Reply #89: Thanks!

[wickerwoman]

Another thing is that in some cultures it's not at all uncommon for people to have several different names for different contexts. Traditionally Chinese people might have a family nickname, like Meimei, a nickname that they use with coworkers and neighbors, like Lao Gao, a name that they use as government officials or in business, and a name that they use on their artistic works and calligraphy. So it's much less of a big deal for Chinese people to have an English name that's clearly for use in business contexts because they already have several Chinese names (and may have different names from their minority group plus their Mandarin name).

Parents spend as much time and effort choosing meaningful and attractive English names for their kids as they do choosing their Chinese name. I was called in to consult in a number of cases and there was no talking these parents out of picking an English name for their newborn. They took it as axiomatic that their child would need a name he or she could use with foreigners and which would be easy to understand, recognize and find attractive.

I spent a lot of time and consulted a lot of native speakers before picking my Chinese name "Xiao Mai" which means "little grain of wheat". It kind of annoys me when people put no thought into picking the name... just grab the first one on the list of common baby names. Giving yourself a new name is a great chance to show respect for your new second culture and to feel that you have really been accepted. You don't have to give up your first culture or be ashamed of it to embrace a second one.

In any case, I think the most important thing is that if someone asks you to call them something that you respect it and not make assumptions about someone else's level of comfort with their ethnicity(s).