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Reply #27: I'm sorry this happened :( May I offer some suggestions? [View All]

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progressivebydesign Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-20-08 11:55 AM
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27. I'm sorry this happened :( May I offer some suggestions?
Other kids can be so cruel, so I don't doubt he was responding to some comments either directly or indirectly from his classmates. As a parent, I think we've all had that sting of being made to feel as though we're an embarrassment at some point.

While I cannot fix what happened today.. perhaps you can do something that will help in the future. I don't know your, or your wife's, physical condition. But.. have you considered talking to your son and saying something like this, "we really thought a lot about what you said. I was hurt by it, but I do understand that in school kids can be cruel to anyone that's different. Your choice wasn't what I wanted to hear, but it made us look at ourselves and realize that regardless of how we look, more important is our health. You know things have been tough, and it's easy to neglect taking care of ourselves, but being healthy doesn't cost anything. We want to be there for you if it means reading at your school or shooting basketballs, or taking a bike ride. So.. can you help us work on our health so that we can enjoy things as a family? I thought that maybe we'll start taking walks after dinner every night.. or maybe we'll toss around a football or play frisbee on the weekends. It's not that important to us how your friends see us, but we care about being there for you, and part of that is being healthy so we can enjoy our time together. So, do you want to start tonight after dinner?"

That is a super-charged teaching-moment for you. If you approached it that way, you'd acknowledge that kids at school were probably being cruel (either directly or indirectly), you move past it and not make him feel the guilt over telling you (so he doesn't learn to believe he has to hide his feelings from you), it bring him IN to the situation and you're asking him to help out with it. Kids LOVE to help out and be part of something.. and perhaps, you may not have noticed, but he may be wishing for more outdoor family time with you.

Hope that helps. Again, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Both of my stepdaughters have had weight troubles, and I still remained shocked by the cruelty of other kids about it.
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  -My son broke my heart today. MarianJack  Oct-20-08 11:34 AM   #0 
  - I am so sorry to hear that.  DesertedRose   Oct-20-08 11:36 AM   #1 
  - Thanks,...  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 11:37 AM   #3 
  - Ouch- I can't imagine how that must hurt  Marrah_G   Oct-20-08 11:37 AM   #2 
  - We talked.  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 11:38 AM   #5 
     - He is reacting to what he knows to be public prejudice against  amitten   Oct-20-08 11:45 AM   #19 
  - Tell him "tough!" It's time for him to learn about humility, and familial loyalty.  Progs Rock   Oct-20-08 11:38 AM   #4 
  - Those are both issues...  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 11:39 AM   #6 
  - right  bigtree   Oct-20-08 11:40 AM   #7 
  - Not being a parent, I can't say I've had a similar experience. . .  ET Awful   Oct-20-08 11:40 AM   #8 
  - I'm sorry that how your son feels. But that's his opinion today.  no_hypocrisy   Oct-20-08 11:40 AM   #9 
  - Yes,...  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 12:27 PM   #44 
     - And the apple usually doesn't fall far from the tree.  no_hypocrisy   Oct-20-08 12:37 PM   #53 
  - Honor his wishes.  Horse with no Name   Oct-20-08 11:41 AM   #10 
  - Sorry, but that is the worst thing to do.  TexasObserver   Oct-21-08 07:38 AM   #140 
     - We're talking about peer pressure vs. parental pressure  Horse with no Name   Oct-21-08 02:40 PM   #146 
