Kim Jong Il holds emergency press conference to deny allegations.

[Buzz Clik]

In an unprecedented move, North Korean leader Kim Jong Il held an unscheduled press conference. The North Korean ruler was clearly trying to end ever-growing rumors circulating through the local press and the internet suggesting a sordid relationship between himself and former US President Bill Clinton. Kim made a brief but impassioned statement, answered no questions from the press, and immediately terminated the session.

"The persistent rumors concerning President Clinton and me are patently false. Releasing the American journalists into Mr. Clinton's custody was the diplomatically proper. North Korea had sent a clear message to the world that we will not tolerate spying, and detaining those women further would be meaningless. Mr. Clinton and I renewed our relationship -- our diplomatic relationship -- during his brief visit. Our interaction was strictly professional. Strictly political. Although I have great admiration for the president and recognize his charisma, his magnetism, our relationship ends there. I have never had an improper encounter with the president. And he has never asked me to."

At this point, a single tear was detected on the Dear Leader's cheek. He saluted the gathering and departed.

(needless to say, this is pure fantasy)