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Home » Discuss » Archives » General Discussion (01/01/06 through 01/22/2007) Donate to DU
jrw14125 Donating Member (378 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu May-04-06 12:41 PM
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Have fun with this whackjob email I got today!
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WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?


My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty - starting now.


We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."


Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

(Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens! Let's get this to every USA computer!)
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  -Have fun with this whackjob email I got today! jrw14125  May-04-06 12:41 PM   #0 
  - .  Richardo   May-04-06 12:42 PM   #1 
  - This whining moronic drivel has been around for awhile  simskl   May-04-06 12:45 PM   #2 
  - If it comes to my computer I'll delete it  magellan   May-04-06 12:46 PM   #3 
  - we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska -  FLDem5   May-04-06 12:47 PM   #4 
  - For a minute I thought it was a Bush speech until I got to the....  Missy M   May-04-06 12:54 PM   #5 
  - good Lord, get that person some therapy asap n/t  Skip Intro   May-04-06 12:58 PM   #6 
  - And meanwhile, back in reality... n/t  Mythsaje   May-04-06 01:03 PM   #7 
  - You know it's a fantasy  TexasLawyer   May-04-06 01:03 PM   #8 
  - Since my country, Canada's on list 2, I'd like to set the record straight  glarius   May-04-06 01:12 PM   #9 
  - Well put  EstimatedProphet   May-04-06 01:39 PM   #14 
  - I think I got this forwarded to me about a year ago.  borlis   May-04-06 01:22 PM   #10 
  - Soldiers talk me English? wow.  uppityperson   May-04-06 01:25 PM   #11 
  - You know, the USPS made chain mails illegal long ago  Norquist Nemesis   May-04-06 01:27 PM   #12 
  - Only a true shitheel would write this  EstimatedProphet   May-04-06 01:38 PM   #13 
  - I believe there are more who think like you than like the subject of this  glarius   May-04-06 01:44 PM   #16 
  - I hope so  EstimatedProphet   May-04-06 01:45 PM   #17 
  - I wish I could put my thoughts to keyboard  Rude Horner   May-04-06 01:46 PM   #18 
     - Only reason I can do it sometimes is practice  EstimatedProphet   May-04-06 01:48 PM   #20 
        - Thank you.  Rude Horner   May-04-06 01:53 PM   #21 
  - You have to laugh at the simplicity of their world  Rude Horner   May-04-06 01:42 PM   #15 
  - I couldn't get past "congress does not want to spend any more money on  impeachdubya   May-04-06 01:47 PM   #19 
  - I get that bullshit  VancSouthpaw   May-04-06 01:57 PM   #22 
  - Yesterday, it was one of those emails smearing Cindy Sheehan...  jrw14125   May-04-06 02:53 PM   #23 
  - seen it before  Blue_Tires   May-04-06 03:07 PM   #24 
  - the person that wrote this probably drives a pickup...  jrw14125   May-04-06 03:37 PM   #25 
     - Well, I drive a pickup  EstimatedProphet   May-05-06 12:27 AM   #26 
  - omg...how do we get on list two?  QuestionAll   May-05-06 01:28 AM   #27 
  - and what the hell has soccer got to do with any of it...?  QuestionAll   May-05-06 01:30 AM   #28 
  - I agree with the first four lines, and the unpaid parking tickets.  genieroze   May-05-06 01:38 AM   #29 
  - "The money saved during the first year alone... "  QuestionAll   May-05-06 07:33 AM   #30 
 

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