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"If I were raped today, I would not report it " [View All]

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noamnety Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-27-06 10:04 PM
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"If I were raped today, I would not report it "
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When I was 18 I worked in a pub, and, one evening, the landlord and his son tried to rape me. Somehow I managed to get away. I didn't report the incident to the police because, back in 1980, it was widely recognised that women who reported a sexual assault were usually seen as liars. I imagined that the police would have grilled me on why I was upstairs with two men (I was taking a sneaky break and sharing a cigarette with the son), and why I had been drinking (I had had half a pint of lager). For years afterwards, while campaigning against rape and other crimes as a founder of the group Justice for Women, I bitterly regretted not reporting my attackers. My overwhelming feeling was guilt. What if they succeeded next time?

Now that guilt has been replaced by anger. While in the 1980s and 1990s police and public attitudes towards rape victims seemed to be improving, they more recently appear to be ricocheting backwards. So much so, that a couple of years ago I made a pact with myself, which I vowed never to reveal publicly. At this juncture I feel I must, though: if I was raped now, I do not think I would report it to the police. ...

(found this on /)
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  -"If I were raped today, I would not report it " lwfern  Oct-27-06 10:04 PM   #0 
  - one of the most enduring, painful lies about women is that.....  WindRavenX   Oct-27-06 10:09 PM   #1 
  - But you (or whoever's story this is)  SheilaT   Oct-27-06 10:15 PM   #2 
  - don't think that attempted rape is a crime?  readmoreoften   Oct-27-06 10:17 PM   #4 
  - Attempted rape is not exactly the same as rape.  SheilaT   Oct-28-06 12:20 AM   #29 
     - There is nothing missing from this story. What are you talking about...  readmoreoften   Oct-28-06 12:29 AM   #32 
     - I think everyone here can agree  lwfern   Oct-28-06 12:30 AM   #33 
     - while it isn't a complete rape, it is still a violation  GloriaSmith   Oct-28-06 12:41 AM   #38 
     - Absolutely.  readmoreoften   Oct-28-06 12:57 AM   #43 
        - holy CRAP!  GloriaSmith   Oct-28-06 01:10 AM   #48 
        - I didn't feel anything.  readmoreoften   Oct-28-06 01:15 AM   #50 
           - I've read about the numbness factor...a self defense mechanism, right?  GloriaSmith   Oct-28-06 02:04 AM   #60 
              - Assholes. In the plural. Probably a lot.  readmoreoften   Oct-28-06 02:25 AM   #63 
                 - I hate Kitty Genovese syndrome.  seawolf   Oct-31-06 12:55 PM   #100 
        - I've been in a similar situation and my therapist  Jamastiene   Oct-28-06 04:57 AM   #71 
     - Yeah, so I guess  Bassic   Oct-28-06 09:41 AM   #77 
     - Smokes, beer, some rough foreplay  LostinVA   Oct-29-06 07:19 AM   #85 
        - Every time I read comments like that here  Bassic   Oct-29-06 09:00 AM   #88 
           - I know...  LostinVA   Oct-29-06 10:37 AM   #89 
     - I guess I was going from the original  SheilaT   Oct-28-06 10:51 PM   #80 
        - I know that's a hard thing to admit  lwfern   Oct-28-06 11:11 PM   #81 
     - "Attempted" Means The Woman Escaped  REP   Oct-28-06 04:41 AM   #67 
     - Attempted rape is assault.  Lindacooks   Oct-29-06 01:16 AM   #82 
     - Actually, it can be a lot worse emotionally.  Ms. Toad   Oct-31-06 06:19 PM   #110 
        - Thanks for adding your thoughts here  lwfern   Oct-31-06 07:20 PM   #111 
  - How bad does it have to be?  Warpy   Oct-27-06 10:44 PM   #6 
  - Uhm, it is still sexual assault under the law.  Jamastiene   Oct-28-06 04:53 AM   #69 
  - In very few circumstances would I report a rape to police.  readmoreoften   Oct-27-06 10:16 PM   #3 
