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Sarah Ibarruri Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-01-11 10:23 AM
Response to Original message
37. I have a story and I need some advice
Edited on Fri Jul-01-11 10:27 AM by Sarah Ibarruri
I have been married, divorced, widowed, and was lonely. Someone mentioned I should get on a dating website, and I did. I put up some photos of myself, wrote a profile which was fiercely liberal and Democrat, and I specified that any right wing men need not apply. Then I waited.

Oh my God. I was overwhelmed with e-mails from right wingers, all telling me I was wrong to limit myself to lefties and Democrats, and that I had tunnel vision. I responded to each of them letting them know that I did not respect the point of view of Republicans, and that even in the unlikely chance that I would start a relationship with one, it would end up getting ugly the moment I heard something unempathetic, cruel, or nonsensical come out of their mouth. I ended up e-mailing back and forth with a lot of right wingers, and I'm still e-mailing with a few of these. At times it gets heated and we end up insulting one another. At times, it's merely an attempt at understanding or getting through. I don't like the way right wingers think. It's cruel, it's filled with fear, it's illogical, it involves a lot of fairy tales, and above all, it's punitive.

Meantime, no lefties were e-mailing me. Where are all the lefties? Don't they frequent dating websites?

In any case, one of those right wingers and I got friendly. I began to see things in him that were not so 'right wing.' For example, he thinks all hungry people should be fed, he thinks we need to pull out of the Middle East, he thinks the military budget is through the roof and that needs to stop. He's family oriented, and in that he's like me (I'm Latin, so family is paramount to me). He's also funny and makes me laugh till I cry. He's very much a gentleman, and I love that. He's a science and math guy. Last of all, he LOVES to talk, and boy, so do I.

However, recently I've been noticing things that I think I won't be able to deal with. For example, he believes many of the homeless are 'lazy,' he thinks free trade is great 'in the long run' even if it removed so many jobs from this country that we're now headed to 3rd world status at breakneck speed, and he thinks that increasing the taxes of the rich and corporations to pre-Reagan rates is very bad for the country. These are but an example of those views he holds that I feel completely different about.

I don't want to end this thing in an ugly way. Also, I really want to have a guy to go out with, have fun with, and not be lonely. I really like this right wing guy. Granted, I wouldn't be with him if I'd met some liberals and lefties. However, I don't know what to do. I'm very very committed to my ideals, and they're not right wing.

I have no clue where to go with this.

