travelingtypist
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Sun Jun-28-09 04:22 PM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Sun Jun-28-09 04:23 PM by travelingtypist
How much it impacts you is up to you.
My story, my dad was a truck driver. He frequently came home with much less
than his supposed paycheck, robbed he said. Mom always knew it was booze and
hookers or something like that. The whole family was messed up. I got felt
up by my dad and my brother and at least two uncles that I remember (38DD when
I was 14).
I got married when I was 16 to escape. My husband died in an oilfield accident.
I joined the Army at 17, went to Germany for five years, still escaping.
My own relationships with men have been basically the kind that I don't give
anyone a chance to invade my personal space or my life alone. I have a male
friend, but I send him away when I'm done with him.
It took a really long time for me to forgive my mom and dad. My brother never
admitted what happened and other bad stuff happened with him later. I haven't
talked to him in 20 years.
I guess my point is you can't stay angry. Be clear on what happened, why it
happened, how it affected you, and then let it go.
|
| -Ladies, if you knew your dad slept around while married to your mom... |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 04:01 PM |
#0 |
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I had a brother who was born one month before me |
CatWoman |
Jun-28-09 04:04 PM |
#1 |
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Bet. |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 04:42 PM |
#21 |
| -
My ex has a brother who was born 4 months after him. |
OmmmSweetOmmm |
Jun-28-09 05:45 PM |
#59 |
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I spent minutes staring at your post wondering, "how is that biologically possible?" |
HamdenRice |
Jun-29-09 10:10 AM |
#96 |
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my father waited until he was 60, couldnt get it up, and blame mom |
seabeyond |
Jun-28-09 04:08 PM |
#2 |
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My problem is my mom. She can't get over it. I'm trying to get her to get into |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 04:22 PM |
#9 |
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Your mom isn't acting childishly... |
colinmom71 |
Jun-28-09 04:58 PM |
#32 |
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I talk to her about counseling every day. I'm gonna take your reading suggestion |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 05:35 PM |
#56 |
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I was going to suggest |
MuseRider |
Jun-28-09 06:07 PM |
#65 |
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my mom never drank. she started drinking. quit eating. went to therapy and they gave her drugs |
seabeyond |
Jun-28-09 08:44 PM |
#78 |
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I have two opposing thoughts here. |
noamnety |
Jun-28-09 04:10 PM |
#3 |
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So sorry, posted in the wrong place! (nt) |
colinmom71 |
Jun-28-09 04:49 PM |
#24 |
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I'm still wondering what affect it will have on my sons when they find out about their mom's affair |
villager |
Jun-28-09 04:13 PM |
#4 |
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For me it was huge. I don't know why. I'm hoping that your boys don't have |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 04:18 PM |
#5 |
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How could you NOT let it impact you? |
Raine1967 |
Jun-28-09 04:18 PM |
#6 |
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Thank you. Oh my mom plays a huge role in this whole thing. She won't |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 04:28 PM |
#14 |
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ROFL! |
Raine1967 |
Jun-28-09 05:23 PM |
#47 |
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You are not nutz. |
travelingtypist |
Jun-28-09 04:22 PM |
#7 |
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Thank you. I had those same issues as a kid but with an extended relative. |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 04:30 PM |
#15 |
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That sounds like a solid, sensible plan. |
travelingtypist |
Jun-28-09 04:42 PM |
#20 |
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yes, we knew at a young age that our father cheated on mom . . . |
ellenfl |
Jun-28-09 04:22 PM |
#8 |
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Did your dad know you figured it out? |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 04:46 PM |
#23 |
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i don't know. we never discussed it that i recall. but then, |
ellenfl |
Jun-29-09 08:14 AM |
#89 |
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Sorry about his callous response to you. |
salin |
Jun-28-09 04:24 PM |
#10 |
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Yup still together. It is true that my dad has this 'it's all about me' thing |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 04:52 PM |
#26 |
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That sounds like a wise approach |
salin |
Jun-28-09 04:56 PM |
#29 |
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You can't help how you feel, so if it did have an effect on you |
