Reply #12: I married into an Asian family and have an interesting outsider's perspective on

[grace0418]

some of the family dynamics I've seen. My husband and several of my dearest friends are first generation Asian-Americans (Filipino, Korean, Taiwanese, Chinese, Thai, and Japanese) and when we are all together the conversation often turns to the topic of family structure and dynamics. Based on my limited experience (not that I'm claiming to be an expert or anthing), I wouldn't be at all surprised if Cho's parents suspected for many, many years that he was very ill, but they probably felt a deep shame about it, and were very afraid to seek treatment for him. I don't know this for sure, mind you. But it is my suspicion that they were just trying to do the best they could making ends meet in a country that was completely foreign to them and probably just swept those clues under the rug. I've seen people here and elsewhere blaming the family, but I think they didn't know any other way. As hard as it is for any family to face the mental illness of a child, I think it's even harder for Asian families still very close to their homeland's culture. Heck, my husband's parents are ashamed he doesn't want to buy a big house in the suburbs and have three perfect children, I can't imagine what they'd do if they found out he was mentally ill. He hasn't even told them that he's diabetic because he doesn't need their negativity and told-you-sos.

Anyway Droopy, thank you for sharing your story and talking about how your parents were very loving but almost unaware of what was happening to you. It was important to hear and very brave and wonderful of you to tell us.