Reply #26: Thank you, it felt good getting your vibes

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he has not been diagnosed as clinically depressed. Depression runs in his family. His brother is currently in an inpatient situation with bipolar plus. His mother has chronic depression and I think his grandmother had it as well.

He refuses to go to the Dr. about it. He has no suicidal ideation-- nothing like that but I can see he derives little joy from life. Instead, he seeks to use herbal remedy on his own but still would not discuss it with the nutritional counselor at the health food store. In fact, I talked to her and he got so embarrassed he left and sat in the car. I told him the counselor had no idea who he was, there was no need to hide.

His mother is a psych nurse and very overbearing so he does not want to talk with her (she would drive him nuts with her questions). As it is, the only time she calls him is when she is in the car on her biweekly visit to my bil with her annoying husband commenting on the conversation in the background.

He will not go to a professional period. So there is little I can do in the face of it. When he travels for work and is gone for a period of time, I am myself, feeling very light but after some time home I feel the cords and they weigh me down. When he throws negativity at me sometimes I have the energy to block and deflect it but other times I am tired and it feels so blah and faintly suffocating I have to remember to take big deep tummy breaths. The best I can describe it is like torpor, walking through knee deep water.