Reply #9: On your first point...

[bichonluvr]

...a private contract between two people can't measure up to the legal marriage contract. While a private contract can be enforced by the state, that contract can't provide what the state provides with legal marriage (Social Security spousal benefits, just to name one from a long list). There is simply no equivalent that provides for a couple what legal marriage provides.

On your other points, when a same-sex couple goes to court seeking marriage, they are not implying that they are unequal. They are saying that they are equal, but that the state has failed to recognize this equality. When the courts agree (as they did in Mass., Calif., and Iowa) the Courts cite the equal protection clauses in their state constitutions as the foundation for their reasoning, and say that the state has failed to provide any good reason to deny a same-sex couple equal treatment under the law.

So a couple (same-sex or opposite sex) does not need the state to validate their relationship. But the state does offer to opposite sex couples a contract called legal marriage, which contains both a great many benefits, as well as enforcable responsibilities. Same-sex couples just want to be offered the same option from the state. To be refused that option is to be denied equal protection of the law.