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No Passaran Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-13-07 04:16 PM
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Thank you...
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I cannot tell you how moved I am by all the support that I have received here on DU. I got over 260 responses and more than 100 warm messages in my inbox. Last night something was eating me up and I just took my laptop and started writing, no spell check, no editing (except that minor part about being "gone". I didn't want you to freak out and think I was doing something like that.) I have read them all and this feels like the best medicine ever. Yes, I do know that tonight this might be great but tomorrow might be another struggle but I'm OK with that. I haven't taken my wife out to eat since my midtour leave back in 2005; I don't feel comfortable being in a crowded room always looking behind my back. Try spending 5 hours a day, 365 days out of a year scanning the road with your eyes for any little piece of trash, bottle, old tire, suddenly realizing you missed a spot and you close your eyes thinking if it happens just don't make me know I'm dying. Who would want to die thirsty in Iraq? Back to my evening, well I am taking that first step. I feel like surprising my wife and taking her out to eat tonight. Thank you for that. All of you...

I will leave answering one question: When did I realize that I needed help?

I live in a close military community where on the outside everything is great, swimming pools, barbecues and so on...but we all have our demons that come out at night. Imagine waking up and you feel like you're floating, your head hurts, your neck is so bad you wish there is some Iron Maiden around so you can strap yourself into it. I would hide in the bathtub, water running just sitting there for hours. Sometimes I would get emotional and sometimes I would just be mad at myself for being "weak". One night around midnight, my next door neighbor's wife comes to the door crying. I am immediately out of the bed and over the back lawn to her side door. My neighbor (he was in Iraq twice, different division) is in the bathtub crying, she's running cold water on him and is pleading with me to help him. I just said "God...I don't know what to do". If she only knew that I really had no idea. That I am just like him. It's like a patient treating a patient. I chickened out and ran back saying I will get my wife and she will help. My neighbor and I couldn't look at each other in the eyes until the day he left for his third tour of Iraq. He's still over there, keeping quiet hoping the demons will go away. I think I would have done the same if not for that one night where my wife woke me up and I found myself on top of her treating her like some enemy whose plan to blow me up went wrong and now I had the upper hand, choking her. The next day I went seeking help...the longer I waited the more reluctant I would have been.
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  -Thank you... GA Democrat  Jul-13-07 04:16 PM   #0 
  - I wish that there was something I could say.  yardwork   Jul-13-07 04:21 PM   #1 
  - Your words touch my soul.  rubberducky   Jul-13-07 04:24 PM   #2 
  - Enjoy your meal and your wife, and you can vent here anytime!  babylonsister   Jul-13-07 04:25 PM   #3 
  - Stop judging yourself. You are not weak. Your courage in  elehhhhna   Jul-13-07 04:26 PM   #4 
  - I am with you, Elena; I wish I had such courage.  Doc Martin   Jul-14-07 12:29 PM   #46 
  - GA Democrat, thank you for reaching out.  InternalDialogue   Jul-13-07 04:28 PM   #5 
  - I'm very proud of you.  ceile   Jul-13-07 04:31 PM   #6 
  - My nephew could have been you  malaise   Jul-13-07 04:34 PM   #7 
  - it's shocking to hear this stuff first-hand  shireen   Jul-13-07 04:34 PM   #8 
  - Back at ya - Thank you for sharing with us.  corkhead   Jul-13-07 04:35 PM   #9 
  - Have a great time tonight!  ClayZ   Jul-13-07 04:45 PM   #10 
  - Recognizing there is a problem has got to be a good start  lyonn   Jul-13-07 04:51 PM   #11 
  - what a good feeling  barbtries   Jul-13-07 04:54 PM   #12 
  - Take care of you.  sfexpat2000   Jul-13-07 04:55 PM   #13 
  - This is the reality of war.  Gregorian   Jul-13-07 04:56 PM   #14 