  - Yep, I've seen the system, too  lwfern   Oct-27-06 10:25 PM   #5 
  - How many women are missing across America who were last seen  hedgehog   Oct-27-06 10:46 PM   #7 
  - I was sexually assaulted in a hotel after a networking convention.  readmoreoften   Oct-27-06 11:06 PM   #10 
     - I'll bet 3/5 of female DUers have been assaulted  alittlelark   Oct-27-06 11:24 PM   #16 
        - My partner is the only women I've ever met who hasn't been raped/molested  readmoreoften   Oct-27-06 11:44 PM   # 
        - She may have been assaulted as well....  alittlelark   Oct-28-06 12:01 AM   #23 
           - Well, my girlfriend isn't lying to me. We've been together for almost 4 years.  readmoreoften   Oct-28-06 12:05 AM   #25 
              - I was just stating a statistically likely hypothesis.  alittlelark   Oct-28-06 12:14 AM   #28 
        - I was never raped or molested  malaise   Oct-28-06 04:44 AM   #68 
           - neither were any of my siblings, cousins or close friends.  LostinVA   Oct-29-06 07:21 AM   #86 
  - Well I was raped a long time ago....  demgurl   Oct-27-06 10:53 PM   #8 
  - I'm sorry that happened to you.  lwfern   Oct-27-06 11:08 PM   #11 
     - Thank you for your kind words.  demgurl   Oct-29-06 08:58 AM   #87 
        - I had a uncle with arm around me incident too and when I told my  donsu   Oct-29-06 11:13 AM   #90 
           - I'm glad your mother believed you and was supportive  lwfern   Oct-29-06 03:05 PM   #92 
           - Wow!!!!!!  demgurl   Oct-30-06 07:58 PM   #96 
  - in my mind...rape...  stillcool47   Oct-27-06 11:03 PM   #9 
  - I won't go to the police, but I'll tell you what... I'll give a running list  readmoreoften   Oct-27-06 11:11 PM   #12 
  - That's Not a Guarantee  REP   Oct-27-06 11:50 PM   #20 
  - I'm sorry for your struggle.  readmoreoften   Oct-28-06 12:31 AM   #34 
     - Not a Struggle, Exactly  REP   Oct-28-06 04:35 AM   #66 
  - Interestingly...  susanna   Oct-29-06 01:44 AM   #83 
  - This is normal  AlienGirl   Oct-27-06 11:16 PM   #14 
     - ah...the power of words  stillcool47   Oct-27-06 11:39 PM   #17 
        - You're welcome, I have read a lot about the effects of trauma  AlienGirl   Oct-27-06 11:46 PM   #19 
           - the hardest part for me..  stillcool47   Oct-28-06 12:09 AM   #27 
              - Understanding the abusers as something other than monsters is really, really hard  AlienGirl   Oct-28-06 12:22 AM   #31 
                 - Sometimes it's good to keep them monsters.  readmoreoften   Oct-28-06 12:37 AM   #36 
  - Reporting it to the police will give you a much better result down the road.  alittlelark   Oct-27-06 11:14 PM   #13 
  - It's not so much "scared"  lwfern   Oct-27-06 11:17 PM   #15 
     - The victim will do much better down the road if she/he reports  alittlelark   Oct-27-06 11:58 PM   #22 
        - The people I know that tried using the system  lwfern   Oct-28-06 12:03 AM   #24 
           - It is degrading and horrifying.  alittlelark   Oct-28-06 12:20 AM   #30 
              - I guess it's perspective - I'd be helping them get evidence and  donsu   Oct-29-06 11:18 AM   #91 
                 - Then you haven't been there.  alittlelark   Oct-29-06 09:44 PM   #94 
                    - no I haven't been there but I do know I would be in a rage to get the  donsu   Oct-30-06 10:58 AM   #95 
                       - You seem to be missing the point.  alittlelark   Oct-31-06 12:32 AM   #98 
                          - I've never thought a ob-gyn exam was bad - what's bad about it?  donsu   Oct-31-06 12:40 PM   #99 
                             - Uh, no profile.... are you a female?  alittlelark   Nov-01-06 01:05 AM   #112 
                                - yes I'm a woman and I've produced 2 babies and nurtured them to  donsu   Nov-01-06 12:04 PM   #113 
  - The "blame the victim" mentality is very much alive even today  BuffyTheFundieSlayer   Oct-27-06 11:44 PM   #18 
