Reply #14: Maybe that's the thing that's so infuriating

[Heddi]

Honestly---the women who come to this forum, and we know who we are, are seen as a collective pain in the ass to a large number of DU'ers.

We're seen as the party-poopers, the duds, the women who just CANT TAKE A FUCKING JOKE ALREADY.

We're seen as harpies, as nags, as uptight, bitches, need to get laid, on the rag, hate men, must not have orgasms, dry vagina...you know what I mean.

And the thing that's SO infuriating to me is that, for the most part, if a 'call out' on a sexist thread is going to be made, it's going to be made by ONE OF US. Not the lounge lizards, not the good old boys, not the ones who know better. US.

It has become US v. THEM.

A few months ago, I was a frequent visitor to the Fat Acceptance forum. That was when THe Princess and CO Liberal were active members on DU. THat was also when the hoopla over Fat Actress was making its way across the board, and very hateful comments were made about people (generally women) who were overweight, or at least not the standard of beauty thrust upon us by the Media.

I never saw Fat Actress--I don't have Showtime and couldn't defend or denegrate the show--I've heard wonderful things about it from full-figured people, and I've heard that it really is nothing more than a fat-version of blackface from others. I can't judge because I haven't seen it.

But there were people who didn't like the show--namely, the Princess and CO liberal. They made their views well known on the subject, and maybe not in the most....polite way. But then again, I don't take too kindly to bigotry and hatred and don't always let MY views known in the nicest way either.

At any rate, there became (and still is, to a degree) a running joke about The Princess and CO Liberal in the lounge. They were degraded for their weight, made fun of for their opinions, and just humiliated as people. I know that since they were banned, there is some evidence (I hear) that they weren't reallly libs to begin with, blah blah blah.

It doesn't matter to me what their political affiliation was. They weren't made fun of because they weren't libs. They were made fun of because they were FAT and because they stood up for FAT issues and took issue when people made FAT jokes and other nasties with regards to people's body sizes.

I didn't always agree with their methods, and honestly can't say I cry over their banishment. HOWEVER--I agree with what they stood up for and I'm happy that the furor THEY raised over the FAT issue caused, in part, DU to get a rule that makes it not okay to make fat jokes, etc.

And, like the sexist posts, the ONLY people who had a problem with the daily, even HOURLY denegration of anyone who weighed over 120# were the "Fatties". I was among them, just like I'm among the "harpies" of the Feminist Forum. NO ONE ELSE stood up for them (CO & Princess).

NONE of the Lounge Regulars could get it through their quite thick skulls that perhaps, PERHAPS making fun of someone who is obese isn't the nicest thing to do in the world.

And, like the thread you're referencing above, they enjoyed posing rude and inflammatory things JUST TO GET THE DANDER of the 'fat police'.

That is bully mentality, and it is NO different than that awful episode I experienced in my yard the other day.

I guarantee you---GAR-ON-FUCKING-TEE you that if any of these Keyboard Kommandos were stripped of the protective nature of internet anonymity, if they were FACE TO FACE with any of us "harpies", they would NEVER have the fucking gonads to say what they say in the Lounge.

THey'd NEVER have the gonads to denegrate another human being TO THEIR FACE regarding their weight or looks if they couldn't hide in Mommy's basement and surf DU and Fark.com all day long.

But they do it because they're allowed to. They have a WIDE support network of Neandertals that egg them on and give them a free pass to be as rude, crude, and socially unacceptable as possible. It's like you get some kind of stripes for being the biggest Asshole on earth--ON PURPOSE, even.

You see it in all sectors of society, and I guess it really should be no surprise that it's on DU. There are always people who are 'followers' and do things SPECIFICALLY to impress others. We see it in middle and high-school, where young girls become essentially lemmings who don't have an original thought in their head. They become engrossed in fasion styles that allow them to 'fit in'. They do things SOLELY for the notion that if they do X, they'll be 'popular'.

We see it with boys as well, doing the same things as everyone else because groupthink is so much easier than forming an individual identity.

And of course, these kids that strive to be at the top of the pecking order (and those that are at the top, and encourage the groupthink mentality) are the biggest bullies on the planet. YOU'RE NOT LIKE ME. THEREFORE YOU ARE LESSER. YOU ARE NOTHING. They find that by highlighting the weaknesses in others, their own weaknesses are diminished or hidden completely. Make someone else feel small to make yourself feel big.

I've seen it as an adult, in the workplace, where everyone feels they have to BE a certain way to 'fit in' and that individuality is, for the most part, shunned in favour of "the Team Player Mentality".

We crush individuality as a concept, and encourage our children to be children that follow, which turns them into adults that follow, which turns them into adults that never grew past the 'bully' stage of youth because they know no other way to get attention. It worked when they were 16, by god, and it'll work when they're 36 too!

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That is the core of the bullshit in the lounge, and with the boys on my street, and the shitheads at the mall, and the cat-calling construction workers. They don't do it alone. They MUST do it in groups because otherwise, they would have NO positive reinforcement for their behaviour. And the only reason they do it is to get the reinforcement, to get the acceptance, to show that THEY'RE cool enough to harass an old lady sitting at a busstop, to show that THEY'RE IN, TOO because they can make pointless sexist threads in the Lounge.


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Du'ers always point out that Republicans are afraid of Liberals because we're 'free thinkers' and don't just DO because someone tells us to. Well, I don't know how true that is. Look at the Copycat threads in the lounge--why is that done? Out of personal humour? NO! It's done because it's known that doing so garners you some sort of attention. It's a badge of honour to push the envelope just one more mm to get that thread locked. It's a testament to personal identity to start a flamewar.

Yeah. That's individual thinking. That's about as much individual thought as Pavlovian dogs drooling at the sound of a fucking bell.