Reply #64: Hello to everyone. Life just stinks sometimes.

[democratreformed]

It's been months since I've been to DU and this group was calling to me.

My first "real" experience with grief was in October of 1999 when my mother died suddenly at the young age of 52. We were told it was either a heart-attack or blood clot.

Last May 15, my 40-year-old brother-in-law was found dead one morning. The autopsy revealed massive heart disease.

Three weeks later, my 35-year-old brother-in-law drowned in a pond. He had ridden his horse out into the pond to rescue a calf and was somehow knocked from the horse.

Right now, I am really struggling with the aftermath of the latter's death. Bobby had five children - ranging in age from six to eleven. Their mother is developmentally disabled. Even so, right after his death, I believed that, with help, she could see to those children. In the past few months, I have had to face the fact that she either cannot or will not.

The oldest boy has been living with my father and mother-in-law for the past eight months. The oldest girl has been living with my daughter. The three youngest are still with their mother. It is a sad mess. The children don't get fed properly. The house is just nasty (no other word for it). All of them have had head lice continuously for the past couple of months.

About a month ago, the mother decided she wanted the oldest girl back. My daughter filed a three-day protective custody petition but the judge wanted to wait until the next day to consider it. That afternoon, Effie had to go home. She came back to my daughter that weekend and has been there since. My daughter had the lawyer to hold the three-day petition and has now had him change to a petition for permanent guardianship. She hasn't given him the go-ahead to start the process yet.

It is so hard to know what to do. After we are finished with Effie, we will have to go the same route with the oldest boy. Then, we will have to work on the youngest three. That's if social services doesn't take them first. The mother has had them called on her numerous times.

This is just something I'm struggling with and needed to share. Thanks for listening.