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Reply #128: My sister was a victim of parental alienation [View All]

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nini Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Apr-21-07 06:06 PM
Response to Original message
128. My sister was a victim of parental alienation
Edited on Sat Apr-21-07 06:08 PM by nini
My piece of shit ex brother-in-law turned her two boys against her to the point where they would get somewhat violent with her if they were forced to spend time with her. She was blamed for EVERYTHING wrong in the marriage. She was robbed of almost 6 years of their early teens to 18 or so. The ex made damn sure those boys were bullied to the point they never questioned him because they didn't want the same treatment their mom got.

The oldest finally started catching on when he graduated from high school and now sees his father as the evil piece of shit he is. She has reconciled with the boys now and they walked her down the aisle when she remarried which was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life.

BUT let me tell this to anyone who thinks parental alienation is not real and the most frustrating thing in the world to convince the courts of - it is a nightmare from hell. My sister was broken from having her boys taken from her - I have no idea how she survived it all. She described it as having your kids kidnapped but you knew where they were.

I can understand Baldwin's rage though he shouldn't have said what he did - but I definitely understand his frustration. What happens in these situations is the kids take on the alienating parent's battles for them. This sounds like what is going on here. It is near impossible for the alienated parent to NOT want to scream at them - they too are only human after all. He needs counseling to continually reinforce how he needs to deal with the daughter knowing she is being played by her mom.

It appears Kim Basinger is playing the same game with their daughter as my sister's ex did. If so, SHE is the parent at fault here. Sad thing is these kids are so scarred from this that even if he gets custody the child will rebel - this is EXACTLY what she wants. She is evil for doing this.

Baldwin should have controlled himself better, but I completely understand where he is coming from having seen what was done to my sister. I hope eventually it'll work out for him and his daughter but he'll never get back what was taken from him.

ANYONE who thinks Basinger is justified with what she did does not understand what is going on here. People who alienate the other parent do so at the risk of the emotional well being of the children because their own narcissitic egos think it's justified to do so. They put their own need for revenge before the good of the child - they are the lowest of the low.

