I have officially resigned from the Mormon Church

[FreeState]

Two weeks ago I sent in my official letter to the Church resigning my membership and demanding that my name be removed from the Church records. The letter was written almost 8 months ago and sat on both my virtual desktop and my actual physical desktop for some time. I have not been to an LDS Church meeting or the Temple outside of family events in over 15 years.

Incase your wonder why I would need to send in a letter to resign the reason is the Church, unlike most other faiths, the LDS Church lists you as a member once you are baptized unless you request it be removed or you are excommunicated from the Church. If you do not attend Church they knock on your door once a year to invite you back - even if you ask them to not contact you again. Once you send in your letter of resignation it can take anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months to get a letter back stating your name has been removed and you are no longer a member. Legally you are no longer a member the second they receive your letter.

So why am I posting this to General Discussion instead of the Religion forum or the GLBT forum? While my post covers many topics such as spirituality and GLBT issues, the main reason I left the Church was neither because of my sexual orientation or my spirituality. I resigned for political reasons.

Growing up gay and Mormon for me was an exercise of hope and denial. I probably knew I was gay on some level from the age of five. When puberty hit I denied everything I was feeling on every level. In Mormonism the second worse sin is sexual impurity. You grow up LDS hearing this taught:

'Know ye not, my son,' he said, 'that these things are an abomination in the sight of the Lord; yea, most abominable above all the sins save it be the shedding of innocent blood or denying the Holy Ghost?' (Alma 39:5). Very few of us will ever be guilty of murder or of the sin against the Holy Ghost. But the law of chastity is frequently broken and yet it stands next to these other sins in seriousness in the eyes of the Lord. -Prophet Ezra Taft Benson, "The Law of Chastity," Ensign, Oct. 1988, page 36

So as a gay person I denied my feelings for many many years. I was very active in the Church, as were my parents and my whole family. I was ordained with the priesthood at 12. I blessed and passed the sacrament (communion). I went to Seminary - scripture study - every day before high school. I listened to a lot of LDS "pop" music. I dreamed and hoped that I could help the sick and the poor with the power of the Priesthood. I truly believed I could. I was the model Mormon kid every parent wanted. I never got in trouble. I did not drink or party or hang out with people that did. When I turned 19 I went through the Temple and went on a mission for two years.

Going through the Temple is a weird experience for almost all Mormons. Its very different than the spirituality you grow up with. There are no symbols at all outside of the Sacrament and baptism in the LDS meeting houses. The opposite is true of the temple - its all symbolic (from the clothing you wear to the hand gestures and more). I can remember both when I was baptized at 8 years old and when I went through the Temple at 19 feeling like I was making a mistake, but I followed the lead of my parents and the people I respected and worshiped with. Gradually I learned to respect the ceremonies and the things I did not understand as a special experience God gave to His devout followers.

On my mission I knew I had same sex attraction but I also believed that what I was doing was right. I was not forced to go on a mission by my family or anyone else - it was a decision I made all on my own. I believed 100% that I would go on a mission, come home and go to an LDS collage find a woman and have a family. The feelings I was having were just temporary and through enough obedience to the gospel they would go away. However, when I came home I dated several women and never once felt any sexual feelings towards any of them.

One day I met several people that were open about being gay. We worked together and so I got to talk to them regularly and learn about them on a non judgmental level. After several months I felt comfortable enough to tell them I was gay. Gradually I came out to more an more people and then to my family. Liberation for me had began and has never ended since.

I had intended at one point to keep my name on the Church records out of respect for my parents and our common past. My whole family is active in the Mormon Church to this day. I left the Church spiritually many years ago over issues dealing with Christianity in general, as well as the LDS theological views on women, racial minorities and extremism. I have not considered myself a believing member for many years. However to this day, and I suspect for possibly the rest of my life, I will always identify on some level as Mormon - although culturally based. My family goes all the way back to the very beginnings of the Church - its part of my history - there is no way I could snap my fingers and make it all go away, even if I wanted to.

When I came out to my family it was difficult for all of us. My parents had to work through issues the Church had taught them about gay people. My father thought I was acting out against him because I was mad at him. My Mother to this day has never mentioned my orientation to me outside of including my partner in our conversations. My younger siblings have no problem with my orientation. My older siblings are a mixed bad of "love the sinner, hate the sin" along with some cognitive diffidence among my brothers and among my older sisters support on some levels. My nephews and nieces have never talked openly about my orientation - although several of them are in high school and Im sure must know - they all have spent considerable time with both my partner and I over the years.

