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Reply #27: I'm sorry this happened :( May I offer some suggestions? [View All]

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progressivebydesign Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-20-08 11:55 AM
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27. I'm sorry this happened :( May I offer some suggestions?
Other kids can be so cruel, so I don't doubt he was responding to some comments either directly or indirectly from his classmates. As a parent, I think we've all had that sting of being made to feel as though we're an embarrassment at some point.

While I cannot fix what happened today.. perhaps you can do something that will help in the future. I don't know your, or your wife's, physical condition. But.. have you considered talking to your son and saying something like this, "we really thought a lot about what you said. I was hurt by it, but I do understand that in school kids can be cruel to anyone that's different. Your choice wasn't what I wanted to hear, but it made us look at ourselves and realize that regardless of how we look, more important is our health. You know things have been tough, and it's easy to neglect taking care of ourselves, but being healthy doesn't cost anything. We want to be there for you if it means reading at your school or shooting basketballs, or taking a bike ride. So.. can you help us work on our health so that we can enjoy things as a family? I thought that maybe we'll start taking walks after dinner every night.. or maybe we'll toss around a football or play frisbee on the weekends. It's not that important to us how your friends see us, but we care about being there for you, and part of that is being healthy so we can enjoy our time together. So, do you want to start tonight after dinner?"

That is a super-charged teaching-moment for you. If you approached it that way, you'd acknowledge that kids at school were probably being cruel (either directly or indirectly), you move past it and not make him feel the guilt over telling you (so he doesn't learn to believe he has to hide his feelings from you), it bring him IN to the situation and you're asking him to help out with it. Kids LOVE to help out and be part of something.. and perhaps, you may not have noticed, but he may be wishing for more outdoor family time with you.

Hope that helps. Again, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Both of my stepdaughters have had weight troubles, and I still remained shocked by the cruelty of other kids about it.
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