Reply #45: Actually, yeah, I am pretty happy, all things considered.

[calimary]

And thank you for the kind words! :hug:

My husband has his own misadventures, family-wise.

Oh well... what can you do? His parents are gone now, too. His mother had really horrendous alcoholism issues early-on, and he bore the brunt of that from her. His dad was emotionally cold for a long time before he finally started getting in touch with his own feelings, and his work kept him at the office late (although he was not the cheating type, either). But my guess is that she resented that a lot, being left alone at home all the time with all those kids and no help.

All you can do, I guess, is just try not to let history repeat itself. Awareness is key. And as little judgmentalism as you can manage. Yeah, they fucked up. They fucked up on you. They very likely didn't know what they were doing in that regard, and HEAVEN FORBID any of 'em would go get counseling or something. Back in their day, in the "perfect" Ozzie and Harriet '50's, that just wasn't done in polite society. And you just never had problems, anyway. :rofl:

You just shrug and move on. Forgive me for a coarse statement here, but what got me through a lot of it, especially later when I knew a lot more and was trying to come to peace with it, I'd tell myself "just do it like the drunks do: one day at a time." So "do it like the drunks do" became a mantra for me. It helps, of course, to remind oneself of one's own multiple imperfections while you're busily trying to figure out how badly you're judging other people. :shrug:

Probably informed my love of writing, too. I'd write a lot about things I was trying to get a handle on. Exploring your feelings by writing about them is quite enjoyable for me.

I did have some really nice validations in the midst of all this - daughter who thanks me (and us) for the way she was brought up, and how lucky she was and is, now that she's away in college and seeing how so many other people struggle. She's a budding psychologist and works with troubled kids and people in prison. And son, who was at the music store the other day, schmoozing with people. The store manager pulls me aside, telling me he was watching our boy and marveling. He's a BRAND NEW dad himself and told me he hoped that when his son is my son's age, that he's just like mine. Talk about being floored! Your kids represent you to the world. So you wanna at least TRY to make sure they turn out as okay as you're somehow able to help them be.

I just hope when I get to the outside of the Pearly Gates I can tell St. Peter honestly that at least I tried.