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Reply #20: As unrealistic as abstinence only [View All]

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Adelante Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri May-08-09 10:42 AM
Response to Original message
20. As unrealistic as abstinence only
Human beings are tempted and human beings fail. It's going to happen and it's going to hurt somebody. I don't generally judge people's sex lives. I don't see it as my business who sleeps with who, as long as it doesn't involve children or animals. Now, open marriage was tried by my generation with all good intention. It was about freedom. But in my observation it didn't come pain-free or without destruction, so even if there is an agreement, human frailty may prevail. If you try for no expectations of a partner in this area, it likely will still hurt even if you don't want it to. If you try for every expectation, it will most certainly hurt even more. It's something each partnership has to work out and every human being is unique in emotional makeup, strength and weakness varies from person to person. Yes, there are people, I've known a few, who can operate safely in a completely open sexual environment - it's usually their partners who can't and I've always wondered about that, why either would commit on such an unequal playing field.
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  -Is it unrealistic (or just unnecessary) to expect people to sleep with one person only for life? dorkulon  May-08-09 10:07 AM   #0 
  - Both, in my pov,  elleng   May-08-09 10:11 AM   #1 
  - i was older when i got married. no we arent tired of sleeping iwth each other  seabeyond   May-08-09 10:12 AM   #2 
  - Aside from procreation, why should people get married?  MercutioATC   May-08-09 10:16 AM   #3 
  - NO REASON.  elleng   May-08-09 01:22 PM   #41 
  - I can not imagine not wanting to be with the one you love forever..  Winterblues   May-08-09 10:17 AM   #4 
  - ya know  seabeyond   May-08-09 10:20 AM   #12 
  - That's nice for you, but the question is really about the basic rules of relationships in general.  dorkulon   May-08-09 10:21 AM   #13 
  - Marriage is about a lot of things, and sex is one of those things.  Shell Beau   May-08-09 10:18 AM   #5 
  - Since most of the conventions  Turbineguy   May-08-09 10:18 AM   #6 
  - when sex starts getting old with the same person  pnutbutr   May-08-09 10:18 AM   #7 
  - Christian marriage is a commitment in many ways.  theoldman   May-08-09 10:18 AM   #8 
  - Depends on a lot of things...  MineralMan   May-08-09 10:19 AM   #9 
  - i think it is possible to be with only one person for life. relationships are very complicated t  ejpoeta   May-08-09 10:20 AM   #10 
  - I understand it's "possible," but is it necessary or even desirable?  dorkulon   May-08-09 10:29 AM   #16 
     - i don't know. from my perspective, i made a commitment to my husband...  ejpoeta   May-08-09 12:12 PM   #38 
  - it can be neither and it can be both, depending on the people involved  fishwax   May-08-09 10:20 AM   #11 
  - Depends on the wants and needs of those involved  Echo In Light   May-08-09 10:22 AM   #14 
  - If you have your priorities in order...  Triana   May-08-09 10:25 AM   #15 
  - Improbable  FarCenter   May-08-09 10:30 AM   #17 
  - As someone said, when it's right, it's right...  WilmywoodNCparalegal   May-08-09 10:33 AM   #18 
  - There is an evolutionary advantage, for both men and women,  Occam Bandage   May-08-09 10:37 AM   #19 
  - Good points.  dorkulon   May-08-09 10:43 AM   #21 
     - seeing how you dont have mass group of women getting impreg by alpha male and having beta male  seabeyond   May-08-09 10:46 AM   # 
  - As unrealistic as abstinence only  Adelante   May-08-09 10:42 AM   #20 
  - I have to admit  dorkulon   May-08-09 10:46 AM   #23 
  - Believe it or not some people actually do this. If somebody doesn't think they can be faithful  WI_DEM   May-08-09 10:45 AM   #22 
  - People are different. Monogamy suits some people. It doesn't suit some people.  salguine   May-08-09 10:48 AM   #24 
  - As someone who was cheated upon ... I fully agree with you. It was no big deal.  ieoeja   May-08-09 10:52 AM   #25 
  - Obviously your spouse wasn't as committed as you were to your marriage.  WI_DEM   May-08-09 10:54 AM   #26 
  - Two very good questions nt  Adelante   May-08-09 11:04 AM   #31 
  - if my hubby cheated on me i wouldnt hate him. i would thank him for the years of being happy  seabeyond   May-08-09 11:15 AM   #32 
  - Hurting my spouse by sleeping with another person kills the fun of  Ilsa   May-08-09 10:57 AM   #27 
  - No, I don't think it's natural. It's what people do, or attempt to do.  krabigirl   May-08-09 10:57 AM   #28 
  - I became active in those scant few years of FREE SEX!!!  Karenina   May-08-09 11:28 AM   #36 
  - "Open Marriages" - usually end in divorce, from what I have observed.  yellowcanine   May-08-09 11:02 AM   #29 
  - From what I've observed, "closed" marriages usually end in divorce, too.  Lyric   May-08-09 02:43 PM   #44 
  - closed ones do as well from my observations. nt  La Lioness Priyanka   May-08-09 02:45 PM   #45 
  - Any marriage is defined by the people in it.  davsand   May-08-09 11:02 AM   #30 
  - Been married for 36 years, we have had our problems, but none involving sex. I think  madmom   May-08-09 11:20 AM   #33 
  - It isn't for me, but my wife is totally HAWT!!!  Vickers   May-08-09 11:21 AM   #34 
  - I know it's realistic, because I've seen it.  Iggo   May-08-09 11:23 AM   #35 
  - I can't imagine sharing a bedroom with someone  imdjh   May-08-09 11:29 AM   #37 
  - My thoughts:  LynzM   May-08-09 12:45 PM   #39 
  - That's the stupid thing; marriage is NOT about sex.  elleng   May-08-09 01:22 PM   #40 
  - The only way infidelity seems to work is if you have a secret "open" marriage,  Evoman   May-08-09 01:55 PM   #42 
  - It doesn't really matter if you promised to do that  JerseygirlCT   May-08-09 02:38 PM   #43 
  - No  Dappleganger   May-08-09 02:52 PM   #46 
 

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