Reply #23: IMHO what is "wrong" and "sad"

[musette_sf]

is the idea that a woman shouldn't be able to decide for herself whether she wants a child or not.

She didn't want a child. Her decision.

What were your possible outcomes, in retrospect? Here they are:

1. She doesn't want a child, she had information from you already that you didn't want a child, she terminates the pregnancy.

2. Your "love at the time" leads her to accede to your decision over hers; she gives birth; you break up after she gives birth; she is tied to you for the next 18 years and now has to deal with single parenting, and making sure the child knows its father, WHEN SHE DIDN'T WANT A CHILD WITH YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE.

3. She doesn't want a child, you do; for some reason she accedes to your decision, and is sentenced to almost a year of involuntary servitude with health risks up to and including death, and you snatch the child away from her as soon as it is born. She now has almost a year of life to catch up with, including losing a year of work towards her career, and possibly including lifelong health issues, and you aren't compensating her for her time, labor, and sacrifice.

I'm thinking #2 and #3 are wrong and sad options, for the woman. I'm thinking #1 is the ONLY option that takes the WOMAN's decision into account. And you DID say that it was understood between you that neither of you wanted a child at the time. So if she acted on information you'd already given her, you WERE already consulted on the decision.