Reply #164: I don't think so.

[Katherine Brengle]

This is the last time I am going to explain this:

When you have a healthy romantic relationship with another person, you will WANT to have sex with them, at least occasionally, and if you are physically capable of doing so, you will choose to do so because it gives you joy.

If you do not want to have sex, there is absolutely no excuse for someone forcing you to, and this includes the use of violence, coercion, and demands.

If you NEVER want to have sex with your spouse, and you are physically capable of doing so, it is very likely that there is a much larger problem in your marriage and the lack of sexual desire is a symptom, not the problem itself. In this case, it is worthwhile, if one spouse is interested in sexual intimacy and the other is not (consistently, without change or fluctuation), to seek counseling to see if the problem causing the rift can be fixed.

But it comes down to this--no one, NO ONE, NO ONE has the right to expect another person to submit to sexual relations simply because they want sex.

In the past, marriage conferred ownership. It no longer confers ownership.

I have a right to turn my husband down if he wants sex and I do not. He also has this right. Both of us have exercised this right in the past, and I am sure we will again (although probably not soon, lol, as he is returning from an 8 month deployment this Friday ;)).

I respect his autonomy, and he respects mine. We have a wonderful, passionate, connected relationship--but it doesn't always involve sex.

I expect his respect, but I do not expect unfettered access to his body. And I grant him the expectation of my respect, but not the expectation of unfettered access to my body.