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Reply #132: Or maybe, just maybe it's more complicated than black-n-white [View All]

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mongo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Jan-28-07 09:12 PM
Response to Reply #128
132. Or maybe, just maybe it's more complicated than black-n-white
I think it's a symptom of the patriarchy that women feel changing themselves so their husbands are more attracted to them is a sign of love.

I look at it the other way - accepting how the other person looks without asking them to change is a sign of love for the person. Assuming it's okay to tell a person how you want them to look or dress or groom themselves, and telling them you'd find them more attractive if they did this, this and that - like you are listing off a la carte items from a menu - isn't a sign of love. It may be honest, I'll grant you that, and it may be a sign of love that you are willing to change yourself to please them, but it's something other than love that makes a person want (and request) such things in the first place.


Sexual attraction in general isn't about intimacy. It's about our sexual drives, which are objectified, and fetishised on particular body parts, types, clothing, objects and acts. That goes for both men and women, although men are more likely to fetishise clothing and body parts (because as a group they tend to be visually stimulated), where women are more likely to fetishize certain types of touch, or a story-line (candle-lit dinners, etc.)

Sure, some of what the culture we grow up with (I.E., the patriarchy) has input into what is typically fetishised, but it's not some be-all-and-end-all we want to make you an "object" as much as it is normal HUMAN nature.

If you want to be with me sexually, it needs to be all about wanting to share intimacy

So, in order to be intimate with you, a man needs to behave a certain way. To conform to a fetishized story-line in your mind. Besides being much more complicated, since I assume any man would have to guess what the story-line is, how is your need for that "story" a sign of "your love" than a guy that is triggered by the look of you in boots.

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