OKNancy |
Jun-28-09 04:26 PM |
#11 |
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I'm mad cuz still afterall these years he's still talking to the woman. Even |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 04:57 PM |
#31 |
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No but I'd lose a lot of respect for my dad. Which is very sad. |
Inspired |
Jun-28-09 04:26 PM |
#12 |
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I have. I can't tell him that cuz I think it'd hurt him. I think he can figure it out though. |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 05:00 PM |
#34 |
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I would have had a very hard time with it |
get the red out |
Jun-28-09 04:27 PM |
#13 |
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My dad was a serial cheater. Kept company with several other woman. |
calimary |
Jun-28-09 04:32 PM |
#16 |
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Wow. Sorry to hear that but my story is the same but with a twist. |
Mandate My Ass |
Jun-28-09 04:52 PM |
#27 |
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Hey, what can you do, she said, shrugging again. |
calimary |
Jun-28-09 05:06 PM |
#38 |
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It's funny what little kids key on. Your sister was abandonment. |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 05:11 PM |
#42 |
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Wow! Great post. Congratulatinos on your 33+ marriage. Sounds like |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 05:07 PM |
#40 |
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Actually, yeah, I am pretty happy, all things considered. |
calimary |
Jun-28-09 05:19 PM |
#45 |
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Infidelity |
MuseRider |
Jun-28-09 06:37 PM |
#70 |
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VERY true. They don't call it a messy business for nothing! |
calimary |
Jun-28-09 11:59 PM |
#87 |
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Trust, abandonment, sure it has an impact. |
EFerrari |
Jun-28-09 04:34 PM |
#17 |
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I need to work on forgiving my dad. I wish my brother were here in GA |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 05:19 PM |
#46 |
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I really hear that because I didn't have any sibs to help me deal with them. |
EFerrari |
Jun-28-09 05:24 PM |
#48 |
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Somehow you have to get to the point where you forgive your dad for YOUR sake |
nini |
Jun-28-09 04:36 PM |
#18 |
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I told him today so I think I can let it go. It was time and today was the day. |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 05:25 PM |
#49 |
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You have every right to your feelings. |
demmiblue |
Jun-28-09 04:39 PM |
#19 |
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You have every right to be mad |
ayeshahaqqiqa |
Jun-28-09 04:43 PM |
#22 |
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My father was faithful to my mother for 40 years |
undeterred |
Jun-28-09 04:49 PM |
#25 |
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Yes, OMG that is rare. I don't think any of my relatives have had faithful |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 04:54 PM |
#28 |
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oh that is sad. i have more people in my family that have had no cheating |
seabeyond |
Jun-28-09 09:37 PM |
#86 |
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Hi My Friend |
goclark |
Jun-28-09 04:56 PM |
#30 |
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Thank you. Great post. |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 05:30 PM |
#53 |
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I wonder whether marriages suck "because of infidelity," or... |
InvisibleTouch |
Jun-28-09 04:59 PM |
#33 |
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Possession? |
mamaleah |
Jun-28-09 05:05 PM |
#37 |
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I don't advocate lying and sneaking around... |
InvisibleTouch |
Jun-28-09 05:26 PM |
#51 |
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I guess I look at it more self-lessly |
mamaleah |
Jun-28-09 05:32 PM |
#54 |
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One can write one's own vows -- nobody is "locked" into a relationship. |
anneboleyn |
Jun-28-09 09:04 PM |
#81 |
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It's not that hard. |
seabeyond |
Jun-28-09 09:33 PM |
#84 |
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You might enjoy Against Love: A Polemic by Laura Kipnis |
Sisaruus |
Jun-28-09 05:57 PM |
#60 |
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I couldn't disagree with your post more. People know what they are getting |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 06:10 PM |
#67 |
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Yup kinda like |
mamaleah |
Jun-28-09 06:18 PM |
#69 |
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15 yrs in hubby and i amazed is so easy. both of us like our marriage, enjoy marriage. |
seabeyond |
Jun-28-09 09:04 PM |
#80 |