  - I know the feeling.  wtmusic   Oct-20-08 11:42 AM   #11 
  - Dude  DaveTheWave   Oct-20-08 11:42 AM   #12 
  - When I was a kid in Catholic School in the 60s...  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 12:29 PM   #46 
  - Hm... I wouldn't be too hurt.  SmokingJacket   Oct-20-08 11:42 AM   #13 
  - I think that your son might be a victim of advertising.  mediaman007   Oct-20-08 11:43 AM   #14 
  - Deleted sub-thread  Name removed   Oct-20-08 11:43 AM   #15 
  - I guess you have to respect his wishes..  Xenotime   Oct-20-08 11:43 AM   #16 
  - I would disagree.  wtmusic   Oct-20-08 12:05 PM   #31 
  - I don't have children, but my nieces and nephew (their parents  jjanpundt   Oct-20-08 11:43 AM   #17 
  - Acceptance and diversity are themes of our family.  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 12:42 PM   #60 
     - Great mix! One of the phrases my sister used for her kids was  jjanpundt   Oct-20-08 02:19 PM   #99 
  - My now 11-yo daughter got on me about my weight a year ago.  stopbush   Oct-20-08 11:45 AM   #18 
  - Yes, it makes me more serious about something I know I have to do.  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 12:45 PM   #63 
  - I used to be 100 lbs heavier until I quit Diet Drinks and the mass-produced US diet  El Pinko   Oct-20-08 11:45 AM   #20 
  - I know you mean well  Marrah_G   Oct-20-08 11:59 AM   #30 
  - Are you looking for input or pity?  stopbush   Oct-20-08 12:08 PM   #33 
  - ~ I ~ am not looking for anything.  Marrah_G   Oct-20-08 12:21 PM   #42 
  - While your son MAY have added an insult,  stopbush   Oct-20-08 12:32 PM   # 
  - I am not the OP- niether of my sons has anything to do with this thread.........  Marrah_G   Oct-20-08 12:38 PM   #54 
  - The question was about hving such feelings in relation to one's kids.  El Pinko   Oct-20-08 12:34 PM   #51 
     - I was simply pointing out the timing probably added to his hurting ~right now~  Marrah_G   Oct-20-08 12:38 PM   #55 
        - Maybe. If so, I'm sorry.  El Pinko   Oct-20-08 12:44 PM   #62 
        - Sometimes.  Marrah_G   Oct-20-08 12:47 PM   #65 
        - Really?  JulieRB   Oct-20-08 01:04 PM   # 
           - That really makes absolutely no sense.  El Pinko   Oct-21-08 06:14 AM   #132 
        - I don't think if he was worried about his pain he would have posted this.  Fire_Medic_Dave   Oct-20-08 07:42 PM   #125 
  - probably NEVER  Scout   Oct-20-08 01:24 PM   #86 
  - You may be right and you may be wrong.  El Pinko   Oct-20-08 12:32 PM   #50 
     - "You may be right and you may be wrong."  King Coal   Oct-20-08 01:06 PM   #80 
  - I take your thread as it was intended.  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 12:55 PM   #71 
     - Thanks, and more power to you, no matter what the scale says.  El Pinko   Oct-20-08 01:03 PM   #77 
  - Oh no! I'm so sorry.  PelosiFan   Oct-20-08 11:45 AM   #21 
  - I'm so sorry! :(  my3boyz   Oct-20-08 11:46 AM   #22 
  - The problem is the teasing.  peace13   Oct-20-08 11:47 AM   #23 
  - Geez, and I thought that you were going to say that your son was voting for McCain  Beacool   Oct-20-08 11:51 AM   #24 
  - If my son were of voting age and voted...  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 12:52 PM   #67 
     - Oh, it wouldn't be THAT bad.  Beacool   Oct-20-08 01:15 PM   #83 
  - Sounds like a good time to talk to him  ColoradoMagician   Oct-20-08 11:51 AM   #25 
  - Thanks.  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 12:54 PM   #69 
  - I am so sorry for you. Keep your spirits up. He loves you, but kids' peers are brutal.  LittleApple81   Oct-20-08 11:51 AM   #26 
  - I'm sorry this happened :( May I offer some suggestions?  progressivebydesign   Oct-20-08 11:55 AM   #27 
  - My little ones have said stuff from time to time...  Journalgrrl   Oct-20-08 11:56 AM   #28 
  - I think it's great  Tangerine LaBamba   Oct-20-08 11:57 AM   #29 
  - you said many wise things, IMHO  renate   Oct-20-08 04:23 PM   #111 
  - Kids can be funny that way.  Turbineguy   Oct-20-08 12:07 PM   #32 
