I'm in shock - was diagnosted as bipolar II today...

[liberalmuse]

Boy, that kind of came out of the blue. I'd always suspected I was crazy, but thought it was because I was so angry with the 2000 election, and then more recently, I attributed it to hormones.

I went to the doctor yesterday due to upper back pain and feeling like I was going to pass out for the past couple of days. The doctor felt my back and said my muscles were all tensed up on my right side. Then it came up that I hadn't been sleeping lately, mostly due to peri menopausal symptoms (night sweats, heart pounding, anxiety about work, etc.). Then the doctor asked about my family history (lots of crazy, suicides) and I mentioned that I'd been having mood swings starting about the same time as the menopausal symptoms - about a month ago. I'd always gotten sort of manic every few weeks where I have tons of energy and more creativity than usual but had attributed that to the full moon or something. I'd also been depressed since I moved up here to Washington because there is NO. Fucking. Sun. most of the time. And I have a very high stress job that I absolutely loathe, but I am 47 and not exactly ripe for the job market - and lucky to have a job in this economy.

Next thing I know, my doctor is prescribing Clonezapam to help me sleep, then I get set up for an appointment today where I was officially diagnosed as bipolar II with mood swings, and was prescribed Lithium. WTF??? I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone other than the people on this anonymous forum. I'm afraid to take the Lithium. I don't want to be a zombie, but I also know I've been a mess lately. I'd always suspected and joked about being nuts, but I guess this proves it. Is anyone here taking Lithium? I'm a bit scared.