Reply #76: And the entire civilized world will join in the dance...

[warren pease]

A planetary festival unprecedented in recorded history. Any tears shed would be tears of joy. The intertubes would stream everything live from all the major cities on every continent.

Even the penguins would party down on whatever's left of the Antarctic ice. Polar bears would be exchanging high-fives and fist bumps and chest thumps on icebergs all across the brand new shipping channels of the Arctic Ocean.

In less developed countries, the word would go out by word of mouth, drummers would pound it out, even smoke signals might make a comeback. Modern Paul Reveres would ride like the wind from village to town to wide spot in the road proclaiming the news of the world-wide reprieve.

The Islamic nations of the Middle East, which probably have the most to lose by his continued existence and the most riding on his immediate departure, would break all religious proscriptions against promiscuity, debauchery and public drunkenness. Hashish consumption would break all previous records.

The only somber voices would be those of the hypocrite blowhards on US TV news, and even some of them couldn't keep straight faces for their entire time on camera.

Fux Nudes would pimp some neo-ditz and archetype of vapid republican female obliviousness, who would read a prepared statement citing his long and noble record of public service.

When a quarter or half ends on stupor bowl sunday, urban legend has it that water pressure goes way down in just about all population centers because hundreds of thousands of toilets are flushing all that second-hand Bud lite swill into the sewer system.

It's likely that about two paragraphs into the prepared statement, the same phenomenon would occur, but for a different reason.

Tens of millions would piss themselves because they had reached a state of gaga giddiness that prevented control of their bladders. Millions more would be laughing so hard that their gag reflexes kicked in and they actually puked in ecstasy. And the remaining hundreds of millions would be busy flushing their new RFID chips from passports, cell phones and other common items the fascist bastard has commandeered as surveillance devices and GPS-compliant locators.

I think that about covers it, except for the millions of church bells ringing out the uninhibited joy of the earth's entire population from every corner of the planet.

Oh, and my cats would probably nab a small defenseless rodent in celebration.

Now if only the Giants would start driving in some runs...

Edited to add: Meanwhile, have another pretzel, Georgie.



wp