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TlalocW Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-05-11 12:31 AM
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15. Funny Halloween stories
Well, maybe not one of them.

One day a few days away from the dreaded day, I drove by a bus from the local Baptist church parked in my neighborhood on the way home from work. I was piddling around in the garage when one of the high schoolers they had canvassing houses came up and handed me a flier. It was for the church's, "Harvest Party." I asked the kid, "Why don't you call it Halloween?" The kid misheard me and proudly exclaimed (like I had complimented his church), "That's right, sir! We would NEVER call it Halloween." I was in one of my moods so I "lit" into him. "No," I replied," you don't understand. Why don't you call it Halloween? You're having a party consisting of treats, games like bobbing for apples, a bonfire (originally used to keep evil spirits away), hayrides, etc. This couldn't be more of a Halloween party even if Linus and the Great Pumpkin showed up. Halloween essentially means, 'All Hallow's Eve.' It's not a magical, evil word so why not just say you're having a Halloween Party?" The kid just looked at me then walked away.

I'm a balloon twister and magician so I get hired a lot in October by people and groups who call it Halloween, Harvest, Fall Festivals, etc. I enjoy talking to the non-Halloween-sayers especially from churches as I keep referring to it as Halloween. "So you're having a Halloween party? How many people will be at your Halloween party? Where will your Halloween party be at?" etc. It's fun to listen to them say, "The Harvest Party," with more and more emphasis.

We have a church in Tulsa called, "GUTS." I don't think it's an acronym; it's one of those churches that teaches that being a Jesus-loving Christian is a manly thing or something. They have a Hell House, which I've been meaning to go to for years. Finally did last year. Pretty well done, and I could see how it could affect some people badly, which of course is what they want. When you're done, you walk out of the building it was in into a huge tent that they've connected to the building, and there waiting are all the people waiting to preach to you. A girl in my group had gotten outside faster than the rest of us and was freaking out and was having a group minister to her. Two of them standing behind her shot each other a look that said, "We got one!" That kind of sickened me. A young hipster came up to me, and before he started, I told him, "If you can look me straight in the eye like an honest man should and tell me you think Jesus would approve of ministering to people like this, I'll let you give your spiel." He just lowered his eyes and let me pass. Good hot dogs at the concession stand though.

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  -It will soon be that time of year again: the Christian Right's War on Halloween bluestateguy  Sep-04-11 09:28 PM   #0 
  - I find it hilarious that fundies now have Fall Festivals instead of Halloween  Tom Ripley   Sep-04-11 09:32 PM   #1 
  - Give'em a break. Halloween is the only holiday the Christians haven't stolen - yet.  RC   Sep-04-11 09:36 PM   #2 
  - The Catholics did  CatholicEdHead   Sep-05-11 12:14 PM   #25 
  - "Trunk or Treat" !It's pretty humorous.  w8liftinglady   Sep-04-11 10:08 PM   #5 
  - Halloween costumes should be scary.  girl gone mad   Sep-04-11 11:11 PM   #14 
  - I agree. My wife's church celebrates "Harvest Festivals" every year on October 31st.  Aristus   Sep-04-11 10:14 PM   #8 
  - I can't believe that are they not turning their ire on Nesle, Hershey, M@Mars, Beer companies  Tom Ripley   Sep-04-11 11:06 PM   #13 
  - I grew up in a fundamentalist church  Missy Vixen   Sep-04-11 10:14 PM   #9 
  - The fundie Hope Chapel about a half mile from me has a Harvest Festival  Raine   Sep-05-11 03:47 AM   #16 
  - Do not forget to wish everyone a Happy Halloween!!!  lunasun   Sep-04-11 10:01 PM   #3 
  - Do the fundies like anything?  Initech   Sep-04-11 10:03 PM   #4 
  - Judging, and finding thou wanting.  JHB   Sep-04-11 10:18 PM   #10 
  - This is Halloween  JHB   Sep-04-11 10:13 PM   #6 
  - Or The Shaggs  Morning Dew   Sep-04-11 10:39 PM   #12 
  - Scandaous! Shocking! OMG OMG OMG  blkmusclmachine   Sep-04-11 10:14 PM   #7 
  - "Hallowe'en" = "Hallow's Evening" = night before All Saint's Day  struggle4progress   Sep-04-11 10:33 PM   #11 
  - Funny Halloween stories  TlalocW   Sep-05-11 12:31 AM   #15 
  - Jesus did warn people of the horrors of hell  Zebedeo   Sep-05-11 10:52 AM   #17 
  - I bet there is a huge fight amongst the church youth to play the parts of the  MissB   Sep-05-11 10:56 AM   #18 
  - Fundies make me lol.  krabigirl   Sep-05-11 11:02 AM   #19 
  - Take this, fundies!!  Mr Deltoid   Sep-05-11 11:13 AM   #20 
  - They gotta fight a lot harder in their War on Halloween...  Iggo   Sep-05-11 11:26 AM   #21 
  - Ah, the first battle in the War on CHRISTmas!  ladyVet   Sep-05-11 12:04 PM   #22 
  - Counter their war on Halloween  mmonk   Sep-05-11 12:05 PM   #23 
  - My school called our Halloween party a "Fall Harvest Party" so it wouldn't offend.  Lucian   Sep-05-11 12:08 PM   #24 

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