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  -Do you subject potential romantic partners to a litmus test? lapislzi  Jul-01-11 08:51 AM   #0 
  - As long as she doesn't have crabs, all is well.  rug   Jul-01-11 08:52 AM   #1 
  - And a torso attached to the head. That's important... n/t  pipi_k   Jul-01-11 08:56 AM   #6 
  - Getting up off the floor  malaise   Jul-01-11 10:22 AM   #36 
  - any potential mate is immediately disqualified for using the phrase "litmus test".  Vinnie From Indy   Jul-01-11 08:55 AM   #2 
  - Hah! Good thing I'm already married!  lapislzi   Jul-01-11 08:56 AM   #5 
  - Hear hear!  Mulhane   Jul-01-11 09:45 AM   #23 
     - no kidding -- screams of control issues, doesn't it?  Donnachaidh   Jul-01-11 12:49 PM   #58 
  - When I still dated I wanted...  Deep13   Jul-01-11 08:55 AM   #3 
  - Deleted sub-thread  Name removed   Jul-01-11 08:56 AM   #4 
  - At my age and lack of aesthetic qualities I'd settle for a pulse  The Velveteen Ocelot   Jul-01-11 08:57 AM   #7 
  - you didn't mention a sense of humor  hfojvt   Jul-01-11 04:41 PM   #67 
     - Oh, that goes without saying.  The Velveteen Ocelot   Jul-01-11 07:50 PM   #71 
  - Yes, on everyone, not just those I kind of flirt with. n/t  nebenaube   Jul-01-11 08:57 AM   #8 
  - If a potential partner has kids and they treat their kids badly or neglectfully  nc4bo   Jul-01-11 09:02 AM   #9 
  - They must have 3 things  notadmblnd   Jul-01-11 09:05 AM   #10 
  - Deleted message  Name removed   Jul-01-11 09:49 AM   #25 
     - Thank you for those kind words  notadmblnd   Jul-01-11 11:08 AM   #42 
  - Well I didn't used to until my third marriage  pipi_k   Jul-01-11 09:09 AM   #11 
  - I think I had one, but it was subconscious.  PassingFair   Jul-01-11 09:12 AM   #12 
  - LOL. The family litmus test was discovered by my oldest sister.  gkhouston   Jul-01-11 09:14 AM   #13 
  - LOL, what sold my step-sons on me  lapislzi   Jul-01-11 09:19 AM   #14 
     - LOL, wish I'd been there. I seem to remember one boyfriend  gkhouston   Jul-01-11 11:29 AM   #46 
  - I did  JustAnotherGen   Jul-01-11 09:21 AM   #15 
  - Stages of life...  Javaman   Jul-01-11 09:22 AM   #16 
  - I love your answer, javaman  lapislzi   Jul-01-11 09:25 AM   #17 
  - Well it's all good as long as  pipi_k   Jul-01-11 09:28 AM   #18 
  - LOL! nt  Javaman   Jul-01-11 09:29 AM   #20 
  - What are you doing in my ex-husband's bathroom?  lapislzi   Jul-01-11 09:32 AM   #22 
  - LOL.... you described me to a "T"  w8liftinglady   Jul-01-11 09:52 AM   #28 
  - You are very lucky, then...  Dappleganger   Jul-01-11 09:29 AM   #19 
  - Even if you meet all the other requirements  Mulhane   Jul-01-11 09:32 AM   #21 
  - For some reason, custodians love me.  lapislzi   Jul-01-11 09:57 AM   #30 
  - Going to Asia or Latin America for partners also means  flamingdem   Jul-01-11 10:21 AM   #35 
  - That has varied with time  ProgressiveProfessor   Jul-01-11 09:46 AM   #24 
  - Not really. Chemistry can happen between the oddest couples.  closeupready   Jul-01-11 09:50 AM   #26 
  - yes. I have to in Texas  w8liftinglady   Jul-01-11 09:51 AM   #27 
  - If they turn red, I know they're an acid!  Johonny   Jul-01-11 09:53 AM   #29 
  - To answer your question - Absolutely.  RC   Jul-01-11 10:05 AM   #31 
  - Yay, you  lapislzi   Jul-01-11 10:13 AM   #33 
  - Yeah, but nobody's passed it in almost fifteen years.  yella_dawg   Jul-01-11 10:09 AM   #32 
  - yes, and #1 is whatt their political stipe is.  ElsewheresDaughter   Jul-01-11 10:15 AM   #34 
  - I have a story and I need some advice  Sarah Ibarruri   Jul-01-11 10:23 AM   #37 
  - One good turn, Sarah!  lapislzi   Jul-01-11 10:31 AM   #40 
     - Ay ay! I can't stand anyone's over-religiosity either. Drives me crazy.  Sarah Ibarruri   Jul-01-11 11:05 AM   #41 
        - believe it or not,I met my partner on one of those websites  w8liftinglady   Jul-01-11 11:14 AM   #43 
        - I know! I want to know why it's so difficult to find liberal men. Where are they all??  Sarah Ibarruri   Jul-01-11 11:25 AM   #44 
           - a few suggestions  w8liftinglady   Jul-01-11 11:34 AM   #47 
              - Yes we do! Thank you! I'm going to look into all those. nt  Sarah Ibarruri   Jul-01-11 11:43 AM   #51 
              - I found my guy at a Unitarian Universalist church.  Manifestor_of_Light   Jul-01-11 04:23 PM   #64 
        - I may have got the last good one.  lapislzi   Jul-01-11 11:55 AM   #52 
           - Right wingers are like ants, they're an infestation lol I only want one lib guy.  Sarah Ibarruri   Jul-01-11 12:16 PM   #54 
  - I K & R'd this - excellent discussion of love. Hope others K & R it nt  Sarah Ibarruri   Jul-01-11 10:24 AM   #38 
  - I never dated a man who didn't share my four loves  malaise   Jul-01-11 10:28 AM   #39 
  - Hell yes.  Hell Hath No Fury   Jul-01-11 11:28 AM   #45 
  - absolutely  shanti   Jul-01-11 11:38 AM   #48 
  - Agree. n/t  kiranon   Jul-01-11 11:41 AM   #50 
  - It is very important for my romantic partners to have a neutral pH.  sudopod   Jul-01-11 11:40 AM   #49 
  - Congrats on finding your DUer husband!  Kermitt Gribble   Jul-01-11 12:11 PM   #53 
  - That's an excellent idea! I'll bet it would attract a lot of people, too. nt  Sarah Ibarruri   Jul-01-11 12:16 PM   #55 
  - I think it would, too.  Kermitt Gribble   Jul-01-11 07:51 PM   #72 
  - He's a lurker and a linker  lapislzi   Jul-01-11 12:33 PM   #57 
  - Not disgusting, kinda cute, actually..  Kermitt Gribble   Jul-01-11 08:02 PM   #73 
  - i've always wondered why it hasn't had one  shanti   Jul-01-11 01:30 PM   #60 
  - No republicans, no smoking  The Second Stone   Jul-01-11 12:24 PM   #56 
  - I carry litmus paper with me everywhere and regularly try to test random strangers  struggle4progress   Jul-01-11 01:05 PM   #59 
  - No rightwingers, no bigots, no fools  Liberal_in_LA   Jul-01-11 03:17 PM   #61 
  - I've dated women who were republicans  geardaddy   Jul-01-11 03:22 PM   #62 
  - Not really. Either we 'click' or we don't. Just about everything is negotiable  Edweird   Jul-01-11 04:20 PM   #63 
  - Yes, if only to prevent both of us a lot of headaches.  JackDragna   Jul-01-11 04:33 PM   #65 
  - Absolutely after two failed marriages  lunatica   Jul-01-11 04:36 PM   #66 
  - "Breathing" is high on my list, but I'm not a real stickler about it... nt  Buns_of_Fire   Jul-01-11 04:44 PM   #68 
  - 45+ years ago I wouldnt have married  frogmarch   Jul-01-11 05:00 PM   #69 
  - Background check + attendance at a Progressive event..  HipChick   Jul-01-11 05:02 PM   #70 

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