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Reply #6: A woman defends the idea: There is a choice to be made, [View All]

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PetraPooh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-02-06 03:22 PM
Response to Original message
6. A woman defends the idea: There is a choice to be made,
Edited on Sun Apr-02-06 03:33 PM by PetraPooh
either hand it over OR accept it when he steps out of the marriage for sex. I was on the receiving end of this as a woman married to a man who would have plenty of sex till the night after our marriage. It seemed very unfair and frustrating when he would then demand that I not step out for sex. I didn't till the last six months of an eleven year marriage, but having had sex only five times in eleven years with three of those time producing pregnancies; sorry, I have to side with the concept that if you want your partner to stay home for sex then you have to give it up at least once a week; like it or not, by all means it would be better to like it. BTW, there were no physical reasons why he could not comply and I was reasonably slender and attractive through out the marriage. Also he never had a "reason" to explain his lack of having sex. I think it was game and religiously based Madonna/whore syndrome, but he still hasn't said.
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  -OK, DU women - am I the only one who gets creeped out by... FormerRepublican  Apr-02-06 03:11 PM   #0 
  - My gods, who would defend THAT?  benburch   Apr-02-06 03:13 PM   #1 
  - Lots of stupid adolescent males do  Warpy   Apr-02-06 03:33 PM   #16 
  - I never thought that when I was a teen.  benburch   Apr-02-06 04:23 PM   #40 
     - Well, the operative word was "lots of," and that's something  Warpy   Apr-02-06 04:55 PM   #66 
  - State legislators in a few states  MountainLaurel   Apr-02-06 07:42 PM   #130 
  - Men...  lumberjack_jeff   Apr-02-06 09:16 PM   #156 
  - Creeped out? Yes. Surprised? No.  Nikki Stone1   Apr-02-06 03:13 PM   #2 
  - Hey! Great pick up line: "Fork it over!" That's a sure-fire winner!  joemurphy   Apr-02-06 03:17 PM   #3 
  - And what you'd win is a big punch in the nose that would knock you flat.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 03:20 PM   #5 
  - I've stayed out of those threads...  Jigarotta   Apr-02-06 03:17 PM   #4 
  - A woman defends the idea: There is a choice to be made,  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 03:22 PM   #6 
  - In that case, I'd pick the 3rd choice - divorce.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 03:36 PM   #17 
  - Exactly my point. If she didn't want to have sex with her husband  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 03:46 PM   #22 
     - Is marriage only about sex, then?  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 03:57 PM   #27 
     - WOW, that's quite a misrepresentation of my views.  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 04:10 PM   #33 
     - Because if the partner who is saying no has psychological issues...  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 04:27 PM   #44 
        - No, but I don't want to have a sexless life just because my spouse  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 04:36 PM   #49 
        - And that's where it comes down to irreconcilable differences.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 04:46 PM   #58 
           - Gee, I'm so confused, I thought you said sex shouldn't be the  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 04:53 PM   #63 
              - I didn't say sex should be the basis of divorce, I said incompatibility...  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 05:09 PM   #78 
                 - Sorry, can't respond to this, you have too many personal  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 05:13 PM   #82 
                    - I didn't say that evolution of sexuality wasn't complicated.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 05:39 PM   #98 
                       - I simply don't see that hard wiring you speak of, it is a religious choice  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 07:09 PM   #119 
                          - Actually, women are as hard wired for infidelity and polyandry as men are.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 07:26 PM   #122 
                             - Polygamy, monogamy, I was not using in terms of gender;  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 07:36 PM   #125 
                                - That's incorrect.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 07:46 PM   #131 
                                   - Wow, I don't need a man to keep my children alive. That was a few  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 07:48 PM   #132 
                                      - So is fight or flight. Do you still get scared in a dark alley at night?  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 07:49 PM   #134 
                                         - Fight or Flight? What are you referring to? Just because  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 07:58 PM   #136 
                                         - Fight or flight is an evolutionary instinct for self preservation.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 08:02 PM   #137 