Personally coming out was very difficult for me, mainly because I feared how my family would react. I had left behind the religion I was raised in already so their was not spiritual hold up for me. Still I remember at one point thinking it would be more palatable to my family if I somehow were to die around the same time they found out. Luckily for me I sought professional help for insomnia at the time and had a good councilor to help me through the process.

Politically the members of the Church are usually conservative. In my very large family of over 100 I know of only two other Democrats. Many in my family are registered republicans but do vote for Democrats occasionally (most of my family members supported Obama). The Church taught us growing up that there were at the time only 3 issues the church had taken stances on and that all three were moral issues. The Church had lobbied against the Equal Rights Amendment, State Lotteries and Abortion. In the 1990's they added Marriage Equality to their "moral" list of political activity. This is the along with the other issues conflict with the LDS Churches statement made 100 years ago that they have never rescinded:

“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints holds to the doctrine of the separation of church and state; the non-interference of church authority in political matters; and the absolute freedom and independence of the individual in the performance of his political duties. . . . we favor: The absolute separation of church and state; No domination of the state by the church; No church interference with the functions of the state; No state interference with the functions of the church, or with the free exercise of religion; The absolute freedom of the individual from the domination of ecclesiastical authority in political affairs; The equality of all churches before the law” (May 1907). http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=da135f74db46c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=c795f48fa2d20110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1&contentLocale=0

Probably the biggest problem with the Church's political activity, for me anyway, is this scripture:

“We do not believe it just to mingle religious influence with civil government, whereby one religious society is fostered and another proscribed in its spiritual privileges, and the individual rights of its members, as citizens, denied.” Doctrine and Covenants 134:9 http://scriptures.lds.org/en/dc/134

The above revelation which Church members hold in the same regard as the Bible was revealed to Joseph Smith in August 1835 in Ohio. At this time the Church had been chased out of New York to Ohio and was experiencing problems once again with prejudice against them in Ohio. Incase your wondering Joseph Smith at this time had 2 wives - he would marry a total of at least 34 women in his lifetime (http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/).

I could go on and on about doctrinal problems (as I see them). But what it comes down to me is do I want my name associated at any level with an organization that is working against not only my Civil Rights but against Civil Rights of anyone? When I look back at my life when Im in my 70's or 80's would I be proud to be a member of such an organization even if it was just my name on the records? Clearly for me the answer is no. Surpassingly the answer is no because of many of the morals and hopes in this life that I hold dearest were taught to me by the same organization that I now see as one I can no longer be associated with. On some level I will always be a Mormon. I cant throw out my history.

The vast majority of members of the Church are good people that I would feel proud to call my friends. Not all members believe everything the Church teaches but try to follow what they believe is right with hopes that the Church will eventually see the light and/or they gain some knowladge as to why the Church leadership is teaching what it does. The Church members, and I assume most faiths are this way, are diverse in thought and political beliefs. You can't be a member of the Church for long before you realize that most members don't believe 100% of what the brethren in Salt Lake teaches. The Church hierarchy tries very hard to limit any dissent but ultimately people will speak up one way or the other on subtle levels. Prop 8 has probably hurt the Church in many ways - mostly in California. Its image is tarnished more now and local members are fractured over what has happened. Californian Mormons are a lot more liberal than Utah Mormons. They are exposed to a wider range of people and issues. As most members would tell you there are two types of Church members, a Utah Mormon and a Non Utah Mormon.

So what do I hope to accomplish by having my name removed? Besides my own reasons of integrity I hope that by leaving I make a stand for those that may travel a similar road I have. I know Im not the only one to officially leave over this issue, the church will realize this as well. I hope the Church, who is more image aware than they would ever admit, stands back and looks at their core beliefs and refocuses its efforts toward bring society together rather than tearing it apart in the name of dogma. I hope that believing gay kids and adults in the church will some day be able to see its okay to disagree with the church about such a fundamental human trait. I hope kids inside the Church and outside the Church can someday grow up in a society where their individual worth is not decided by whom they fall in love with.

This was an even longer post than it is - I cut a lot out of it - but Im willing to answer any questions - so please do ask anything you feel like knowing and Ill do my best to answer :)