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  -Alec Baldwin is a hypocrite pnwmom  Apr-20-07 11:30 PM   #0 
  - Utterly embarrassing.  The_Casual_Observer   Apr-20-07 11:34 PM   #1 
  - You know, sometimes my daughter forgets to turn on her phone  K8-EEE   Apr-21-07 01:39 AM   #39 
     - And I bet there's something else you wouldn't do.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 04:05 AM   #43 
        - I admire him as an actor and I agree with his politics  K8-EEE   Apr-21-07 12:28 PM   #89 
  - Parental alienation is very real.  flying_monkeys   Apr-20-07 11:40 PM   #2 
  - How do we know when and how that voicemail was passed on?  pnwmom   Apr-20-07 11:46 PM   #4 
  - Read the motion filed by Baldwin's lawyer  CookCountyResident   Apr-21-07 12:10 AM   #17 
     - Who says the voicemail wasn't forwarded to someone by the 11 year old  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 01:08 AM   #31 
        - Riiight.  demobabe   Apr-21-07 04:28 AM   #49 
           - It's quite possible a girl could go to her friend, or her friend's mother,  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 04:49 AM   #55 
              - Oh come on.  demobabe   Apr-21-07 06:23 AM   #67 
  - Right.  CookCountyResident   Apr-21-07 12:07 AM   #15 
     - "The child does not benefit from this at all..." Oh yes she does. Now  AJ9000   Apr-21-07 12:13 AM   #18 
     - Baldwin was on Letterman making fun of Ireland right before he called her.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 01:17 AM   #34 
     - There's no way she could have seen the show  MonkeyFunk   Apr-21-07 04:03 AM   #42 
        - Who says she watched it on real time? Someone could have taped it  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 04:08 AM   #44 
           - the assertion  MonkeyFunk   Apr-21-07 04:09 AM   #45 
           - That's not the way I read the article. Yes, he had taped it before a live  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 04:16 AM   #46 
              - Loving fathers  MonkeyFunk   Apr-21-07 04:21 AM   #48 
                 - He spent two and a half minutes screaming threats and profanity at her.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 04:41 AM   #52 
                 - oh please  MonkeyFunk   Apr-21-07 04:44 AM   #53 
                    - Why do you keep minimizing this? That wasn't the worst thing he said, it's  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 04:54 AM   #56 
                    - Cosby's career  MonkeyFunk   Apr-21-07 04:59 AM   #57 
                       - Guess what? The kids on the TV show were not Cosby's real kids!!!!!  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:11 AM   #59 
                          - No  MonkeyFunk   Apr-21-07 05:23 AM   #62 
                             - An eleven year old has friends.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:28 AM   #63 
                             - I think folks need to be reminded of the Occam's Razor theory.  Clark2008   Apr-21-07 07:47 AM   #73 
                                - Did you listen to the whole tirade? Or just read a couple of phrases?  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 08:12 AM   #74 
                    - Agree and I was subjected too some SERIOUS! verbal, mental and physical abuse.  Blue State Native   Apr-21-07 10:11 AM   #83 
                    - You didn't listen to the audiotape then.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:08 PM   #107 
                    - DING DING DING! MonkeyFunk, you're our grand prize winner!  rocknation   Apr-21-07 05:22 PM   #112 
                 - I tend to agree with you  ncabot22   Apr-21-07 08:12 PM   #157 
           - who says she didn't give it to the media herself?  butterfly77   Apr-21-07 05:40 PM   #120 
     - BINGO! The child will know that Daddy's behavior is  Triana   Apr-21-07 04:51 PM   #103 
        - I agree. Everything is about HIM.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:23 PM   #113 
     - The child could have forwarded this on to one of her friends before  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 01:11 AM   #32 
  - They're both overaged children doing what divorced people often do  melody   Apr-20-07 11:46 PM   #3 
  - She'll need it. But Basinger can't make Baldwin behave  pnwmom   Apr-20-07 11:50 PM   #6 
  - HE is absolutely the sole owner...  Triana   Apr-21-07 04:54 PM   #104 
  - And from what I've read..  zidzi   Apr-21-07 04:49 PM   #102 
     - They may very well have joint custody but, in any case, that's not a  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:26 PM   #115 
  - We need to call Alec's rant what it was: Child abuse (of the emotional variety.)  AJ9000   Apr-20-07 11:47 PM   #5 
  - I think it is. Like a lot of narcissists, he can be charming when  pnwmom   Apr-20-07 11:53 PM   #8 
  - Well, we don't really know the whole story  melody   Apr-21-07 12:15 AM   #19 
  - "It could seem very different, in context." There is no context to justify  AJ9000   Apr-21-07 12:33 AM   #21 
  - You've nailed him -- the "all about me." There is no context  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 12:40 AM   #23 
  - Courts frequently set up schedules for calling  demobabe   Apr-21-07 04:32 AM   #50 
     - Can you give an instance of one person going to jail for missing a phone call like this?  electron_blue   Apr-21-07 08:33 AM   #77 