                                         - I am a woman, one that has EVOLVED.  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 08:10 PM   #139 
                                         - We still have residual evolutionary traits even when we don't need them.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 08:22 PM   #142 
                                         - I have evolved past fight or flight, I settle into anxiety then solution.  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 08:48 PM   #148 
                                         - Your anxiety is CAUSED by fight or flight.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 08:52 PM   #150 
                                         - No, its caused by stress; flight or fight is a response to stress,  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 09:09 PM   #153 
                                         - A biochemical reaction can't be controlled by after the fact thought.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 09:14 PM   #155 
                                         - Then I have evolved past it. I don't feel fight or flight even  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 09:28 PM   #161 
                                         - Freezing is evolutionary behavior and part of the fight or flight response  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 09:31 PM   #163 
        - Based on your opinion, should I assume then,  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 04:41 PM   #53 
           - When does a partner gain control of MY body, and gain the right to say..  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 04:53 PM   #62 
              - Wow, I didn't see anything about their being specific acts being  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 04:57 PM   #68 
              - Infidelity spells doom for a relationship. Very few marriages can...  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 06:04 PM   #108 
                 - I would say this has more to do with social pressure,  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 07:14 PM   #120 
                    - Statistics show that most marriages in which infidelity is a factor do...  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 07:32 PM   #124 
                       - Statistics don't exclude social, familial, and religious pressures.  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 07:38 PM   #127 
                          - OK, and where did religion come from? A vacuum?  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 07:49 PM   #133 
                             - Fear, Hope, and Churches that wanted money in their coffers.  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 08:14 PM   #140 
                                - ???  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 08:25 PM   #143 
                                   - Yes, but your question regarded religion, not evolution.  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 08:49 PM   #149 
                                      - Sigh. The point I was making is that religion itself is a reflection of..  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 08:54 PM   #151 
                                         - No, it isn't. Its a reflection of men trying to control women.  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 09:21 PM   #158 
                                         - You misunderstand what I said. I was not defending religion.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 09:24 PM   #159 
              - I agree with everything you are saying here  IntiRaymi   Apr-02-06 07:28 PM   #123 
                 - I agree with due process. And yes, any accusing party must prove their...  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 07:38 PM   #126 
                    - In this case however, the jury suggests that the deciding factor  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 07:41 PM   #129 
                       - That's ridiculous. A lot of men like porn who have sex all the time.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 07:52 PM   #135 
                          - The point is that porn on puter does NOT = rape in most cases,  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 08:02 PM   #138 
                             - Porn does not equal rape, but the type of porn can.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 08:27 PM   #145 
                             - Not a true link either.  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 09:02 PM   #152 
                             - And you know that was the only evidence? Aren't you making a big...  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 09:11 PM   #154 
     - Sex is *a* part of most healthy marriages.  impeachdubya   Apr-02-06 04:55 PM   #65 
        - I think you and I fundamentally agree.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 05:28 PM   #90 
        - Well, sure. I mean, clearly something's going on.  impeachdubya   Apr-02-06 05:59 PM   #106 
           - I agree. And it's the communication that always seems to break down first  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 06:07 PM   #110 
        - Correct -the more I read these posts  malaise   Apr-02-06 05:35 PM   #96 
