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Missy Vixen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Jul-14-08 01:56 AM
Response to Original message
70. PP, you're doing the right thing
The bride and groom are free to look elsewhere for an officiant. Perhaps they'd like to be married by the justice of the peace.

This may be OT, but I was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding 20 years ago, during which the priest would not serve Communion unless I was seated elsewhere in the church. Despite being baptized a Catholic shortly after birth, "non-Catholics" were not allowed on the platform, even as observers.

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  -First wedding I will decline to officiate. I'm still reeling after the call. Pacifist Patriot  Jul-13-08 04:41 PM   #0 
  - So creepy. You didn't need that gig. n/t  sfexpat2000   Jul-13-08 04:42 PM   #1 
  - This is weird. As more time passes my body is actually starting to have a physical shaky reaction.  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-13-08 04:44 PM   #2 
     - shake off the bad vibes she had hanging around her  ayeshahaqqiqa   Jul-13-08 04:45 PM   #8 
     - I'm so sorry. And you know once you got there, it would only have gotten worse.  sfexpat2000   Jul-13-08 04:46 PM   #9 
     - it's amazing that an educated person would feel in anyway comfortable asking that question  spanone   Jul-13-08 04:59 PM   #24 
  - Good Choice  DarthDem   Jul-13-08 04:44 PM   #3 
  - No, I don't think you are  ayeshahaqqiqa   Jul-13-08 04:44 PM   #4 
  - I was surprised too because most people get my contact information from my website...  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-13-08 04:46 PM   #10 
  - Bravo for you! I hope you don't find my question rude, but  Catch22Dem   Jul-13-08 04:44 PM   #5 
  - Let's just say it was most fitting. *grin*  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-13-08 04:49 PM   #15 
     - You're awesome!  Catch22Dem   Jul-13-08 04:53 PM   #22 
        - Cool! That'd be my second DU union. ;-)  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-13-08 04:55 PM   #23 
  - I think you are right to decline.  cbayer   Jul-13-08 04:45 PM   #6 
  - No, you are not off base!  midnight   Jul-13-08 04:45 PM   #7 
  - Tell her 'Human'  Ikonoklast   Jul-13-08 04:46 PM   #11 
  - That's the one  krispos42   Jul-13-08 04:49 PM   #16 
  - I don't think you are, but I can sorta understand her.  knitter4democracy   Jul-13-08 04:47 PM   #12 
  - I wanted my union with my husband to be sacred...  zanne   Jul-14-08 07:42 AM   #78 
     - We were married by a judge at the courthouse....  Bettie   Jul-14-08 07:59 AM   #82 
     - Both our families were Catholic...  zanne   Jul-14-08 08:05 AM   #83 
     - Are we SILs?  knitter4democracy   Jul-14-08 09:18 AM   #88 
     - Good idea!  knitter4democracy   Jul-14-08 09:18 AM   #87 
        - Easily 1/3 of weddings I officiate have 10 people or fewer. One of the things...  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-15-08 06:08 AM   #94 
           - And, for women who don't enjoy being the center of attention...  zanne   Jul-15-08 08:07 AM   #95 
           - Those sound perfect.  knitter4democracy   Jul-15-08 08:35 AM   #96 
  - the minister in my family got a call...  grasswire   Jul-13-08 04:48 PM   #13 
  - I would tell her that i would officiate, but I would not backdate papers  MiniMe   Jul-13-08 05:49 PM   #40 
  - My contract explicitly states that I cannot legally perform a valid marriage ceremony...  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-13-08 06:26 PM   #46 
     - yep -- this was a next-day call  grasswire   Jul-13-08 07:36 PM   #55 
  - I hope they went forward with their wedding. It's exactly what gay people do all over the country.  yardwork   Jul-13-08 10:52 PM   #62 
     - I've performed a number of symbolic commitment ceremonies for heterosexual couples...  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-14-08 05:48 AM   #75 
  - Wow.  LeftyMom   Jul-13-08 04:48 PM   #14 
  - If you had some racist relatives  morgan2   Jul-13-08 04:50 PM   #17 
  - I do have racist relatives. They didn't come to my wedding.  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-13-08 04:50 PM   #18 
  - I had racist relatives and guess what?  onethatcares   Jul-13-08 05:26 PM   #33 
  - PP a question...  XOKCowboy   Jul-13-08 06:08 PM   #42 
     - Indeed I do. My grandparents were racist and my parents are most decidedly not.  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-13-08 06:21 PM   #45 
        - OOoops!  XOKCowboy   Jul-13-08 06:30 PM   #47 
  - If I had racist relatives, they wouldn't ruin my wedding by being invited. n/t  sfexpat2000   Jul-13-08 04:51 PM   #20 
  - My wife and I had that problem  deadmessengers   Jul-13-08 05:48 PM   #39 
  - my racist relatives  barbtries   Jul-14-08 05:36 AM   #72 
