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Reply #29: I think Dave Barry's Martian Death Flu must have been the '76 swine flu [View All]

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csziggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Apr-25-09 09:41 PM
Response to Reply #4
29. I think Dave Barry's Martian Death Flu must have been the '76 swine flu
We have the flu. I don't know if this particular strain has an official name, but if it does, it must be something like "Martian Death Flu". You may have had it yourself. The main symptom is that you wish you had another setting on your electric blanket, up past "HIGH", that said "ELECTROCUTION".

Another symptom is that you cease brushing your teeth, because (a) your teeth hurt, and (b) you lack the strength. Midway through the brushing process, you'd have to lie down in front of the sink to rest for a couple of hours, and rivulets of toothpaste foam would dribble sideways out of your
mouth, eventually hardening into crusty little toothpaste stalagmites that would bond your head permanently to the bathroom floor, which is how the police would find you.

You know the kind of flu I'm talking about.

-- Dave Barry, "Molecular Homicide"


I had it when I read his original column and almost literally coughed myself to death. I passed out from laughing/coughing and could not catch a breath for hours without stabbing pains.

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  -1976: Fear of a great plague. elocs  Apr-25-09 05:13 PM   #0 
  - One death versus 70 (out of c. 1000 known cases)...  Spider Jerusalem   Apr-25-09 05:19 PM   #1 
  - Personally, I'm going to shrug it off.  elocs   Apr-25-09 05:26 PM   #3 
     - Isn't there a middle ground between "panic" and "shrugging it off"?  MercutioATC   Apr-25-09 06:00 PM   #12 
        - Because these media hype stories always end the same way.  dem629   Apr-25-09 06:08 PM   #14 
        - I see, so if you get advance warning you're determined not to use it...  MercutioATC   Apr-25-09 06:10 PM   #15 
        - I certain there is, but my personal choice is shrugging it off.  elocs   Apr-25-09 07:37 PM   #24 
  - I, too, bypassed the 1976 flu shot, but I got my first one last October.  John1956PA   Apr-25-09 05:23 PM   #2 
  - I cannot even begin to remember the last time I had the flu.  elocs   Apr-25-09 05:50 PM   #10 
     - If you have the flu you know it  Mojorabbit   Apr-25-09 06:10 PM   #16 
        - Cold versus flu:  elocs   Apr-25-09 06:30 PM   #17 
           - exactly nt  Mojorabbit   Apr-25-09 06:42 PM   #19 
              - My point being that it is not simple to tell if you have only a cold or the flu:  elocs   Apr-25-09 07:23 PM   #21 
                 - My two flu bouts gave me an intense DRY cough unlike that of any cold I ever had.  John1956PA   Apr-25-09 08:20 PM   #27 
                    - We are Democrats here and we like choice. My personal choice based upon my experience and opinion  elocs   Apr-26-09 12:30 AM   #33 
  - Johnny Carson called swine flu, "The cure for which there is no known disease."  bulloney   Apr-25-09 05:27 PM   #4 
  - I think Dave Barry's Martian Death Flu must have been the '76 swine flu  csziggy   Apr-25-09 09:41 PM   #29 
  - " I never had a flu shot then and I have never had any flu shot and I won't start now either."  depakid   Apr-25-09 05:30 PM   #5 
  - No, I don't think so, but you evidently know better about me than I do. n/t  elocs   Apr-25-09 05:47 PM   #7 
     - I just know about foolhardy people- and what it usually takes  depakid   Apr-25-09 05:48 PM   #8 
        - I wonder if the local music teacher who got Guillain-Barre syndrome after getting a swine flu shot  elocs   Apr-25-09 05:56 PM   #11 
           - That also happened to my sister  newfie11   Apr-25-09 06:05 PM   #13 
           - Ah, more anti-vaccine nuttery  depakid   Apr-25-09 06:34 PM   #18 
              - My personal cure for judgmental know-it-alls: IGNORE. It works every time. n/t  elocs   Apr-25-09 07:27 PM   #22 
              - Perhaps you should get an education.  newfie11   Apr-25-09 07:42 PM   #25 
              - That has nothing at all to do with current influenza vaccinations  depakid   Apr-25-09 09:25 PM   #28 
              - There were problems with the swine flu vaccine  dflprincess   Apr-25-09 11:19 PM   #31 
  - I remember it too.  cwydro   Apr-25-09 05:36 PM   #6 
  - The timing is convenient, and the lack of geographic pattern curious.  TexasObserver   Apr-25-09 05:48 PM   #9 
  - The geographic dispersion is not at all unusual  depakid   Apr-25-09 07:48 PM   #26 
  - i remember that time vividly  DianeK   Apr-25-09 07:02 PM   #20 
  - Didn't think it was that long ago. Damn.  Vidar   Apr-25-09 07:35 PM   #23 
  - We are being attacked just like the Anthrax  lovuian   Apr-25-09 09:45 PM   #30 
  - Yes, we need to fear being treated like swine. That and "fear itself"  omega minimo   Apr-26-09 12:10 AM   #32 
  - So said a dead relative of yours in 1918  Joe the Revelator   Apr-26-09 12:35 AM   #34 
 

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