     - No, they don't send dads to jail for missing phone visitation  demobabe   Apr-21-07 02:48 PM   #91 
        - odd that isn't the case in my divorce situation. No way would jail be involved after a nonshceduled  electron_blue   Apr-21-07 03:05 PM   #92 
        - maybe your ex is nicer than others  demobabe   Apr-21-07 03:33 PM   #94 
           - You seem to have misunderstood  electron_blue   Apr-21-07 04:20 PM   #95 
              - No, you couldn't get him thrown in jail for missing a scheduled visitation  Mabus   Apr-21-07 06:17 PM   #131 
              - Great post. n/t  demobabe   Apr-21-07 07:26 PM   #151 
              - Been there.  demobabe   Apr-21-07 06:34 PM   #134 
                 - I second that sentiment  Infomaniac   Apr-21-07 07:16 PM   #147 
                    - One of the worst things is the lawyers!  demobabe   Apr-21-07 07:22 PM   #149 
                       - She's gone through a half dozen lawyers  Infomaniac   Apr-21-07 07:59 PM   #155 
        - Restraining orders are put in place when there has been spousal abuse.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:12 PM   #109 
           - No, that's not true  demobabe   Apr-21-07 07:17 PM   #148 
              - Difference between TRO and RO  Mabus   Apr-23-07 09:35 AM   #204 
     - No divorced person I've ever heard of went to jail for missing a call.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:10 PM   #108 
  - Something I didn't know at first -- the context  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 01:31 AM   #37 
     - Someone upthread said she couldn't have seen the show before he called her  demobabe   Apr-21-07 04:40 AM   #51 
        - Someone upthread hasn't proved anything.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:04 AM   #58 
        - You haven't proved anything, either  demobabe   Apr-21-07 06:17 AM   #65 
           - The point is that the rage was misdirected. There is no excuse for that.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 07:21 AM   #70 
           - I agree that it is up to Basinger  CookCountyResident   Apr-21-07 08:52 AM   #79 
           - Let me tell you how this works  demobabe   Apr-21-07 02:36 PM   #90 
              - Did you hear Baldwin whine that Ireland would never treat her mother  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:20 PM   #110 
              - Are you divorced?  demobabe   Apr-21-07 06:35 PM   #135 
              - No, I'm not divorced, but I've gone through  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 06:42 PM   #136 
                 - Thank you.  demobabe   Apr-21-07 06:47 PM   #139 
              - Of course it's clear she has a better relationship with her mom  demobabe   Apr-21-07 06:45 PM   #138 
                 - Suppose you are right, and Basinger is bad-mouthing him.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 06:50 PM   #141 
                 - If I come up to you and start poking you in the chest over and over...  demobabe   Apr-21-07 06:57 PM   #145 
                 - From both sides, but more from the father  marshall   Apr-23-07 12:25 PM   # 
              - well said  nini   Apr-21-07 06:22 PM   #133 
           - you think letterman fed exed her a tape? LOL. oh wait, that would take a whole day...  bettyellen   Apr-21-07 08:36 PM   #160 
              - No, I don't. She could have set the VCR herself if she didn't  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 04:29 AM   #182 
        - I've been where the child is at when my parents divorced  marshall   Apr-23-07 12:21 PM   #205 
  - The child of two actors? Don't bet on it.  greyhound1966   Apr-21-07 07:33 AM   #72 
     - Counter example: Christopher Reeve.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 08:16 AM   #75 
        - There are exceptions, of course. James Earl Jones would be another.  greyhound1966   Apr-21-07 08:43 AM   #78 
  - Exactly! It's child abuse - and IMO that should be made public...  Triana   Apr-21-07 04:55 PM   #105 
     - regardless of the circumstances? hmmmmm  nini   Apr-21-07 06:21 PM   #132 
        - Suppose you are right and it's Basinger's fault that they're alienated.  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 02:03 AM   #168 
           - Parental Alienation is not based on what he did wrong here  nini   Apr-22-07 12:16 PM   #200 
  - probably  HughMoran   Apr-20-07 11:52 PM   #7 
  - Hopefully most parents aren't as mean or narcissistic as this guy.  pnwmom   Apr-20-07 11:55 PM   #10 
  - Be careful about judging a snapshot.  dbonds   Apr-20-07 11:54 PM   #9 
  - It wasn't just a little loss of control. It was an extended temper tantrum,  pnwmom   Apr-20-07 11:58 PM   #11 
  - It WAS supposed to be private business  CookCountyResident   Apr-21-07 09:55 AM   #80 
     - Yeah, child abuse is supposed to be private, right?  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:30 PM   #116 
  - My thoughts, too. No excuse whatsoever for the verbal abuse he heaped  indie_ana_500   Apr-21-07 12:00 AM   #12 
  - Anyone who had access to the voicemail could have done it,  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 12:43 AM   #24 
     - Those were my thoughts, too. That the girl and some of her friends...  indie_ana_500   Apr-21-07 12:53 AM   #27 
