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Smarmie Doofus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Apr-17-10 06:56 AM
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My friend's kid is being gay-bashed.
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Edited on Sat Apr-17-10 06:59 AM by Smarmie Doofus
He's in the third grade. ( That's Grade 3).

After-school tears are involved. Questions from kid. Parental consternation. Uncertainty about what, if anything, to do .

Not that it should make a difference, BUT.... he's probably NOT gay. He's smart; smallish; kinda... I don't know... "spontaneous". Effusive.

Part of the bashing involves other kids shoving him so that he crashes into a third party; then they yell "homo".

( Friend tells me all this right after I get off the treadmill at the gym where I'm watching a video-follies type show on Comedy Central wherein the host is making "That's so gay" comments ... without any apparent irony.... so numerous that I found myself semi-consciously trying to count them.)

OK; "You can't blame this one on the media, Ellen." Well... yes and no, I'm thinking.

So: what to do. Insights? Ideas?

That's *THIRD* fucking grade.
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  -My friend's kid is being gay-bashed. Smarmie Doofus  Apr-17-10 06:56 AM   #0 
  - The kid's parents need to be in conversation with the teachers and admins  Rhythm   Apr-17-10 07:00 AM   #1 
  - Not conversation, writing!  Sabriel   Apr-17-10 08:44 AM   #18 
  - Agreed with Sabriel... Do everything in writing... and document EVERYTHING  Rhythm   Apr-17-10 09:05 AM   #23 
  - I think the parents here are operating from the following premise:  Smarmie Doofus   Apr-17-10 09:33 AM   #26 
     - This is third freaking grade, talk to the administration and teachers and then start talking to  NotThisTime   Apr-17-10 11:20 AM   #30 
     - I agree completely. n/t  FedUpWithIt All   Apr-17-10 11:38 AM   #37 
     - This is the wrong attitude...  CoffeeCat   Apr-17-10 11:37 PM   #70 
     - It's not a dilemma - this "worse for the child" shite has done nothing but license rampant bullying  alcibiades_mystery   Apr-18-10 08:33 AM   #81 
  - +1 to support this approach.  mzteris   Apr-17-10 11:48 AM   #44 
  - they should go round to the parents and have a discussion  miscsoc   Apr-17-10 08:47 AM   #19 
  - A whole sheet of thumbtacks sticking up, taped to his arm under his shirt...  Ian David   Apr-17-10 07:04 AM   #2 
  - Yeah. I'm guessing it's more than just the shoving, though.  Smarmie Doofus   Apr-17-10 07:28 AM   #7 
  - What ever happened to the new, "no tolerance" when it comes to bullying?  Kahuna   Apr-17-10 07:04 AM   #3 
  - School admins make up stuff like that for general consumption.  Smarmie Doofus   Apr-17-10 07:20 AM   #4 
  - If the bullies' parents are powerful or rich enough, the school will be scared to step in.  Ken Burch   Apr-17-10 07:43 AM   #11 
  - "no tolerance" always ends up being about trivial shit  Ken Burch   Apr-17-10 07:46 AM   #13 
  - Cough drops! LOL! You are SO right.  immoderate   Apr-18-10 04:24 AM   #77 
     - Zero tolerance policies are the kind of idea that weak, insecure "authority" figures always like  Ken Burch   Apr-18-10 04:48 AM   #78 
  - In most cases, it doesn't exist.  AngryOldDem   Apr-18-10 11:18 AM   #84 
  - Do you have a friend who's a lawyer?  Dr Morbius   Apr-17-10 07:21 AM   #5 
  - as one who has been there  dsc   Apr-17-10 07:26 AM   #6 
  - Do they have karate lessons at that gym?  eShirl   Apr-17-10 07:29 AM   #8 
  - Mmm.... that's how we crossed paths.  Smarmie Doofus   Apr-17-10 07:38 AM   #9 
  - Also, the problem with the "punch out the bully" theory is that  Ken Burch   Apr-17-10 07:45 AM   #12 
  - if I meant a "punch out the bully" strategy I would have suggested boxing.  eShirl   Apr-17-10 07:53 AM   #14 
  - No offense to you or to martial arts training intended  Ken Burch   Apr-17-10 08:33 AM   #16 
     - sometimes that "training" is just a matter of confidence  mzteris   Apr-17-10 11:16 AM   #29 
        - Our son had to use that training when he was assaulted by six kids this past October  NotThisTime   Apr-17-10 11:24 AM   #31 
           - the "adults" were hiding...  mzteris   Apr-17-10 11:43 AM   #39 
           - Well, his story is a mix of good and bad now....  NotThisTime   Apr-18-10 08:20 AM   #79 
           - that's pretty awesome  miscsoc   Apr-17-10 11:46 AM   #40 
           - The people in charge of his school didn't give a damn and wouldn't even return emails....  NotThisTime   Apr-18-10 08:21 AM   #80 
           - He's my new kid hero!  Mojeoux   Apr-18-10 02:57 AM   #75 
  - Thanks for "life is a battle" as adjective.  Smarmie Doofus   Apr-17-10 07:59 AM   #15 
  - You're right that black belts aren't the solution...  JHB   Apr-17-10 09:10 AM   #24 
  - i hate it when people say bullied kids should just fight back  miscsoc   Apr-17-10 08:40 AM   #17 
