Nine Days To A Nervous Breakdown by George W Bush

[kentuck]

Yeah, I've been campaigning my ass off for the last few days. That's what I'm good at, you know. I've gotta do everything I can to keep those nasty Democrats from winning the House or Senate, especially the Senate. My boys will protect me as long as we have a majority.

If the Democrat Party wins, they will go on a witchhunt, trying to dig up old bones and trying to catch me in a lie. My life will be ruined if they start investigating. Digging for the truth and all that bullshit. Even Karl won't be able to stop them. It makes my heart flutter...

I gotta go on the road tomorrow and tell everyone about how we need to stop homosexual marriage. I gotta keep attacking the liberals or they will string me up. I can't slow down. I don't have time to sleep. I need my medication...I think I'm having a nervous breakdown...

Laura! Bring me some more pretzels! I gotta figure out how to stop the Democrats. Bring me one of my nerve pills, will ya? Oh my goodness, what if I lose? I can't panic...I've gotta get it under control. Barney! Get out of here - I gotta think... :)