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It's your model for relationships but not your only one. |
wickerwoman |
Jun-28-09 05:00 PM |
#35 |
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Going forward starts today. You are right about that. |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 06:07 PM |
#64 |
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What about those whose Mom slept around while married to their dad |
UndertheOcean |
Jun-28-09 05:03 PM |
#36 |
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I saw this after I posted my reply below |
pipi_k |
Jun-28-09 05:16 PM |
#44 |
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I could be wrong but imho, it's not about men or women |
EFerrari |
Jun-28-09 05:26 PM |
#50 |
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I think it is the same thing. If my mom had done it I think it would have been |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 06:05 PM |
#63 |
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i dont think it matters much on the gender, do you? not |
seabeyond |
Jun-28-09 09:07 PM |
#82 |
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It would certainly have an impact on me if I knew one of my parents were not faithful to the other. |
mamaleah |
Jun-28-09 05:07 PM |
#39 |
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"Boys will be boys" - the response of a total asswipe. |
Rabrrrrrr |
Jun-28-09 05:09 PM |
#41 |
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I know right! I told him that he said it today. I think it shocked him. |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 06:04 PM |
#62 |
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In my house, it was the opposite problem |
pipi_k |
Jun-28-09 05:14 PM |
#43 |
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his vow was taken with his wife...not you...I can appreciate that. I think in some |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 06:03 PM |
#61 |
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Here are some interesting numbers. Infidelity is very common. |
JDPriestly |
Jun-28-09 05:29 PM |
#52 |
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"Monogamy Myth" Straight up. Thanks for the numbers and the link. |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 05:44 PM |
#58 |
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UNTIL YOU ARE IN THAT SITUATION YOU REALLY CAN'T JUDGE = |
southernyankeebelle |
Jun-28-09 05:33 PM |
#55 |
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Oh I'm not judging mom. She needs help though. Seriously. |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 05:37 PM |
#57 |
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please stop yelling. |
anneboleyn |
Jun-28-09 09:07 PM |
#83 |
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i figured |
seabeyond |
Jun-28-09 09:34 PM |
#85 |
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you are not crazy at all |
dana_b |
Jun-28-09 06:08 PM |
#66 |
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I do the cold shoulder good. I'm also a champ @ walking away. |
xultar |
Jun-28-09 06:48 PM |
#72 |
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Ir's YOUR choice - you can CHOOSE to "get over it" and lead YOUR OWN LIFE |
TankLV |
Jun-28-09 06:11 PM |
#68 |
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It happened a long long time ago, but |
asjr |
Jun-28-09 06:40 PM |
#71 |
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These things are complicated |
Blasphemer |
Jun-28-09 07:06 PM |
#73 |
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That wasn't the most important factor, although it certainly had an influence. |
LWolf |
Jun-28-09 07:29 PM |
#74 |
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Yup. I've come to realize that platonic is good. Unless it is Vin Diesel |
xultar |
Jun-29-09 09:14 AM |
#95 |
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he did cheat, it did affect me |
fortyfeetunder |
Jun-28-09 07:58 PM |
#75 |
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For me it's caused huge commitment issues 1. I don't want it to happen |
xultar |
Jun-29-09 09:05 AM |
#94 |
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I have a half brother born of an affair my dad had |
Skittles |
Jun-28-09 08:01 PM |
#76 |
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Looks like you gained something good at least. That's kinda cool. |
xultar |
Jun-29-09 08:45 AM |
#92 |
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My half-brother on my dad's side |
PSzymeczek |
Jun-28-09 08:37 PM |
#77 |
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My dad cheated on my mom for years |
tammywammy |
Jun-28-09 08:49 PM |
#79 |
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I love my dad. He's been a great father, I just feel that I let his actions |
xultar |
Jun-29-09 08:43 AM |
#91 |
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I had that coversation too! |
tammywammy |
Jun-29-09 11:21 AM |
#97 |
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How about this? |
Bucky |
Jun-29-09 12:08 AM |
#88 |
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Thanks Bucky. I'm feeling much lighter today! |
xultar |
Jun-29-09 08:39 AM |
#90 |
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Hope we helped you to feel better |
goclark |
Jun-29-09 08:46 AM |
#93 |
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