  - Deleted message  Name removed   Apr-21-07 12:02 AM   #13 
  - That sounds weirdly like a threat.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 12:44 AM   #25 
  - If you've done that you're an ignorant prick too. What's the rest of that  AJ9000   Apr-21-07 12:44 AM   #26 
  - Anger comes from feeling hurt  Quixote1818   Apr-21-07 12:05 AM   #14 
  - It's clear to me that Baldwin's EGO was wounded,  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 01:05 AM   #30 
     - I think this is more about fear but I am not Alec Baldwin  Quixote1818   Apr-21-07 01:38 AM   #38 
        - If he had an ounce of real sensitivity, he wouldn't have made fun of her  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 03:59 AM   #41 
           - Did I miss something?  Quixote1818   Apr-21-07 11:49 AM   #86 
              - "The whole audience and David Letterman laughed" -- at Baldwin's  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:32 PM   #117 
  - Granted he ranted  vanboggie   Apr-21-07 12:07 AM   #16 
  - That's a bunch of BS. That was verbal abuse. Period. HE needs straitening out.  AJ9000   Apr-21-07 12:40 AM   #22 
  - See post 47  vanboggie   Apr-21-07 06:51 PM   #142 
  - First he goes on Letterman and makes fun of how his young daughter dances.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 01:22 AM   #35 
  - Agreed  magellan   Apr-21-07 12:30 AM   #20 
  - And to make matters worse, you know what he was doing before the call?  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 01:25 AM   #36 
     - Maybe that's why she didn't answer? Man this pisses me off,  AJ9000   Apr-21-07 01:42 AM   #40 
  - Alec Baldwin defenders are hypocrits  gravity   Apr-21-07 12:55 AM   #28 
  - You nailed it Gravity. Well said. nm  AJ9000   Apr-21-07 12:58 AM   #29 
  - Exactly.  philosophie_en_rose   Apr-21-07 01:13 AM   #33 
  - Damn right.  spoony   Apr-21-07 04:23 PM   #97 
  - You have no idea what these people have been through  symbolman   Apr-21-07 04:19 AM   #47 
  - And you, apparently,  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:12 AM   #60 
  - I've been thrown over kitchen tables  symbolman   Apr-21-07 06:22 AM   #66 
     - I'm sorry about what you've gone through. But your situation is different.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 07:14 AM   #69 
     - The call was bad. He shouldn't have done it.  demobabe   Apr-21-07 07:56 PM   #154 
        - What about his little performace a few hours earlier on Letterman?  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 02:05 AM   #169 
           - Gawd, get off it already  demobabe   Apr-22-07 02:39 AM   #174 
              - B.S. She could have easily seen it. Nobody knows the timing of all this  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 04:07 AM   #177 
                 - Someone else showed the timing.  demobabe   Apr-22-07 04:19 AM   #179 
                    - We don't know who put the tape out. It could have been the girl,  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 04:27 AM   #181 
                       - Doesn't matter WHO released it  demobabe   Apr-22-07 07:52 PM   #203 
     - My story ended happier than your sons  lumberjack_jeff   Apr-21-07 08:48 PM   #162 
        - Man, I'm sorry to hear that  symbolman   Apr-21-07 08:58 PM   #164 
  - Wah Wah Wah! n/t  lse7581011   Apr-21-07 03:08 PM   #93 
  - Yeah  symbolman   Apr-21-07 07:27 PM   #152 
  - Exactly  vanboggie   Apr-21-07 06:48 PM   #140 
  - Yep  symbolman   Apr-21-07 08:52 PM   #163 
     - Will do...  vanboggie   Apr-22-07 09:21 AM   #194 
  - I do know what can happen.  Infomaniac   Apr-21-07 08:19 PM   #159 
     - Thanks  symbolman   Apr-21-07 08:42 PM   #161 
  - i heard a clip of baldwin's message on the radio friday  orleans   Apr-21-07 04:47 AM   #54 
  - I bet your friend didn't sound as vicious, did he?  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:16 AM   #61 
  - Thanks for bringing this up  symbolman   Apr-21-07 06:34 AM   #68 
  - short version: Alec Baldwin is Hitler!  Checkstub   Apr-21-07 05:44 AM   #64 
  - Well he's lost my vote!  JNelson6563   Apr-21-07 07:28 AM   #71 
  - I'm Sure His Book Will Be Very Enlightening  Crisco   Apr-21-07 08:27 AM   #76 
  - I think she was a rude thoughtless pig. eom  donco6   Apr-21-07 09:59 AM   #81 
  - Reminds me of a friend's comment  edhopper   Apr-21-07 10:08 AM   #82 
  - Here's my thought:  donco6   Apr-21-07 10:13 AM   #84 
  - Now there's the sanest comment I've seen all day!  KzooDem   Apr-21-07 12:25 PM   #88 
  - Ding ding ding! Finally.  Poll_Blind   Apr-21-07 04:36 PM   #99 
  - It's important to me that so many people here are unable  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:52 PM   #126 
     - Well, here's to you ending abuse. One internet message at a time.  Poll_Blind   Apr-21-07 06:52 PM   #143 
  - Abusers take advantage of our respect for their privacy  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:37 PM   #119 
  - This was clearly verbal abuse and it concerns me that so many people  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:35 PM   #118 
     - How long are you going to keep this up?  symbolman   Apr-21-07 07:38 PM   #153 
        - And when are you going to quit? I see, he's a LIBERAL,  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 02:07 AM   #170 
