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Reply #34: Most will regret it [View All]

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marions ghost Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-01-11 03:30 PM
Response to Reply #25
34. Most will regret it
Edited on Mon Aug-01-11 03:46 PM by marions ghost
--at least the healthier ones will. If there are no acknowledged regrets then I would look for deep denial or depression. Being victimized at a young age and doing things your conscience tells you you should NOT HAVE to do (and your heart tells you you don't WANT to do) WILL have repercussions later. (This is why I equate it to young men who are sent to "wars" before they know what they're getting into, to kill--which many don't want to do (and afterwards feel they shouldn't have had to do, but they needed a job).

I'm not saying people can't get over it, but it may take some work. They may end up paying some of their hard-earned money to a good counselor later. Most of the women who do this are young and naive. It would be interesting to follow up and see how they feel about it years later, when it really sinks in about what they did to get ahead --not that it was "wrong" morally, but that they were used and abused and (as u say) took a huge risk. The deep-seated anger comes partly from even being put in that position in the first place.

Would be a good subject for a psych study --I doubt it's been done. I'd like to know how many women who agree to this have already been abused in their lives. I bet there's a connection. Most women don't enter into this kind of transaction unless they feel they could truly "never have paid for" the education just as your friend did. They tell themselves they had no choice at the time. But many wake up later and have to go through some analysis to understand why they made that choice.

This can only be compared to other "poor choices" that involve being victimized. Being victimized in some way --is a specific psychological whammy with typical future consequences. It's really not a matter of forgiving yourself for classic thoughtless mistakes. It's somewhat out of the ordinary. Since you're obviously a man, MM, suggest to take a poll on this of women you know & trust. Don't take my word for it.
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