  - I'm honored to be in the same community with you  npincus   Jul-13-07 05:00 PM   #15 
  - I'll second that!!  file83   Jul-14-07 03:06 PM   #56 
  - Enjoy your evening with your wife.  OurVotesCount-Ohio   Jul-13-07 05:01 PM   #16 
  - thank you for your service and your sacrifice  leftofthedial   Jul-13-07 05:04 PM   #17 
  - just get a chair with your back to the wall & have a lovely dinner  AZDemDist6   Jul-13-07 05:05 PM   #18 
  - I salute you, Sir!  whereismyparty   Jul-13-07 05:06 PM   #19 
  - You cannot be thanked enough . . . or apologized to enough.  HughBeaumont   Jul-13-07 05:20 PM   #20 
  - I admire you, and wish I could help in some way. You have already done more than you know  robinlynne   Jul-13-07 05:22 PM   #21 
  - Thank you  Yael   Jul-13-07 05:52 PM   #22 
  - My good fellow, it is we who should be thanking you  SalmonChantedEvening   Jul-13-07 06:00 PM   #23 
  - Very glad that you went after help  eridani   Jul-13-07 08:16 PM   #24 
  - Hi GA Democrat  seasonedblue   Jul-13-07 08:20 PM   #25 
  - You got 260 responses initially and 100 more emails  truedelphi   Jul-13-07 08:39 PM   #26 
  - I am one of the possibly hundreds or more  Terri S   Jul-14-07 02:47 PM   #55 
  - honey, we love you. Just be careful and well and know you are  roguevalley   Jul-13-07 10:43 PM   #27 
  - Admitting you can't solve it alone, asking for help, THAT is courage  havocmom   Jul-13-07 10:53 PM   #28 
  - Thank you and best wishes in a bad situation that a lot of others are in.  uppityperson   Jul-13-07 11:21 PM   #29 
  - You know, you really write beautifully. I mean that.  WildEyedLiberal   Jul-13-07 11:57 PM   #30 
  - Thank you GA Dem for reaching out to all of us here at DU and for sharing  Decruiter   Jul-14-07 12:02 AM   #31 
  - Always know that you are in our family's thoughts and prayers.  Maat   Jul-14-07 12:19 AM   #32 
  - Thanks for checking back in with us, GA Dem. You and your family are in my thoughts.  Hekate   Jul-14-07 12:27 AM   #33 
  - Taking your wife to dinner is a small important step...  RevolutionStartsNow   Jul-14-07 12:40 AM   #34 
  - It's Sunday morning here in Texas and you'll be in my prayers all day.nt  pingzing58   Jul-14-07 01:17 AM   #35 
  - Sunday morning in Texas, what part of Texas do you live in?  Decruiter   Jul-14-07 05:07 AM   #36 
     - That explains what's up that state, huh?  lisby   Jul-14-07 09:35 AM   #40 
  - Love from another DUer, and a small suggestion  lostnfound   Jul-14-07 05:14 AM   #37 
  - That can be summed up in the express don't repress approach to PTSD  hootinholler   Jul-14-07 10:19 AM   #43 
  - I'm glad you knew you'd find support here.  PurpleChez   Jul-14-07 06:16 AM   #38 
  - Keep talking to us.  lisby   Jul-14-07 09:33 AM   #39 
  - you are an important voice for all of us to hear  Evergreen Emerald   Jul-14-07 09:58 AM   #41 
  - For too many years  The Wizard   Jul-14-07 10:08 AM   #42 
  - Every day, start again; every day, keep on.  colorado_ufo   Jul-14-07 11:25 AM   #44 
  - I'm sorry we let you down and happy that you are very healthy  Doc Martin   Jul-14-07 12:27 PM   #45 
  - Keep posting!  pberq   Jul-14-07 12:30 PM   #47 
  - I hope you and your wife had a great dinner.  merh   Jul-14-07 12:42 PM   #48 
  - Keep working it out of your system...  BushDespiser12   Jul-14-07 12:50 PM   #49 
  - There are just not enough words to imagine what you and many like you  ooglymoogly   Jul-14-07 12:56 PM   #50 
  - All I can muster to say is, thank you for your service.  ih8thegop   Jul-14-07 01:25 PM   #51 
  - You are not weak. Using the words of my friend: "It it were easy, anybody could do it".  thereismore   Jul-14-07 01:27 PM   #52 
  - n/t  flblu2   Jul-14-07 01:30 PM   #53 
  - I wish I could clone you.  tblue   Jul-14-07 02:12 PM   #54 
  - More coping tips , if you need.  phildo   Jul-14-07 03:33 PM   #57 
  - hey y'all  GA Democrat   Jul-15-07 03:01 AM   #58 
  - Yeah for you!!  Rosemary2205   Jul-15-07 03:44 AM   #59 
  - Glad to hear you were out having fun, GA Dem...  RevolutionStartsNow   Jul-15-07 08:46 PM   #60 
  - You can't say the club experience helped you out, huh. Listen,...  sicksicksick_N_tired   Jul-15-07 09:08 PM   #61 
  - Thanks for keeping us posted  proud patriot   Jul-15-07 09:10 PM   #62 

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