  - I probably couldn't sit on a rape jury  krispos42   Oct-27-06 11:58 PM   #21 
  - You are one of the 20% or so of men who 'get it'.  alittlelark   Oct-28-06 12:09 AM   #26 
  - Not to be picky, but that's runs a little counter to this thread.  readmoreoften   Oct-28-06 12:35 AM   #35 
  - I'll stick w/ personality disorders.  alittlelark   Oct-28-06 12:47 AM   #39 
     - What do you mean, get ahold of the situation?  readmoreoften   Oct-28-06 12:55 AM   #42 
     - I took that to mean if you are in a relationship  lwfern   Oct-28-06 01:09 AM   #47 
     - 'rape-proof' not possible.  alittlelark   Oct-28-06 01:34 AM   #53 
        - I have been in numerous situations where I was assaulted.  readmoreoften   Oct-28-06 02:30 AM   #64 
     - What Shit!!  bobbolink   Oct-30-06 08:05 PM   #97 
  - Damn, it's only 20%?  krispos42   Oct-28-06 12:40 AM   #37 
  - 'Perpetual victims' need to enroll in Aikido.  alittlelark   Oct-28-06 12:51 AM   #40 
  - Honest questions:  CarbonDate   Oct-28-06 12:53 AM   #41 
     - My guess would be  lwfern   Oct-28-06 12:58 AM   #44 
     - I don't typically run with misogynists.  CarbonDate   Oct-28-06 01:38 AM   #54 
        - If you're in the military  lwfern   Oct-28-06 01:46 AM   #56 
     - I described it as a 'male issue'  alittlelark   Oct-28-06 01:02 AM   #45 
        - I don't see it as a left/right issue  lwfern   Oct-28-06 01:05 AM   #46 
        - I don't see it as one either.  alittlelark   Oct-28-06 01:15 AM   #49 
        - Did you notice that I didn't dispute it?  CarbonDate   Oct-28-06 01:18 AM   #51 
           - one of the first things to learn  lwfern   Oct-28-06 01:32 AM   #52 
           - Thank you for your understanding.  CarbonDate   Oct-28-06 01:44 AM   #55 
           - Do you laugh at jokes w/ females as the crux?  alittlelark   Oct-28-06 01:53 AM   #57 
           - I'm trying to answer your first question....  CarbonDate   Oct-28-06 02:21 AM   #61 
           - I just noticed that you have no profile...  alittlelark   Oct-28-06 01:54 AM   #59 
              - No, I don't.  CarbonDate   Oct-28-06 02:22 AM   #62 
  - Rape is on par with attempt murder  Pavulon   Oct-28-06 09:39 AM   #76 
  - It is a violent assault. Deadly self-defense force is legal  krispos42   Oct-28-06 11:51 AM   #78 
  - I was on a rape jury. What an education  stanwyck   Oct-31-06 03:58 PM   #107 
     - That's incredibly disturbing.  lwfern   Oct-31-06 04:43 PM   #108 
     - In two words: Self protection  Ms. Toad   Oct-31-06 06:15 PM   #109 
  - I applaud her for speaking up  The Brethren   Oct-28-06 01:53 AM   #58 
  - Ghosts of the Duke case?  kgfnally   Oct-28-06 02:31 AM   #65 
  - I don't think we'll ever actually know what happened ...  etherealtruth   Oct-28-06 06:00 AM   #73 
  - I suspect the case is heading for dismissal...  NorthernSpy   Oct-31-06 02:18 PM   #105 
  - I can understand the sentinment  Red Right and BLUE   Oct-28-06 04:54 AM   #70 
  - If I think I'm going to be raped by the system, there's no way I'm reporting.  readmoreoften   Oct-28-06 05:15 AM   #72 
     - I don't like cops any more than other people who are wary of them  Red Right and BLUE   Oct-28-06 07:11 AM   #74 
     - The stranger rape that I know of  lwfern   Oct-28-06 09:34 AM   #75 
  - I would never report it  lukasahero   Oct-28-06 02:31 PM   #79 
  - Threads like this make me feel terrible.  Evoman   Oct-29-06 03:29 AM   #84 
  - I wouldn't report either, cuz I'd be dead.  bobbolink   Oct-29-06 03:08 PM   #93 
  - Sorry, but that's a stupid choice.  seawolf   Oct-31-06 01:07 PM   #101 
     - While I'm not arguing  bloom   Oct-31-06 01:44 PM   #103 
        - Leverage is not an issue here.  seawolf   Oct-31-06 03:27 PM   #106 
  - I was almost date-raped in 1969 (fortunately, I got away from him),  Daphne08   Oct-31-06 01:16 PM   #102 
  - Just what the hell does she WANT? Automatic conviction of the accused?  NorthernSpy   Oct-31-06 02:00 PM   #104 

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