        - Sensible post.  Iniquitous Bunny   Apr-02-06 06:47 PM   #118 
     - HAHAHAHAHA  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 04:45 PM   # 
        - I notice that you say, less sex with spouse, not less sex; so are you  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 04:47 PM   #59 
        - I said no such thing --  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 04:49 PM   #61 
           - So then you are saying that when one gets married,  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 05:00 PM   #70 
              - I am saying  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 05:03 PM   #73 
                 - Fair enough, but if enough Bdays and holidays pass without  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 05:09 PM   #77 
                 - That is not a marriage--  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 05:10 PM   #81 
                    - So faithful implies implicitly that sex is being had by both with  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 05:15 PM   #83 
                    - Seeking sex outside of marriage is, imo, wrong. Period.  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 05:23 PM   #88 
                       - EXACTLY! but expecting it within the marriage should be  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 05:33 PM   #94 
                          - I don't think so.  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 09:36 PM   #164 
                    - I agree with you 100%  malaise   Apr-02-06 05:40 PM   #99 
                 - Marriage without a sexual relationship isn't really a marriage....  BlackVelvet04   Apr-02-06 05:51 PM   #104 
                    - Here's where I have an issue with this:  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 06:15 PM   #111 
                    - I'm not condoning rape.  BlackVelvet04   Apr-02-06 08:26 PM   #144 
                       - We agree in that context.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 08:33 PM   #146 
                    - I disagree with this --  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 09:18 PM   #157 
                       - Unless agreed upon ahead of time, a person has  BlackVelvet04   Apr-03-06 08:23 AM   #167 
        - Wow. Not any marriage I've ever been in.  impeachdubya   Apr-02-06 04:57 PM   #69 
           - I guess it depends...  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 05:01 PM   #71 
              - My wife and I were together for a long time before we got married  impeachdubya   Apr-02-06 05:18 PM   #86 
                 - Amen!  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 05:29 PM   #91 
                    - Thanks. :) I think if both people are in for the mutual masturbation  impeachdubya   Apr-02-06 05:45 PM   #101 
                    - Best line of the day (at least for me)  MelissaB   Apr-02-06 05:48 PM   #102 
                       - Makes sense to me...  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 09:25 PM   #160 
  - "hand it over OR accept it when he steps out of the marriage for sex"  BattyDem   Apr-02-06 03:56 PM   #26 
  - What you are talking about vs. the article is talking about differ.  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 04:11 PM   #34 
     - I know that I'm talking about something different than the article ..  BattyDem   Apr-02-06 04:16 PM   #36 
        - No problem, thank you for reconsidering my post.  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 04:18 PM   #37 
  - Bullshit  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 04:43 PM   #54 
     - Expecting compromise and cooperation in all marital matters IS  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 04:45 PM   #56 
     - Expecting sex on demand is not...  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 04:47 PM   #60 
        - At no point do I read that this man, nor I, say that sex on demand  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 05:02 PM   #72 
        - Then he could divorce her if he wanted too --  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 05:07 PM   #76 
           - Ahh, but now you say marriage should be based on sex, or  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 05:10 PM   #80 
              - Infidelity is inexusable, as far as I am concerned.  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 05:26 PM   #89 
                 - You must be religious, I'm guessing, because you seem to  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 05:36 PM   #97 
                    - HA! Religious!!!  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 09:47 PM   #165 
        - I think the general thrust (heh) from what I have read so far is:  The Straight Story   Apr-02-06 06:37 PM   #115 
     - Of course you have a right to expect sex from your  BlackVelvet04   Apr-02-06 05:56 PM   #105 
        - Even if they say "no"?  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 06:20 PM   #112 
           - I'm not talking about forcing anybody, I'm talking about the expectation.  BlackVelvet04   Apr-02-06 08:21 PM   #141 
              - We agree on that.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 08:34 PM   #147 
  - yeah it's sick  WindRavenX   Apr-02-06 03:22 PM   #7 
  - This is what God made iron skillets for. LOL nt  Minnesota Libra   Apr-02-06 03:22 PM   #8 
  - heheh that's a good one  DemonGoddess   Apr-02-06 03:26 PM   #12 
  - EXACTLY!! nt  Minnesota Libra   Apr-02-06 03:27 PM   #15 
  - What do you think hedgeclippers are made for, beside trimming hedges?  StopThePendulum   Apr-02-06 04:35 PM   #48 
  - 'boing'! lol, good one.  Jigarotta   Apr-02-06 03:40 PM   #18 
     - Kegel exercises help for that.  FormerRepublican   Apr-02-06 03:43 PM   #20 
        - thanks!  Jigarotta   Apr-02-06 03:53 PM   #25 
  - Well, you won't believe this, but  napi21   Apr-02-06 03:23 PM   #9 
  - So, Saying No would mean you're NOT "Pro-Life"...  neoblues   Apr-02-06 05:40 PM   #100 
     - That might have been part of it. They never said. I think it was  napi21   Apr-03-06 12:18 AM   #166 
  - Trolls maybe? n/t  Betsy Ross   Apr-02-06 03:23 PM   #10 
  - Yet they want no birth control????  HockeyMom   Apr-02-06 03:23 PM   #11 
  - Hey that's ok according to the Religous Right! Isn't that a republican  sce56   Apr-02-06 03:26 PM   #13 
  - I was certainly creeped out by what he said.  sheelz   Apr-02-06 03:27 PM   #14 
  - I think that I would stab that guy with a fork  oldcoot   Apr-02-06 03:41 PM   #19 
  - It is a complicated subject.  frustrated_lefty   Apr-02-06 03:45 PM   #21 
  - Goodness....look at all the Newbies!  AnnInLa   Apr-02-06 03:48 PM   #23 
  - I've started using those threads to expand my Ignore list.  BlueIris   Apr-02-06 03:52 PM   #24 
  - Me too. I only had to start using it this year, but it's getting longer.  Cleita   Apr-02-06 03:58 PM   #30 
  - I'm getting grossed out by a lot of what I am reading here  Cleita   Apr-02-06 03:57 PM   #28 
  - Same here...  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 05:09 PM   #79 
  - I'm not a woman but I find it creepy too.  MrSlayer   Apr-02-06 03:58 PM   #29 
  - It's funny you should mention Mrs Bobbit,.......................  Minnesota Libra   Apr-02-06 04:03 PM   #31 
  - Except Bobbit did that because she wanted more and better sex,  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 04:21 PM   #38 
     - No I am not - quite the opposite - Mrs Bobbit was forced........  Minnesota Libra   Apr-02-06 04:23 PM   #41 
        - Do more research, she bobbed him because he didn't stack up  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 04:29 PM   #46 
           - If what you are saying is the "official story" then...............  Minnesota Libra   Apr-02-06 04:54 PM   #64 
              - I approve of self defense, even an iron skillet, but  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 05:06 PM   #75 
  - You sound like a great guy ...  BattyDem   Apr-02-06 04:03 PM   #32 
  - On behalf of my gender  DanCa   Apr-02-06 04:13 PM   #35 
  - LOL @ "fork it over"  upi402   Apr-02-06 04:22 PM   #39 
  - I keep one of these around  MuseRider   Apr-02-06 04:23 PM   #42 
  - OOooohhh, I like that. Kind of gives me the shivers. I think it needs  poverlay   Apr-02-06 04:27 PM   #45 
     - I was trying to be kind.  MuseRider   Apr-02-06 04:32 PM   #47 
  - Being married to a beautiful, sexy woman and having a beautiful  poverlay   Apr-02-06 04:25 PM   #43 
  - Rock on, brother!  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 05:22 PM   #87 
  - Men don't like being treated like this either.  Rosemary2205   Apr-02-06 04:36 PM   #50 
  - Yes. Sorry, gals, but it works both ways --  stickdog   Apr-02-06 04:45 PM   #57 
  - It certainly goes both ways--hell yeah!  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 05:31 PM   #92 
  - It's our fault, you know --  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 04:39 PM   #51 
  - Oh, come on. It's only fair. If women can demand spooning, then why  stickdog   Apr-02-06 04:40 PM   #52 
  - ROFL, thanks for lightening my perspective a bit.  PetraPooh   Apr-02-06 04:44 PM   #55 
  - Funny stuff. Where can I find more of that cartoon with the guy on the  poverlay   Apr-02-06 04:56 PM   #67 
  - Get Your War On!  stickdog   Apr-02-06 05:49 PM   #103 
  - I loathe spooning, lol...  Katherine Brengle   Apr-02-06 05:32 PM   #93 
  - I am with ya sister  greenbriar   Apr-02-06 05:04 PM   #74 
  - I think that any man who tries to lord  hyphenate   Apr-02-06 05:16 PM   #84 
  - Yes, it does creep me out.  Iniquitous Bunny   Apr-02-06 05:17 PM   #85 
  - I would never ever think about forcing myself apon my wife  Retired AF Dem   Apr-02-06 05:35 PM   #95 
     - Our sexlife has dropped off a bit, too..  liberalpress   Apr-02-06 06:24 PM   #113 
     - Anyone who forces themselves on another person should be in jail.  Iniquitous Bunny   Apr-02-06 06:36 PM   #114 
  - Well I certainly wouldn't defend a rapist or a man who wants to  walldude   Apr-02-06 06:02 PM   #107 
  - am i the only person who gets creeped out by facile stereo's  sweetheart   Apr-02-06 06:05 PM   #109 
  - All I know is  Justice Is Comin   Apr-02-06 06:44 PM   #116 
  - In total Agreement.. It's Misogyny Running Amok ...  radio4progressives   Apr-02-06 06:45 PM   #117 
  - Just say FORK YOU!!  omega minimo   Apr-02-06 07:15 PM   #121 
  - Regressed? We never left those days.  MountainLaurel   Apr-02-06 07:41 PM   #128 
  - I guess I've been married so long to a really good guy that I don't relate  MyPetRock   Apr-02-06 09:29 PM   #162 

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