It's worse than 93-94.

[asdjrocky]

I remember right after President Clinton was elected. I remember my niece and her high school color guard marched in his inaugural parade, and I was so proud, so happy. Here was the first President I ever got to vote for that actually won and things were finally going to CHANGE! I drove around town with my bumper sticker and a stupid smile on my face waving like a joy drunken imbecile at other cars with Clinton/Gore bumper stickers.

Twelve dark years of Regan and Bush, over. A new beginning. I was 33, really coming into my adult years and I had HOPE.

Then DADT, Welfare Reform, Media consolidation, (lost a few jobs on that one) and everything else on top of it. I started learning new words about new Democrats and the DLC. I learned that Democrats were actually business friendly. People I knew, people I had protested Regan policies with, people that I had been arrested with, began falling away, not to be heard from. By 96 I could barely bring myself to vote, but I did my duty and pulled the lever for the Dem, just like always.

By 99 I was at the Battle in Seattle, not breaking windows but trying to do my part. Before Seattle people didn't know the WTO existed, now at least they knew it existed even if they didn't know what it actually was. (From the great movie and a commonly repeated phrase among many of us.) Not much changed, but we were still trying.

By 2000 it was Gore/and he who shall remain nameless, in 2004 it was Kerry/Edwards. Not once did I get to vote for the candidate or policies I supported from the beginning, but I fell in line. It was the same in 2008, and it was different all at once. In 06 we took back the Congress and that's where they sucked me in. Next thing I know I'm in Nevada, Iowa and all over my home state, mostly on my own dime. I'm giving what money I still have after 8 years of Bush's high octane business friendly administration, and I'm giving something more than that, I'm giving my TIME. And more important than that, I was giving my HEART.

Well, was not surprised my candidate didn't make the the cut since I've learned in American politics to expect disappointment, and I fell in line once again. I made phone calls, went door to door and gave what little money I had left. I BELIEVED.

It wasn't stupid to believe, I wasn't naive, I was simply usual. I'm a Madison Ave baby. I grew up with Lincoln Logs and Willie Mays. I believed Wonder Bread helped build strong bodies. I drank milk. All my life the TV was on and it told me to fall in line, to support what is usual. I'll take some blame for believing Captain Crunch was really part of this nutritious breakfast, but not all of the blame.

But back in 2008 there was so much HOPE. WE had the House. With Al Franken we had the brand new magic number of 60 in the Senate! And we had a new face, a new cut of man, we had Barack Obama.

During his acceptance speech I cried like a baby. During his inauguration I sobbed. A new beginning and a new feeling that this country of mine, these people who had been through so much in the last 30 years, this world of ours was truly all going to come together. The long time of madness was over.

The end of Gitmo, the end of war and finally, health care for all of us. A 60 year promise fulfilled, the reason I've supported the Democratic Party for more than 30 years, and it was finally going to happen.

I have the bumper sticker.

I waved again, smiling like an idiot.

They give us crumbs when we've earned loafs of bread and tulips. They forget us and remember them once in office. The system is so fixed now that they don't even have to really worry about re-election because once you're in office, even for one term, you can set yourself up for life. A blind man can see that. The Senate is broken, fully corporate owned and sponsored and full of greedy old men and women who rule as lords. The House? The People's House? I'm sorry to say the House is little better.

Our President, that we all worked so hard for, is not leading on a matter that could save 45,000 lives a year in this country. One of those lives could be the life of your brother or sister, friend or co-worker. It could be my life.

I've always told people if they didn't vote, then they couldn't complain, and now I'm really thinking of testing that theory. I think I might just decide to decent, to mock the feeble, corrupt, big business ran process from my comfortably American poor sideline. I'll work locally, maybe become a thorn in the side of my City Council in my dirty depress city. I will no longer play a game that has become so obviously fixed. I'm sure they won't miss my vote, there are millions of usual citizens just waiting to fall in line behind me, and let's face it, they can get money elsewhere.

Yeah, I'm done. I thought I'd feel guilty but I really just feel relieved, kind of giddy in fact.

It's worse than 93-94, they've lost me for good this time.