God, how do you deal with it? (long rant)

[friesianrider]

I am so sad and frustrated I could scream and cry (and, on my drive home tonight, I did in fact scream and cry).

For some background, I am sorry it is so long: One of my outdoor ferals has been a "regular" for about a year now, since I was able to nab him and got him neutered and his vaccines. It took me close to three months to slowly gain his trust enough to feed him in a dog crate (I ended up just shutting the door on him while he was eating - he was too smart for the humane traps!). Shadow was - I mean, Shadow IS - my sweet boy. When I found him hobbling in my front yard last winter, he had a broken leg and was severely emaciated. He was terrified, but after many nights attempting to get him a plate of food in 3 feet of snow, he began to trust me. After his neutering, he turned into the sweetest, kindest kitty anyone could want. I feed three other feral Toms regularly, and Shadow got along so well with all of them and even did the "head bump" with them. We got his leg fixed, of course, and boy did Shadow know we helped him. He was my sweet, special boy, even though he had moments of "feral" behavior. Shadow did not show up for several days to eat recently, which was hihgly unusual behavior for him, who usually hung out by my pool. I was frantic, and started putting up flyers, calling all the shelters within a 3 county radius, and talking with my neighbors. There is a large farm down my road where I thought I may have spotted my Shadow, and I went to speak with them tonight...

As I pulled up, I immediately noticed many kittens and grown cats around her property, all with weepy eyes and of decent weight but somewhat on the thin side. I started talking to her, and quickly realized this woman "sometimes" throws some food down for all these cats, but refuses to spay and neuter them. She even very casually said with a laugh, "when we get a "surplus", we just take them and drop them off in bundles at farms in the area, haha!" - I guess I was supposed to find that funny. I would have loved to have a picture of my face at that moment - my mouth must have been hanging to the ground. I tried to politely give her the "you really should spay and neuter" speech (health benefits, animals killed in shelters, etc), and she just said "yeah, I guess." She then goes on to tell me how she and some other lady down the street had two grey cats that "looked" Siamese (these are ferals of course) and they actually locked them in her barn to try and get them to breed! All I could think of was, yes, this is the same woman who 2 minutes ago was complaining about the cats overbreeding and needing to dump them on other people's property...and she actually tried to PURPOSELY breed two cats who "looked" pretty. And wtf were you hoping to accomplish you dumbass? What...did you think you were going to sell the kittens and make lots of money?!

I felt myself losing it, and had to quickly hand her Shadow's flyer and excuse myself. My sweet boy may be on her property because there is food there, so I sort of need her help. Otherwise, I probably would have lost it and told her what a cruel, ignorant woman she was and how she was contributing in mass numbers to the overpopulation of cats - and the deaths of so many healthy cats in shelters.

I am angry and upset that my baby is missing, and kicking myself for not bringing the whole lot of my outdoor ferals inside (or at least for not microchipping them, damn!). I am even more angry and upset that there are people this friggin' ignorant in this world who are contributing to all the animals put to sleep every minute in this country just because there aren't enough homes for them all. She just didn't seem to get it.

I am seriously so frustrated and sad I don't know what to do. How do I handle this woman? I have a $700 vet bill from cats I have taken to be spayed or neutered from others farms in my area and am paying the costs for them completely on my own (none of the owners would help pay even $1 per cat as I suggested - I even trapped them all myself and drove each one of them to the clinic). I also just signed over my $500 college graduation gift check from my parents to the local (and very financially strapped) no-kill shelter, who is in desperate need of funds to put radiant heat in the floor of their main doggie house before winter comes. I am just completely out of funds anymore to do it myself since this will be a monumental job. I'd estimate she has between 20-30 cats and kittens too. I've contacted every low cost spay neuter group in my area and they all tell me the cost will be at least $20 per cat (this woman has refused to pay a penny). What is worse, before I left I told her that I would be happy to help her humanely trap her cats and get them neutered and her response was "oh, I don't know about that, I'll have to ask my husband and the kids, they like having the kittens around all the time." Sure, and that's why you dump them on someone else's property, right? :eyes:

I just don't know what to do. I can't tell this woman off like I want to, because I need her help if she sees my Shadow. And she doesn't even seem receptive to even "allowing" ME to pay for the surgeries of all these cats. I feel like I am constantly fighting - with every bone in my body - a losing battle with spaying and neutering. Maybe it is because I am only 22 years old and still somewhat idealistic, but I just don't understand why people do this, I just don't. I am just so frustrated. :cry: