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Reply #165: Both of my parents died in care. [View All]

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BobTheSubgenius Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-30-09 12:30 AM
Response to Original message
165. Both of my parents died in care.
Man, I took grief for not freeing my father from the predations of the "Lodge." It just wasn't possible; small house, single father of a child in elementary school and a job that had me travel for a few days at a time. With his medical issues, there was no way it could be done.

It was hard enough managing to get my healthy son looked after properly (there were no WORRIES on that score, he had great care, but it was a logistical problem sometimes, not to mention financial), let alone a 70 year old man felled by several strokes. He also had a heart condition, diabetes, a HUGE bleeding ulcer and, at one point, colon cancer.

That didn't stop a few people from telling him he should call a cab and just show up at my door. Meddling idiots.
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  -People are not assholes for putting their elderly relatives into nursing care. Hello_Kitty  Nov-29-09 03:34 PM   #0 
  - amen  dsc   Nov-29-09 03:40 PM   #1 
  - I'm sorry for your grandmother, amen  katkat   Nov-30-09 05:51 AM   #182 
  - Well said  sorcrow   Nov-29-09 03:40 PM   #2 
  - welcome to DU  niyad   Nov-29-09 04:01 PM   #19 
  - mmmmmmmm!! sorghum!! one of my favorite things! Welcome to DU!  patrice   Nov-29-09 05:41 PM   #56 
  - For sure.  JohnnyLib2   Nov-29-09 03:41 PM   #3 
  - I can't believe you were flamed over that. Nobody knows what you go through.  NYC_SKP   Nov-29-09 03:42 PM   #4 
  - imho, sooner is always better than later.  mopinko   Nov-29-09 03:51 PM   # 
  - I'm working on them, but would like for it to be their choice.  NYC_SKP   Nov-29-09 03:58 PM   #17 
  - sometimes you have to put your foot down, i guess.  mopinko   Nov-29-09 04:30 PM   #34 
  - See if you can find one of these:  patrice   Nov-29-09 05:46 PM   #57 
     - great suggestion....  gblady   Nov-30-09 01:53 AM   #171 
        - Pleased to meet you gblady! Yes!! Me too!!! I feel very blessed to help  patrice   Nov-30-09 08:41 AM   #200 
  - The emotions you go through watching your once vital parent deteriorate are indescribable  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 04:05 PM   #21 
     - My mil has advanced stage dementia.  tblue   Nov-30-09 12:14 AM   #161 
     - Exactly!  Kajsa   Nov-30-09 10:04 AM   #207 
  - NYC_SKP, my situation was very much like yours -  tosh   Nov-29-09 04:08 PM   #23 
  - Somehow the strength comes to us. They are worth the work.  NYC_SKP   Nov-29-09 04:17 PM   #27 
  - Back atcha, NYC_SKP - Good Job!  tosh   Nov-29-09 04:26 PM   #29 
  - Well stated, Tosh.  Kajsa   Nov-30-09 10:08 AM   #208 
  - .  patrice   Nov-29-09 05:40 PM   #55 
  - Thank you...  NYC_SKP   Nov-29-09 07:38 PM   #103 
  - She wasn't flamed over that in the other thread.  Duende azul   Nov-29-09 06:07 PM   #64 
  - It matters not. This post is her post and the topic is decisions made regarding aging parents.  NYC_SKP   Nov-29-09 07:44 PM   #109 
  - That is such a sweet pic. I've always opted for in-home  Fire1   Nov-29-09 07:24 PM   #101 
  - Thanks. I've got multiple helpers in place, someone staying overnight every night...  NYC_SKP   Nov-29-09 07:41 PM   #106 
  - Take care of your parents and you SHOULD pressure them...gently.  MUAD_DIB   Nov-30-09 12:22 AM   #163 
  - judgmental assholes all those people are.  cali   Nov-29-09 03:44 PM   #5 
  - I agree with you. My father is capable of dressing,  shraby   Nov-29-09 03:46 PM   #6 
  - Putting your parents into a home can be a loving thing to do, but not visiting them is a sin  Poiuyt   Nov-29-09 03:47 PM   #7 
  - the families who don't visit their parents  shanti   Nov-29-09 06:38 PM   #78 
  - I work in a lot of care facilities  quakerboy   Nov-29-09 08:14 PM   #114 
     - Endless good hair days?????  patrice   Nov-29-09 09:21 PM   #134 
  - Sorry you were treated badly  KT2000   Nov-29-09 03:47 PM   #8 
  - she was not treated badly, she was acting like a jerk. n/t  Whisp   Nov-29-09 09:01 PM   #127 
  - I agree with you entirely  frazzled   Nov-29-09 03:48 PM   #9 
  - My 88 yr old grandmother broke her leg in 2 places and needs more care  Lex   Nov-29-09 03:50 PM   #10 
  - Let's see how well these do-gooders make out when their time comes.  TheCowsCameHome   Nov-29-09 03:50 PM   #11 
  - She wasn't flamed for what she is claiming here.  Duende azul   Nov-29-09 10:20 PM   #141 
  - Thank you!  queenjane   Nov-29-09 03:51 PM   #12 
  - queenjane  katkat   Nov-30-09 06:10 AM   #183 
  - Most people have never been in long term care, so it scares them.  imdjh   Nov-29-09 03:53 PM   #13 
  - H.K. an @sshole you are not...  icnorth   Nov-29-09 03:54 PM   #14 
  - My wife's cousin has been trying to get her mon to go to a  old mark   Nov-29-09 03:55 PM   #15 
  - Well, OldMark  Iwillnevergiveup   Nov-29-09 08:14 PM   #113 
     - About half of that side of the fmily is lawyers - I am sure this has occurred to them.  old mark   Nov-30-09 06:51 AM   #188 
  - k and r-- I am, alas, not surprised that you were flamed for your comments--  niyad   Nov-29-09 03:58 PM   #16 
  - There are some promising developments in LTC.  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 04:10 PM   #24 
     - that is a good start, but so much more needs to be done, and yet, people are really reluctant to  niyad   Nov-29-09 04:24 PM   #28 
  - Yes. Exactly what you said.  Cerridwen   Nov-29-09 04:01 PM   #18 
  - like raising a child, 24 hour care and not so much sleep.  Whisp   Nov-29-09 09:13 PM   #131 
     - Not quite.  Cerridwen   Nov-29-09 09:18 PM   #133 
     - Yes, but you choose to have children.  wickerwoman   Nov-30-09 01:31 AM   #168 
        - sounds like a lot of people in here not wanting to take care of their parents had abusive parents  katkat   Nov-30-09 06:31 AM   #187 
           - That was kind of unnecessary. eom  Hello_Kitty   Nov-30-09 08:09 AM   #194 
           - What a strange post... are you sure you're responding to the right person?  wickerwoman   Nov-30-09 11:02 AM   #212 
  - We had to put my grandmother in a home recently.  Cessna Invesco Palin   Nov-29-09 04:03 PM   #20 
  - Deleted sub-thread  Name removed   Nov-29-09 04:07 PM   #22 
  - we need to make sure that the elderly receive the best care possible ...  etherealtruth   Nov-29-09 04:14 PM   #25 
  - do NOT, under ANY circumstances, promise that you will NOT put a parent or loved one in  niyad   Nov-29-09 04:16 PM   #26 
  - Amen to that! When I worked in Hospice I had sooo many families whose  laughingliberal   Nov-29-09 06:58 PM   #87 
     - Don't you think too that families can give their Love more freely without the stress of having to  patrice   Nov-29-09 07:23 PM   #99 
     - That was how I saw it.  laughingliberal   Nov-29-09 07:29 PM   #102 
        - Depending upon the working relationships involved, it could be a very liberating and loving  patrice   Nov-29-09 07:43 PM   #107 
     - I agree and have witnessed some aspects of this dilemma.  Fire1   Nov-29-09 08:25 PM   #118 
  - In most states no one can just PUT grandma in the nursing home.  jwirr   Nov-29-09 04:26 PM   #30 
  - .  Swamp Rat   Nov-29-09 04:27 PM   #31 
  - No, they're not. People are assholes for arguing without listening,  Gormy Cuss   Nov-29-09 04:28 PM   #32 
  - there are some people who will still need to be in a long term care facility  cali   Nov-29-09 04:38 PM   #37 
  - The number would be a small fraction of the population in LTC today  Gormy Cuss   Nov-29-09 04:49 PM   #41 
  - Again, you're entitled to think I'm an asshole for my opinions on DU  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 04:45 PM   #40 
  - There's a difference between being an asshole and acting like one on DU.  Gormy Cuss   Nov-29-09 05:31 PM   #50 
  - There is no substitute for the continuous, 24/7, presence of experienced specialized medical  patrice   Nov-29-09 06:04 PM   #61 
  - Agreed, when some one is in that dire a condition  Gormy Cuss   Nov-29-09 06:35 PM   #75 
     - And if, policy-wise, it were to come down to competition for resources held in common?  patrice   Nov-29-09 06:40 PM   #80 
        - Obviously not, but that presumes that alternatives would be more costly  Gormy Cuss   Nov-30-09 01:35 AM   #169 
  - perhaps. perhaps not  quakerboy   Nov-29-09 08:19 PM   #116 
  - My Mom - 92  WyLoochka   Nov-29-09 04:29 PM   #33 
  - The irony in our health care system is that people like you get guilted  noamnety   Nov-29-09 04:32 PM   #35 
  - While I was caring for my two elderly parents, both invalids, I soon decided I would not listen to  enough   Nov-29-09 04:34 PM   #36 
  - My mother went into a nursing home because  sarge43   Nov-29-09 04:38 PM   #38 
  - And that is something a lot of people don't understand...  pipi_k   Nov-29-09 05:33 PM   #51 
  - Thanks.  sarge43   Nov-29-09 05:49 PM   #58 
  - I'm an Alzheimer's Association volunteer....  gblady   Nov-30-09 02:17 AM   #174 
  - my father, 80  shanti   Nov-29-09 06:45 PM   #83 
     - Mom died several years ago.  sarge43   Nov-29-09 07:07 PM   #94 
     - ---  Kajsa   Nov-30-09 01:29 PM   #219 
        - i'm so sorry...  shanti   Dec-01-09 03:07 PM   #247 
           - Thank you, Shanti.  Kajsa   Dec-01-09 05:37 PM   #248 
  - link to the other thread...  druidity33   Nov-29-09 04:39 PM   #39 
  - Here's a link to the subthread about nursing care  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 04:50 PM   #42 
  - My grandma is in a nursing home  exboyfil   Nov-29-09 04:50 PM   #43 
  - Unfortunately the health care reform does not deal with LTC.  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 05:20 PM   #46 
     - What? I thought something was posted here about a change in how LTC  patrice   Nov-29-09 09:30 PM   #137 
        - Maybe the Medicaid aspect of it.  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 09:45 PM   #138 
           - No, I think it was a new type of LTC insurance, something more affordable.  patrice   Nov-29-09 11:02 PM   #149 
  - My family has done what most Americans consider to be the ideal Elder Care.  patrice   Nov-29-09 05:17 PM   #44 
  - Wow, that is a really insightful and thorough response.  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 05:25 PM   #47 
     - I'm getting old, so I have seen a lot.  patrice   Nov-29-09 05:38 PM   #54 
  - I don't think you're an asshole. There are a lot more options and stages of  NC_Nurse   Nov-29-09 05:17 PM   #45 
  - It can be cruel to the elderly relative to not put them where they can get the care they need, too.  JoeyT   Nov-29-09 05:26 PM   #48 
  - We had to do that with my grandma, one of the hardest things to do in one's life.  Initech   Nov-29-09 05:29 PM   #49 
  - Exactly on point  Raine   Nov-29-09 05:34 PM   #52 
  - I completely respect your right to do what is best for you  Mari333   Nov-29-09 05:37 PM   #53 
  - It's funny but when I used to do LTC planning with couples  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 06:05 PM   #63 
  - probably true, but I worked in some nursing homes  Mari333   Nov-29-09 06:09 PM   #65 
  - I've helped out and done that and more for 2 people  tnlefty   Nov-29-09 07:24 PM   #100 
  - a friend of mine said that earlier this year when he was dying of lung cancer  Djinn   Nov-30-09 12:10 AM   #160 
  - This post is misleading. "DU Public Enemy Number One"? Chill out, it's not all about you.  Duende azul   Nov-29-09 05:49 PM   #59 
  - Since this thread is about nursing care what say you about this?  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 06:03 PM   #60 
  - Children are NOT a retirement plan and Elder Care need not be prohibitively expensive to the poor.  patrice   Nov-29-09 06:13 PM   #68 
  - There's no dog-whistling about the comments I quoted.  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 06:38 PM   #77 
     - re dogs and whistles =/= you.  patrice   Nov-29-09 07:00 PM   #89 
  - quoting things out of context  druidity33   Nov-29-09 06:15 PM   #70 
  - I realize I should have left out any reference to that OP because it's taking this thread off topic.  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 06:50 PM   #84 
  - So what?  Duende azul   Nov-29-09 07:20 PM   #98 
     - So plenty.  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 07:40 PM   #105 
     - Wow. Are you intentionally misreading?  Duende azul   Nov-29-09 09:02 PM   #128 
        - Then come up with a system that doesn't oppress women  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 09:16 PM   #132 
           - Again you are misquoting what I said.  Duende azul   Nov-29-09 10:04 PM   #140 
              - That is a disgusting accusation and you really should take it back  Hello_Kitty   Nov-30-09 08:25 AM   #196 
     - Everyone for her/himself: Cultural differences ARE speaking here, for example:  patrice   Nov-29-09 10:23 PM   #142 
  - thank you  druidity33   Nov-29-09 06:04 PM   #62 
  - This OP is about nursing care  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 06:19 PM   #71 
     - there is a difference  druidity33   Nov-29-09 06:39 PM   #79 
        - Those comments are not out of context.  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 07:11 PM   #96 
  - Who is to assess the quality of family care? Those who are cared for?  patrice   Nov-29-09 06:27 PM   #73 
     - I had no issue with the topic of this OP. Neither any preference for individual solutions.  Duende azul   Nov-29-09 08:17 PM   #115 
        - There are state-level programs that Family Care can access - it varies from state to state.  patrice   Nov-29-09 09:08 PM   #130 
           - Thank you for the answer.  Duende azul   Nov-29-09 09:48 PM   #139 
              - Welcome. You have a good point about individual and familial responsibility.  patrice   Nov-29-09 10:53 PM   #147 
  - I am with you on this one...  Bennyboy   Nov-29-09 06:10 PM   #66 
  - No, the assholery comes in when old folks have no visitors.  travelingtypist   Nov-29-09 06:10 PM   #67 
  - Ding, ding, ding! . . . Or start a lawsuit of somekind.  patrice   Nov-29-09 06:15 PM   #69 
  - That always sucks  quakerboy   Nov-29-09 08:21 PM   #117 
     - Well, gee, it just must've been the parents they're neglecting.  travelingtypist   Nov-29-09 08:27 PM   #119 
        - Because that is in anyway comperable  quakerboy   Nov-29-09 08:37 PM   #121 
        - Apples and oranges.  wickerwoman   Nov-30-09 02:16 AM   #173 
  - oh kitty hugs to you, and don't let the haters get you down  pitohui   Nov-29-09 06:22 PM   #72 
  - am torn to call adult protective services  medeak   Nov-29-09 06:29 PM   #74 
  - Oh my!  patrice   Nov-29-09 06:36 PM   #76 
  - ...  tosh   Nov-29-09 06:59 PM   #88 
     - www.care.com  medeak   Nov-29-09 07:04 PM   #92 
  - No one who goes through this will criticize you, so tell the others  lunatica   Nov-29-09 06:41 PM   #81 
  - No such thing was ever said  treestar   Nov-29-09 06:43 PM   #82 
  - just read the other thread and don't recall the OP  Djinn   Nov-30-09 12:22 AM   #164 
  - No one can make that generic ....  gleaner   Nov-29-09 06:52 PM   #85 
  - Agree about arrangements, with the addition that the process should be started WAY, WAY in  patrice   Nov-29-09 07:07 PM   #93 
     - I agree ...  gleaner   Nov-30-09 03:07 AM   #176 
        - Been there with Daddy. There are many, many, many pros & cons with chemo for the Elderly.  patrice   Nov-30-09 08:31 AM   #198 
  - Well, since you're a monster to those people you can tell them to fuck off with a clear conscience.  DRoseDARs   Nov-29-09 06:56 PM   #86 
  - My MIL, at age 93, lives in a nursing home. She uses a walker, but  Obamanaut   Nov-29-09 07:02 PM   #90 
  - The Family Councils are extremely extremely important AND a powerful  patrice   Nov-29-09 07:09 PM   #95 
  - My cousin cared for my aunt in her home for years longer than she should have  WolverineDG   Nov-29-09 07:04 PM   #91 
  - Bless you  goclark   Nov-29-09 07:12 PM   #97 
  - I'm sorry you lost your Mom at such a young age Kitty.  OnceUponTimeOnTheNet   Nov-29-09 07:39 PM   #104 
  - You are wise, Grasshopper. They receive better care there, as long as there are  Honeycombe8   Nov-29-09 07:44 PM   #108 
  - I'm going through EXACTLY this right now  Le Taz Hot   Nov-29-09 07:47 PM   #110 
  - I learned from my Mom  EC   Nov-29-09 07:53 PM   #111 
  - It absolutely depends on the person and their condition.  Fire1   Nov-29-09 08:54 PM   #126 
     - And unfortunately, not all children are as loving and grateful towards their  Joe Chi Minh   Nov-30-09 12:03 PM   #217 
  - After many years of taking care of all ages of people across the spectrum  Horse with no Name   Nov-29-09 08:09 PM   #112 
  - +1  quakerboy   Nov-29-09 08:39 PM   #123 
  - I got a front row seat to that with my ex-girlfriend and her dying mother  Sen. Walter Sobchak   Nov-30-09 02:53 AM   #175 
  - Couldn't agree with this more.  Dappleganger   Nov-30-09 09:14 AM   #204 
     - Amen.  wickerwoman   Nov-30-09 11:13 AM   #214 
  - My dad has insisted  quakerboy   Nov-29-09 08:36 PM   #120 
  - Don't listen to the ninnies  donheld   Nov-29-09 08:38 PM   #122 
  - Well said, Hello_Kitty. Been there. Done that. Hated it, but caring for my senile Mom  bertman   Nov-29-09 08:52 PM   #124 
  - Another great point.  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 09:29 PM   #136 
  - I'm the caretaker of my mother right now....  jennied   Nov-29-09 08:54 PM   #125 
  - !  patrice   Nov-29-09 10:37 PM   #144 
  - Bless your heart. I wish there was more access to home health  Thickasabrick   Nov-30-09 12:15 PM   #218 
  - ---  Kajsa   Nov-30-09 01:45 PM   #221 
  - You are so right  salib   Nov-29-09 09:04 PM   #129 
  - I had to move my 89 yo father from California to here in North Carolina in 2000  mnhtnbb   Nov-29-09 09:24 PM   #135 
  - Having worked in a nursing home once, I will never, EVER subject my parents to that  cowcommander   Nov-29-09 10:30 PM   #143 
  - And do you think no one ever gets bad care from their relatives?  Hello_Kitty   Nov-29-09 10:40 PM   #145 
  - Well, considering how I'm studying to be an LVN and maybe an RN after a few years...  cowcommander   Nov-29-09 11:09 PM   #151 
     - So everyone should train to become a nurse now?  Hello_Kitty   Nov-30-09 08:08 AM   #193 
     - My mother tried to plan ahead, but plans be damned...  Dappleganger   Dec-01-09 09:32 AM   #242 
  - I wish you could come visit the home I work in and ask our Residents how they feel about it.  patrice   Nov-29-09 10:42 PM   #146 
  - You are full of poo.  OnceUponTimeOnTheNet   Nov-30-09 06:57 PM   #232 
  - I'm going through the same hell right now.  MUAD_DIB   Nov-29-09 11:01 PM   #148 
  - It's Damned Hard to see a Parent go down. Damned Hard!!  patrice   Nov-29-09 11:05 PM   #150 
     - It is not how I want to remember my father. Thanks...  MUAD_DIB   Nov-29-09 11:38 PM   #153 
        - Believe me, I know and you're right, it isn't!  patrice   Nov-30-09 12:00 AM   #157 
  - I'd like some advise in this area actually..  1awake   Nov-29-09 11:25 PM   #152 
  - You can't make people take care of themselves.  AlbertCat   Nov-29-09 11:44 PM   #154 
  - All SNF/LTC have Social Workers who can advise you on the technicalities  patrice   Nov-29-09 11:51 PM   #156 
  - LTC Social Workers can also work with you specifically to ease her difficulties  patrice   Nov-30-09 12:04 AM   #159 
  - Oh, and ask about staffing schedules! and compare homes on that.  patrice   Nov-30-09 12:16 AM   #162 
  - Damned right, Kitty!  SeattleGirl   Nov-29-09 11:44 PM   #155 
  - I hope I never have to BUT  Djinn   Nov-30-09 12:02 AM   #158 
  - Both of my parents died in care.  BobTheSubgenius   Nov-30-09 12:30 AM   #165 
  - Hi, as a person who has talked to my family about putting me  Cleita   Nov-30-09 12:39 AM   #166 
  - PUT ME IN A HOME  AllTooEasy   Nov-30-09 01:29 AM   #167 
  - The assholes are  cartach   Nov-30-09 01:39 AM   #170 
  - Each situation is different, and no one has the right to  LibDemAlways   Nov-30-09 02:09 AM   #172 
  - Well said. nt  Road Scholar   Nov-30-09 04:45 AM   #177 
  - I work in a nursing care home  Chulanowa   Nov-30-09 04:59 AM   #178 
  - We had to put my mother in the nursing home in May  liberal N proud   Nov-30-09 05:05 AM   #179 
  - We will most likely have to put dad in a care facility if his health deteriorates much more.  Wapsie B   Nov-30-09 09:41 AM   #205 
  - Unless You Have Lived This You Should Never Criticize  sandyj999   Nov-30-09 05:30 AM   #180 
  - No argument here!  Firstzar   Nov-30-09 05:45 AM   #181 
  - welcome to DU--home and sanctuary for many of us.  niyad   Dec-01-09 12:25 AM   #240 
  - I would rather be dead than live in a nursing home  Chemisse   Nov-30-09 06:10 AM   #184 
  - I understand how you feel  pipi_k   Nov-30-09 08:01 AM   #191 
     - That is wonderful that you allowed her to be home and have a 'good' death  Chemisse   Nov-30-09 04:54 PM   #230 
  - you have my support 100%  GinaMaria   Nov-30-09 06:27 AM   #185 
  - I Agree  WVRICK13   Nov-30-09 06:28 AM   #186 
  - Totally agree with you. Three years ago my mother-in-law who I cared for allot  southernyankeebelle   Nov-30-09 07:00 AM   #189 
  - Too easy to judge  get the red out   Nov-30-09 08:00 AM   #190 
  - ITA, and anyone who says/implies they are probably hasn't been faced with this--YET. rec'd nt  raccoon   Nov-30-09 08:04 AM   #192 
  - I agree with you, Kitty  Love Bug   Nov-30-09 08:18 AM   #195 
  - I haven't read all of the posts in this thread, but....  blueamy66   Nov-30-09 08:28 AM   #197 
  - What's with all the immigrant slams?  Yes We Did   Nov-30-09 08:31 AM   #199 
  - Okay, so what shall be done with those whose "own" can't take care of them?  patrice   Nov-30-09 09:13 AM   #203 
  - I didn't mean it like that, so don't misrepresent what I said.  Yes We Did   Dec-01-09 11:19 PM   #250 
  - Second poster full of poo.  OnceUponTimeOnTheNet   Nov-30-09 07:35 PM   #234 
  - Examples:  Hello_Kitty   Nov-30-09 07:51 PM   #236 
     - This online back and forth is easy behind a keyboard. Time to change a adult diaper.....  OnceUponTimeOnTheNet   Nov-30-09 08:10 PM   #237 
     - Yes... poor white people. Got their feelings hurt. please. n/t  Yes We Did   Dec-01-09 11:20 PM   #251 
        - Um, great reading comprehension ya got there, sport.  Hello_Kitty   Dec-02-09 08:19 AM   #253 
  - I didn't read the other thread, but anybody that doesn't realize the need for nursing home care,  sinkingfeeling   Nov-30-09 08:58 AM   #201 
  - When I'm old and need care I only hope that I could be in a nursing home  onlyadream   Nov-30-09 09:06 AM   #202 
  - Happy to recommend...  joeybee12   Nov-30-09 10:03 AM   #206 
  - Thank you, Hello Kitty.  Kajsa   Nov-30-09 10:13 AM   #209 
  - It's often expected that the women of the family should take on the care  Arugula Latte   Nov-30-09 10:56 AM   #210 
  - Nursing Homes  mstinamotorcity   Nov-30-09 10:56 AM   #211 
  - excellent answer......been spending a lot of time in nursing homes  Alameda   Nov-30-09 02:49 PM   #222 
  - Some things are just nobody's business.  AngryOldDem   Nov-30-09 11:08 AM   #213 
  - We were blessed  madamesilverspurs   Nov-30-09 11:41 AM   #215 
  - In Agreement  soarsboard2   Nov-30-09 11:52 AM   #216 
  - Same age and sounds like the same situation ..  butterfly77   Nov-30-09 01:35 PM   #220 
  - I disagree, and I've walked the walk  greengestalt   Nov-30-09 03:04 PM   #223 
  - You are right, of course.  elleng   Nov-30-09 03:08 PM   #224 
  - Oh, yes indeed...  pipi_k   Dec-01-09 10:41 AM   #244 
     - Thanks for explaining your difficulties, pipi, so other can understand.  elleng   Dec-01-09 07:22 PM   #249 
  - I work in a retirement community  pipoman   Nov-30-09 03:29 PM   #225 
  - People who attack you for this issue are idiots . . .  Peanutcat   Nov-30-09 03:40 PM   #226 
  - I know I lock horns with you a lot Kitty  DonCoquixote   Nov-30-09 03:40 PM   #227 
  - Thanks. And please don't misunderstand me re immigrants.  Hello_Kitty   Nov-30-09 07:41 PM   #235 
     - Oh, I get it  DonCoquixote   Dec-01-09 01:39 AM   #241 
  - We as a society lack the political will to support home- and community-based services  KamaAina   Nov-30-09 04:04 PM   #228 
  - +1  Kajsa   Nov-30-09 07:10 PM   #233 
  - Excellent post.  joshcryer   Nov-30-09 08:20 PM   #239 
  - I agree I wish my dad would put his mom in a home  Geek_Girl   Nov-30-09 04:04 PM   #229 
  - Same kind of stuff that happened with my mother's FIL  pipi_k   Nov-30-09 05:31 PM   #231 
  - I agree  JerseygirlCT   Nov-30-09 08:15 PM   #238 
  - I can understand why you'd be public enemy number 1.  Renew Deal   Dec-01-09 09:38 AM   #243 
  - Which makes me different from the average DUer, how, exactly?  Hello_Kitty   Dec-02-09 08:17 AM   #252 
  - It is not just the elderly - my oldest sister had to go to a nursing home  csziggy   Dec-01-09 10:42 AM   #245 
  - a lot of people here demonstrate via their own persons why we lose elections  dusmcj   Dec-01-09 11:09 AM   #246 
  - Buyer Beware: Most Nursing Homes are money-driven HELL HOLES...  demodonkey   Dec-02-09 08:59 AM   #254 
  - Nobody knows another's circumstances.  TicketyBoo   Dec-02-09 12:54 PM   #255 
  - Nice spin, but that's not what happened.  Midlodemocrat   Dec-03-09 06:10 AM   #256 
 

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