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kiraboo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jun-25-06 07:25 PM
Original message
Separating but not yet separated.
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I can't understand why I must leave him. At first it was clear because I thought there was somewhere I had to go. But months have passed and I have had to accept the painful reality that I am moving on alone. At times the terror I feel - at night in my own bed, or while opening the door to the house that will soon be not ours, while kissing my smallest son on his forehead after tucking him snugly into bed - it takes me aback with its sheer strength. The activities which once gave me pleasure have been abandoned because I haven't the will nor the energy to be happy. I am using all my resources just holding on to the idea that tomorrow it will be a little easier and next week yet easier, but still my doubts are nearly overpowering. And I'm so lonely. Surrounded by my children and the husband I have rejected, I have never felt as isolated as I do now.

Sometimes it seems I should stay just to avoid all of this pain.
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  -Separating but not yet separated. kiraboo  Jun-25-06 07:25 PM   #0 
  - Hang in there, you'll make it.  porphyrian   Jun-26-06 01:11 PM   #1 
  - Why do you have to leave him  mrgorth   Jun-26-06 02:18 PM   #2 
  - No, I am not sure.  kiraboo   Jul-16-06 11:34 PM   #3 
     - The grass is always greener  mrgorth   Jul-17-06 06:10 AM   #4 
        - No, your frankness is fine.  kiraboo   Jul-17-06 08:00 AM   #5 
           - run!  knowbody0   Jul-17-06 10:00 AM   #6 
           - I am. It's just really scary.  kiraboo   Jul-17-06 10:43 AM   #7 
              - it will not get less scary, kiraboo  knowbody0   Jul-17-06 10:54 AM   #8 
           - Well you didn't mention that  mrgorth   Jul-18-06 09:22 AM   #9 
              - I know. And your response was a reasonable one, if a bit harsh!  kiraboo   Jul-18-06 01:58 PM   #10 
                 - You have to understand  mrgorth   Jul-20-06 09:39 AM   #11 
                    - I read that earlier,  crim son   Aug-06-06 03:13 PM   #12 
  - I Can Relate To That Feeling  Southpawkicker   Nov-12-06 07:52 PM   #13 
     - You should really  mrgorth   Nov-17-06 06:56 AM   #14 
        - Well I Am Trying Counseling First  Southpawkicker   Nov-19-06 05:39 PM   #15 
           - Is there anything specific that she's done?  mrgorth   Nov-20-06 01:43 PM   #16 
              - There Are A Lot Of Things She Has Done  Southpawkicker   Nov-20-06 07:34 PM   #17 
                 - Best of luck man  mrgorth   Nov-25-06 07:11 PM   #18 
                    - Thanks  Southpawkicker   Nov-29-06 11:00 PM   #19 
                       - It wouldn't, even if you were the adulterer and loved somebody else.  crim son   Nov-30-06 11:56 AM   #20 
                          - Yes, You Are Right  Southpawkicker   Nov-30-06 08:05 PM   #21 
 

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