  - that's so sad :(  GTRMAN   Oct-20-08 12:10 PM   #34 
  - I really don't have any words of wisdom.  racaulk   Oct-20-08 12:10 PM   #35 
  - I'm sorry. As a person who has struggled with weight from day one,  Vinca   Oct-20-08 12:11 PM   #36 
  - i'm sorry and i know it hurts but your son was honest with you and that's because of you  chimpsrsmarter   Oct-20-08 12:12 PM   #37 
  - Speaking freely, but respectfully,...  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 12:57 PM   #72 
  - That is a tough one. I am a little overweight and unemployed. I find  applegrove   Oct-20-08 12:12 PM   #38 
  - what if you were an alcoholic?  Captain Sensible   Oct-20-08 12:13 PM   #39 
  - You don't think there are alcoholics that have kids who are ashamed of them and feel hurt about it?  JVS   Oct-20-08 12:34 PM   #52 
  - Actually, I AM an Alcoholic.  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 12:59 PM   #73 
  - You bet  wtmusic   Oct-20-08 01:00 PM   #74 
  - How smug and nasty you are.  El Pinko   Oct-20-08 01:00 PM   #75 
  - The irony of that comment paired with that book is amazing  Sabriel   Oct-20-08 12:14 PM   #40 
  - My plan is...  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 12:26 PM   #43 
     - Good Idea  NikolaC   Oct-20-08 02:28 PM   #100 
  - I could stand to lose a few pounds  Horse with no Name   Oct-20-08 12:14 PM   #41 
  - considering i remember a kid saying this about my tiny 110 pound mom it ain't about you  pitohui   Oct-20-08 12:28 PM   #45 
  - Biggest  Dorian Gray   Oct-21-08 07:03 AM   #134 
  - Kids at that age become extremely self focused  rufus dog   Oct-20-08 12:31 PM   #47 
  - Funny that you should say that.  sakura   Oct-20-08 01:18 PM   #84 
     - ain't that the truth.  michele77   Oct-20-08 01:42 PM   #93 
  - Perhaps it's time for him to meet some special needs kids.  kiranon   Oct-20-08 12:32 PM   #48 
  - Tell your son that you made a commitment to do it, and that whether he likes it or not you must...  JVS   Oct-20-08 12:32 PM   #49 
  - Weight is a hard thing  marlakay   Oct-20-08 12:39 PM   #56 
  - Hugs!! I'm so sorry. My son is 8  indie_voter   Oct-20-08 12:41 PM   #57 
  - I'm in the same boat, almost...  sakura   Oct-20-08 12:42 PM   #58 
  - WOW! Thanks, sakura!  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 01:02 PM   #76 
  - Good luck to you.  sakura   Oct-20-08 01:13 PM   #82 
     - I have to second this post  Dorian Gray   Oct-21-08 07:05 AM   #135 
  - Please be aware, though, that one cause of being overweight is insulin resistance, a genetic problem  bean fidhleir   Oct-20-08 01:39 PM   #92 
     - Thanks.  sakura   Oct-20-08 02:18 PM   #98 
        - Anti-depressants have a horrible rep for causing weight gain.  bean fidhleir   Oct-20-08 02:53 PM   #102 
           - I will definitely look into it.  sakura   Oct-20-08 03:45 PM   #107 
  - there is always something that a kid that age will feel conscious about.  mopinko   Oct-20-08 12:42 PM   #59 
  - This is also very true  Dorian Gray   Oct-21-08 07:09 AM   #137 
  - all kids go through that. I did with my parents, I'm sure my kids will too.  IndianaJones   Oct-20-08 12:43 PM   #61 
  - Please don't be angry. He is a child. Go in and read to the class.  jesus_of_suburbia   Oct-20-08 12:46 PM   #64 
  - It could be worse  MartyL   Oct-20-08 12:49 PM   #66 
  - You and your spouse have socialized your son very well. Congratulations!  bean fidhleir   Oct-20-08 12:52 PM   #68 
  - Ok, get over it.  kokono   Oct-20-08 12:55 PM   #70 
  - "Get over it." "Are you his real dad?" "His future trumps yours."  OmelasExpat   Oct-20-08 01:04 PM   #78 
  - No...on so many levels.  wtmusic   Oct-20-08 01:04 PM   #79 
  - He is my adopted son,...  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 01:22 PM   #85 
  - Thanks MarianJack,  kokono   Oct-20-08 02:07 PM   #97 
  - If you think calling people fat is "new insight" then you're a scumbag or one lonely asshole.  readmoreoften   Oct-20-08 07:34 PM   #120 
     - Just to make it clear. I didn't call anyone anything.  kokono   Oct-21-08 01:30 AM   #127 
