Reply #20: A few thoughts.

[phylny]

This first part is not meant to be nasty or critical, so I apologize in advance if I sound that way. I recalled your thread on swearing, with you mentioning that you and your husband did use swear words. If you and your husband, or others around your son, use profanity, he'll use it. You won't be able to explain to your child that you can use those words, but he can't. If they're part of his vocabulary now, then you have to clean up your vocab before he cleans up his.

The cupcake - I concur with others on this thread that no three-year-old kid is going to be able to make a deal to get what he wants RIGHT NOW (cupcake) and then stick to it. I mean, he got what he wanted, so why should he pee in the school potty?

Are you using pull-ups on him? Is he holding his pee the entire day? This is what I would do. First, have the school agree to give you a period of time to work on this. Send him to school in underwear and shorts/pants. No pull-ups. If he pees his pants, then he gets to help take the wet clothes off, clean up, and put clean clothes on. If it becomes inconvenient for him, and he misses out on play time, he may try the toilet in school. The other thing would be to set up an incentive for him. "See that new train on top of the fridge? You may have it when you pee in the toilet at school." End of discussion. He does not get to have it unless he pees in the toilet. If he bugs the heck out of you that he wants it, tell him once, "If you keep whining about the train, you will not get it at all." And stick to your guns.

Regarding tantrums and aggression, these things happen and the preschool staff should be able to work WITH you to come up with behavior plans and solutions. If you see an continuing pattern with this part of his behavior, remember that you can always contact your local school district and discuss how this behavior is negatively impacting your son's schooling and development. I am not at all suggesting that there is something "wrong" with your son, it's just a resource for you to use if you need it.

Finally, don't be afraid to seek out counseling. We did for one of our children (WE went to counseling, not the child) to learn how to deal with a very hot temper of a very small 3 year old. It was helpful and beneficial.