  - It also assumes the bully will fight you fair  Ken Burch   Apr-17-10 08:50 AM   #20 
  - exactly  miscsoc   Apr-17-10 09:00 AM   #22 
     - get over yourself  paulsby   Apr-17-10 01:24 PM   #61 
        - i don't think it's wrong for kids to fight back  miscsoc   Apr-17-10 01:47 PM   #62 
           - i think you have a strange definition of "immoral"  paulsby   Apr-18-10 02:14 AM   #72 
              - i tell my kids the same thing my mama told me -  mzteris   Apr-18-10 12:56 PM   #85 
  - Agreed. Or they're kids who've been taught not to handle  JerseygirlCT   Apr-17-10 09:28 AM   #25 
     - absolutely,  miscsoc   Apr-17-10 11:35 AM   #34 
        - And you have to wonder about the price paid by all of those kids  JerseygirlCT   Apr-17-10 06:26 PM   #67 
  - the fucking idea that bullied kids should learn karate or get tougher, or learn to fight  miscsoc   Apr-17-10 08:51 AM   #21 
     - Actually, learning karate or something like that can give a kid confidence  EFerrari   Apr-17-10 10:58 AM   #28 
     - That still teaches the bullied kid that something in him needs to be changed to end it.  LeftyMom   Apr-17-10 11:28 AM   #32 
        - That encapsulates my problem with this atttitude  miscsoc   Apr-17-10 11:38 AM   #36 
        - Thanks!  LeftyMom   Apr-17-10 11:55 AM   #47 
        - Yah - much better to teach the kid that he or she is powerless to do anything on his/her own...  BlooInBloo   Apr-18-10 02:53 AM   #74 
        - interesting point.  mzteris   Apr-17-10 11:47 AM   #41 
        - My little guy is going to be nine tomorrow!  LeftyMom   Apr-17-10 12:08 PM   #51 
        - Yes he can always call on me.  flvegan   Apr-18-10 02:43 AM   #73 
           - well, you're a vegan,  mzteris   Apr-18-10 12:58 PM   #86 
        - Right. It teaches the kid that there are some things within their control.  EFerrari   Apr-17-10 12:06 PM   #49 
           - The behavior of bullies is not one of those things.  LeftyMom   Apr-17-10 12:11 PM   #53 
              - It's funny because I didn't suggest that training for the bullied kid  EFerrari   Apr-17-10 12:18 PM   #54 
     - Exactly! What about the fucking BULLIES' behavior!?!  Odin2005   Apr-17-10 12:26 PM   #59 
     - Do you want to know why my daughter was told?  CoffeeCat   Apr-17-10 11:49 PM   #71 
        - Wow, what a pathetic principal!  Odin2005   Apr-18-10 11:09 AM   #83 
     - WHOOSH  eShirl   Apr-17-10 12:46 PM   #60 
     - It's tied into the even WORSE idea that having to face bullies "builds character"  Ken Burch   Apr-18-10 11:50 PM   #87 
  - K&R- and who the FUCK "unrec'd" this?  Ken Burch   Apr-17-10 07:42 AM   #10 
  - Rec'd to counteract that unrec.  hypocrisyandlies   Apr-17-10 11:37 AM   #35 
  - MOST kids who get "gay-bashed" in school are not gay. That's something people forget.  slampoet   Apr-17-10 10:49 AM   #27 
  - ....and that's why gay-bashing should be a concern for *every* parent.  Lex   Apr-17-10 11:47 AM   #42 
  - BINGO!  slampoet   Apr-18-10 09:02 AM   #82 
  - In school(if you're male)you're a potential gaybashing victim  Ken Burch   Apr-18-10 11:54 PM   #88 
  - it's irrelevant though.  miscsoc   Apr-17-10 11:48 AM   #43 
  - What's interesting is that the language and attitudes are in place.....  Smarmie Doofus   Apr-17-10 11:57 AM   #48 
  - EX-ACTLY. That's why I posted this here and not in GLBT.  Smarmie Doofus   Apr-17-10 11:51 AM   #45 
  - I am so sorry this is happening to this boy. There are dangers in waiting for the problem  FedUpWithIt All   Apr-17-10 11:34 AM   #33 
  - v/ good post  miscsoc   Apr-17-10 11:52 AM   #46 
  - Interesting observation:  Smarmie Doofus   Apr-17-10 12:11 PM   #52 
  - Stories like this always make me feel sick.  hypocrisyandlies   Apr-17-10 11:41 AM   #38 
  - This has nothing to do with the "gay bashing" but everything to do with bullying..when my  madmom   Apr-17-10 12:06 PM   #50 
  - 3rd grade is when a lot of bullying picks up and needs to be addressed  uppityperson   Apr-17-10 12:19 PM   #55 
  - Actually, it has a *lot* to do w. gay bashing.  Smarmie Doofus   Apr-17-10 02:03 PM   #63 
     - interesting anecdote:  miscsoc   Apr-17-10 02:07 PM   #65 
     - I was referring to MY anecdote, not the OP.  madmom   Apr-17-10 03:19 PM   #66 
  - can be so ugly to each other. And in 3rd grade!?!  Rex   Apr-17-10 12:21 PM   #56 
  - if i had a kid...  a la izquierda   Apr-17-10 12:23 PM   #57 
  - I'm straight, was always teased and bullied as being "gay" because I was the Sensitive Boy...  Odin2005   Apr-17-10 12:25 PM   #58 
  - Like I said in another thread - douchebaggery trancends time and space.  Initech   Apr-17-10 02:06 PM   #64 
  - This needs to be stopped...and stopped NOW...  CoffeeCat   Apr-17-10 11:28 PM   #68 
  - lol - I remember when I was around that age another kid called me gay...  BlooInBloo   Apr-17-10 11:35 PM   #69 
  - I'd skip the "conversations" with teachers and admin and just lawyer up.  BlueIris   Apr-18-10 04:17 AM   #76 

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