     - deleted dupe  kokono   Oct-21-08 01:32 AM   #128 
  - I am so sorry  ismnotwasm   Oct-20-08 01:08 PM   #81 
  - Overweight prejudice is a known fact - in the schools and out  RiverStone   Oct-20-08 01:27 PM   #87 
  - He intended no harm,...  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 01:36 PM   #88 
  - I Am So Sorry....  mellowfellowO   Oct-20-08 01:37 PM   #89 
  - Lessons from this.  Satbod Elder   Oct-20-08 01:37 PM   #90 
  - Excellent points!  missb   Oct-20-08 01:51 PM   #96 
  - All are lessons...  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 04:10 PM   #108 
  - Not quite the same, but similar...  Papagoose   Oct-20-08 01:39 PM   #91 
  - There are lots of little hurts with kids... brace yourself.  Liberal_in_LA   Oct-20-08 01:43 PM   #94 
  - The common thread here  Iwillnevergiveup   Oct-20-08 01:44 PM   #95 
  - As a former educator,..  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 04:19 PM   #109 
  - As a parent and teacher, I am sorry for how this...  YvonneCa   Oct-20-08 02:29 PM   #101 
  - I love him all of the time,...  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 04:20 PM   #110 
     - I can ...  YvonneCa   Oct-20-08 08:01 PM   #126 
  - I think it's super that you're reading to the class!  InvisibleTouch   Oct-20-08 03:26 PM   #103 
  - In all honesty,...  MarianJack   Oct-20-08 06:56 PM   #116 
  - Is there a parent who hasn't had an experience like this one?  sfexpat2000   Oct-20-08 03:28 PM   #104 
  - Isn't that the truth. From the time kids begin going to school, they are conscious of what their  8_year_nightmare   Oct-20-08 04:39 PM   #113 
     - My son flinched when I touched his 7th grade arm in a music store.  sfexpat2000   Oct-20-08 04:44 PM   #114 
  - Oh, boy.  DarbyUSMC   Oct-20-08 03:38 PM   #105 
  - Kids are brutally honest, and that's what I love about them. My sons have said  burythehatchet   Oct-20-08 03:39 PM   #106 
  - wow that hurt and I feel for you  grantcart   Oct-20-08 04:26 PM   #112 
  - Brutal honesty of kids...  MALEVOLENT MARINE   Oct-20-08 04:46 PM   #115 
  - My son didn't like me going to school. I did, anyway, in elementary.  MissMarple   Oct-20-08 07:18 PM   #117 
  - So that's what happened!  lonestarnot   Oct-20-08 07:22 PM   #118 
  - Ow. It kinda makes it worse that he doesn't even know how hurtful that is. :(  BlooInBloo   Oct-20-08 07:22 PM   #119 
  - I have a five year old who sometimes points out my flaws  Geek_Girl   Oct-20-08 07:35 PM   #121 
  - kids at aged 8 are self-conscious about their parents showing up at school  carlyhippy   Oct-20-08 07:38 PM   #122 
  - Don't take this the wrong way, but...  Canuckistanian   Oct-20-08 07:41 PM   #123 
  - happens with some of our more "questioning outspoken children."  KoKo01   Oct-20-08 07:42 PM   #124 
  - Kids can be so cruel, he's trying to save himself some torture.  MrSlayer   Oct-21-08 01:40 AM   #129 
  - a word of advice,,,  w8liftinglady   Oct-21-08 02:11 AM   #130 
  - I know it hurts, but it will not always be that way  GA Democrat   Oct-21-08 02:13 AM   #131 
  - Kids were put on the planet to drive us nuts.  cornermouse   Oct-21-08 06:32 AM   #133 
  - just wait until he's in jr high  medeak   Oct-21-08 07:08 AM   #136 
  - Hi, a different perspective is what a wonderful teaching moment  erinlough   Oct-21-08 07:10 AM   #138 
  - You're the parent. He is the child. Time to take on the issue directly.  TexasObserver   Oct-21-08 07:33 AM   #139 
  - Support  Freedomofmind   Oct-21-08 08:17 AM   #141 
  - As you know, kids will find ANYTHING to pick on  Patiod   Oct-21-08 08:25 AM   #142 
  - No, but I have been losing weight by exercising.  noonwitch   Oct-21-08 08:27 AM   #143 
  - Sorry to hear this. But I remember being embarrassed by my parents when I was a bit older  TheGoldenRule   Oct-21-08 08:41 AM   #144 
  - All I can say is that you have done something right in raising your son. You have taught your son  IsItJustMe   Oct-21-08 08:46 AM   #145 

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