Reply #11: An Honest Reply

[Dinger]

First, I will acknowledge that I am a public school teacher. I have a son (now 28) who has ADD. He was diagnosed in first grade (age 6). Very often ADD does not exist in isolation. There are usually other conditions that may or may not exist. Our son was educated in a wonderful public school system. There were several teachers that I was not happy with,but there were many more I was happy with. It had more to do with living in a rural area where cliques have been formed over generations. As for the teachers I was not happy with, the school system was large enough that I was able to have him go to different teachers. That worked out. He did find some good friends that he still keeps in touch with.
As for your post. It's good that the private school worked out for "Z". Are you sure there is not some program, a scholarship program, something, that can help? Has the mom gone to the school to see if there is anything they can do? Of course assistance won't "hurt" Z, but are you really ready to abandon public schools altogether? One bad situation does not mean that the same is true for all public schools. It's nice to have peers that are "like you." It must be a wonderful and supportive environment, however, the "real world" is not homogeneous. The transition to adult life can be difficult for people who have had limited experiences with the public.
Kids who are "different" do get bullied. That is a huge problem in all schools. Don't be fooled into believing it's in public schools only. It's a serious problem in all schools, and I am glad that our (public) school has a great anti-bullying program. We have seen results. Calls to school from concerned parents are almost non-existent.
We rarely have anyone in lunch detention, rarely.
I always give my students many ways to let me know if someone is bullying them, ways that are private. I did get one note from a little girl in my class this year, but the problem was resolved. I called both parents, and we started a "friends group" for some kids who are bullied or left out. Students who have social skills issues are paired up with students who are positive role models and who are willing to be a friend to kids who are often left out. The kids do fun activities/projects in small (3-4) groups. It has been wonderful.
As for the bullies, they have consequences that are consistent and appropriate. We are in the third year of this program, and I have seen amazing changes in kids that used to bully.

I'm rambling here, so I better stop, for now at least. Hope this doesn't come across as ass-holey or kiss-assey.