           - Define Liberal  symbolman   Apr-22-07 02:45 AM   #175 
              - Why should I define it? You were the one who said he was a liberal,  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 04:05 AM   #176 
                 - I think you have me mixed up with someone else now  symbolman   Apr-22-07 04:12 AM   #178 
                    - Maybe you ought to read your own posts before you send them.  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 04:23 AM   #180 
                       - Oh gee  symbolman   Apr-22-07 04:34 AM   #183 
                          - So there are only two kinds of parents, in your view?  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 04:44 AM   #185 
                             - Hopeful?  symbolman   Apr-22-07 04:47 AM   #187 
                                - Why are you defending him endlessly?  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 05:13 AM   #188 
                                   - Yeah it is  symbolman   Apr-22-07 05:37 AM   #191 
  - Right.....  Jade Fox   Apr-21-07 10:16 AM   #85 
  - Good memory.  donco6   Apr-21-07 11:54 AM   #87 
  - Alec Baldwin IS A RICH SPOILED WHITE BOY  spoony   Apr-21-07 04:28 PM   #98 
  - Yeah, but he's a Democrat, like Nifong,  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:43 PM   #122 
  - Based on what?  Jade Fox   Apr-22-07 09:27 AM   #195 
  - There is proof that he made the abusive phone call. And it's abusive no  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:41 PM   #121 
     - Once again, you are....  Jade Fox   Apr-22-07 09:29 AM   #196 
     - Let me ask you something about your "proof"  merh   Apr-22-07 01:31 PM   #201 
  - Good to see someone call it like it is k and r  spoony   Apr-21-07 04:21 PM   #96 
  - again - this issue is none of our business  AtomicKitten   Apr-21-07 04:37 PM   #100 
  - Child abuse is always best kept behind closed doors.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:44 PM   #123 
     - careful you don't fall off your soapbox  AtomicKitten   Apr-21-07 06:07 PM   #129 
  - NO. Alec Baldwin is a Narcissist and an Abuser  Triana   Apr-21-07 04:45 PM   #101 
  - That's what it looks like to me too...  polichick   Apr-21-07 05:24 PM   #114 
  - BINGO!!!  Triana   Apr-21-07 10:31 PM   #165 
  - Welcome to DU, polichick!  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 02:09 AM   #171 
  - Good, informative post, Triana. Thanks.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:46 PM   #124 
     - Send 'em the links!!!  Triana   Apr-21-07 10:32 PM   #166 
  - DU posters who condemn Baldwin are hypocrites. This is nothing but a junk story!  saracat   Apr-21-07 04:58 PM   #106 
  - It's hard to believe that you actually heard the whole tape.  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:48 PM   #125 
  - Worst. Book Promotion. Evah.  gatorboy   Apr-21-07 05:22 PM   #111 
  - LOL. n/t  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 05:53 PM   #127 
  - My sister was a victim of parental alienation  nini   Apr-21-07 06:06 PM   #128 
  - Unless your sister also raged at her children,  pnwmom   Apr-21-07 06:53 PM   #144 
     - You obviously don't understand or believe P.A. is real  nini   Apr-21-07 07:16 PM   #146 
        - How do you know what Basinger is really doing? What she says to Ireland?  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 01:58 AM   #167 
           - THAT'S PART OF THE WHOLE ISSUE WITH PARENTAL ALIENATION  nini   Apr-22-07 11:59 AM   #198 
  - Save Alberto! Hurry!  jazzjunkysue   Apr-21-07 06:08 PM   #130 
  - There should be laws that prohibit actors from  winston61   Apr-21-07 06:44 PM   #137 
  - The Bloodsport Of Divorce  WillYourVoteBCounted   Apr-21-07 07:26 PM   #150 
  - It's verbal abuse  Raine   Apr-21-07 08:09 PM   #156 
  - That's the thing. We have to recognize it as abusive so that we  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 02:15 AM   #172 
  - Let's have every man & women reveal every angry moment about their s.o.'s to the press for everyone  8_year_nightmare   Apr-21-07 08:17 PM   #158 
  - I think that's why so many DUers are on his side.  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 02:19 AM   #173 
     - We all agree it was wrong.  8_year_nightmare   Apr-22-07 03:55 PM   #202 
  - Humans who create children should think of the children  SoCalDem   Apr-22-07 04:34 AM   #184 
  - You're right. In two or three years the judge will let Ireland decide  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 04:46 AM   # 
  - delete (dupe)  pnwmom   Apr-22-07 04:46 AM   #186 
  - As far as I'm concerned, this whole incident is a private family matter!  B Calm   Apr-22-07 05:14 AM   #189 
  - Whoa just heard that call on you tube, that was all a little unnnecessary...  cooolandrew   Apr-22-07 05:20 AM   #190 
  - Basinger is the villain in this  cgrindley   Apr-22-07 05:53 AM   #192 
  - I have the same feeling.. Women can be nasty in divorce and turn  B Calm   Apr-22-07 06:00 AM   #193 
  - Just another example of when self obsessed  winston61   Apr-22-07 09:41 AM   #197 
  - I agree 1000%  nini   Apr-22-07 12:02 PM   #199 
  - Oh, for fucks sake.  Bornaginhooligan   Apr-23-07 12:25 PM   #206 
  - Parents are human beings just like everyone else.  Sentinel Chicken   Apr-23-07 12:47 PM   #207 

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