  - Maybe you can negotiate a settlement in their divorce instead  Lastlaughin08   Jul-13-08 04:50 PM   #19 
  - I handled the divorces of several people whose weddings I had  rzemanfl   Jul-13-08 05:19 PM   #32 
  - Excellent choice  Warpy   Jul-13-08 04:51 PM   #21 
  - Yes, you are.  Somawas   Jul-13-08 05:03 PM   #25 
  - So what would you call someone who accomodates racists?  sfexpat2000   Jul-13-08 05:04 PM   #26 
  - That's where I am coming from.  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-13-08 05:08 PM   #29 
  - It wouldn't be good for them, in the first place.  sfexpat2000   Jul-13-08 06:12 PM   #44 
  - Enablers  Oeditpus Rex   Jul-13-08 06:38 PM   #51 
  - Unfortunate.  Donald Ian Rankin   Jul-13-08 06:57 PM   #53 
  - I can't speak for anyone else but I've had to negotiate a situation  sfexpat2000   Jul-14-08 02:20 PM   #92 
  - I'd call that person naive, insecure,immature, etc.  Gormy Cuss   Jul-13-08 08:34 PM   #58 
  - Pragmatic.  Somawas   Jul-14-08 09:31 PM   #93 
  - I disagree. I think that that approach simply enables people.  yardwork   Jul-13-08 10:56 PM   #63 
  - You should have asked if her relatives were good Christian racists.  Vinca   Jul-13-08 05:06 PM   #27 
  - I wouldn't do it either. nt  thecatburgler   Jul-13-08 05:07 PM   #28 
  - And she thinks God is interested in perpetuating her biases???  bobbolink   Jul-13-08 05:09 PM   #30 
  - I was a wedding professional for more than 10 years.  asdjrocky   Jul-13-08 05:12 PM   #31 
  - Good for you.  Chovexani   Jul-13-08 05:34 PM   #36 
  - Wow, just wow.  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-13-08 05:38 PM   #37 
  - Yeah, and here I am, in blue Ca.  asdjrocky   Jul-13-08 05:53 PM   #41 
  - D'oh!  Mopar151   Jul-13-08 11:21 PM   #66 
     - No kidding....  asdjrocky   Jul-14-08 07:42 AM   #79 
  - White pointy hoods don't go well with traditional wedding attire, anyway.  Lastlaughin08   Jul-13-08 05:29 PM   #34 
  - I wouldn't have done it  TechBear_Seattle   Jul-13-08 05:32 PM   #35 
  - OK I can understand a bride not wanting her racist father ruining her wedding....  XOKCowboy   Jul-13-08 05:42 PM   #38 
  - So, you know a racist is funding your wedding and you do what?  sfexpat2000   Jul-13-08 06:10 PM   #43 
  - To each his/her own  mutley_r_us   Jul-13-08 06:39 PM   #52 
  - I most certainly would not make accomodations to those members of my family.  mutley_r_us   Jul-13-08 06:30 PM   #48 
  - Suprised white person #4657435236475....  BlooInBloo   Jul-13-08 06:33 PM   #49 
  - ha!  Number23   Jul-14-08 05:52 AM   #76 
  - It is shocking when you run into such blatant racism.  whereismyparty   Jul-13-08 06:35 PM   #50 
  - Even Jenna Bush  latebloomer   Jul-13-08 07:04 PM   #54 
  - Principles are important.  Edweird   Jul-13-08 08:20 PM   #56 
  - You should have told them about the gay wedding you officiated.  Starbucks Anarchist   Jul-13-08 08:27 PM   #57 
  - That would be probably okay with them....  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-13-08 08:39 PM   #59 
     - But their tattoos were showing!  LeftyMom   Jul-13-08 11:22 PM   #67 
        - LOL! I'd forgotten that.  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-14-08 05:46 AM   #74 
  - Good for you!  cat_girl25   Jul-13-08 09:49 PM   #60 
  - My father was a very strict Baptist minister  rebel with a cause   Jul-13-08 10:46 PM   #61 
  - That's an interesting story! What was shocking about their appearances?  yardwork   Jul-13-08 11:01 PM   #64 
     - This was in the mid sixties and in a small town.  rebel with a cause   Jul-14-08 12:26 AM   #68 
        - I can see why it was upsetting to your family. Would have been to me, too.  yardwork   Jul-14-08 10:52 AM   #91 
  - Actually, something happened like this in my family, but it ended well  OmahaBlueDog   Jul-13-08 11:03 PM   #65 
  - I recalled one wedding  fortyfeetunder   Jul-14-08 01:46 AM   #69 
  - PP, you're doing the right thing  JulieRB   Jul-14-08 01:56 AM   #70 
  - i think you're exactly right  barbtries   Jul-14-08 05:32 AM   #71 
  - Not at all. I'd make my bigoted relatives squirm or uninvite them. n/t  ms liberty   Jul-14-08 05:45 AM   #73 
  - This is the FIRST* wedding you've declined to officiate, but  RedShoes   Jul-14-08 07:37 AM   #77 
  - My gender is more obvious than my race. I'll explain.  Pacifist Patriot   Jul-14-08 07:49 AM   #81 
  - wow....was she related to Jesse Helms?  Blue_Tires   Jul-14-08 07:47 AM   #80 
  - Wow. Good for you!  ThomCat   Jul-14-08 08:15 AM   #84 
  - Holy shit.  BlueIris   Jul-14-08 09:08 AM   #85 
  - brides are nuts.  mopinko   Jul-14-08 09:11 AM   #86 
  - See. Twenty years later, nothing has changed.  The Backlash Cometh   Jul-14-08 09:27 AM   #89 
  - That's a shame!!!  Beacool   Jul-14-08 10:04 AM   #90 
  - No, you are not off base.  Mad_Dem_X   Jul-15-08 08:55 AM   #97 

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