Reply #20: Thank you for your story. I too learned at an early age

[grace0418]

how horrible people can be. It's mortifying and degrading to be taunted, beaten, tripped, shunned, etc.

I remember my husband telling me how he was treated when he moved out the suburbs in grade school. He is Asian and, at the time, there were very few minorities in the suburb where he lived. So kids threw rocks and called him Chink or other charming names. It was horrible, but I think even at a young age he could understand that the kids were just racists and the taunting had nothing to do with him personally. Doesn't make the rocks hurt any less of course. But I think the difference is that, when kids are tormenting you based on some arbitrary assessment of your looks, your size, your clothes, etc., it feels much, much more personal. You start to believe there is truly something wrong with you.

Perhaps because I began to feel like I had done something to deserve the treatment I received, I never fantasized about taking revenge. What I did was to imagine moving to a new town. I had it all planned out. Before moving I would really work on what it was that made me such a monster. I'd sew new clothes for myself (knowing that my parents wouldn't buy me clothes), I'd lose weight, I'd find a better hairstyle, I'd practice sports to get better at them, I'd stop wearing glasses even if meant being blind, I'd hide the fact that I was smart, etc. It would be chance for me to start over and hopefully disguise the fact that I was such disgusting troll. I can't tell you the number of hours I spent wishing for that to come true. But I lived in the same town my whole life, and graduated with the same people who tormented me throughout. I had a few friends, but it seems like every time I let my guard down and let myself believe things were going to be okay, someone would come along and make my life hell.

As you can imagine, once I graduated I never looked back. I never attended a single reunion and have only even been back to my home town a handful of times.

Thank dog for college. Those four years changed my life, and I met many of the dear friends I have to this day.