Reply #11: Many factors

[Orrex]

First some answers:

It's definitely readable.

It's not crap.

But I'm not sure that it would sell.



In order to sound true to life, this kind of modern epistolary fiction must necessarily be made up of quick and casual e-missives back and forth, but that imposes a problematic limitation upon you. I think that you've achieved the realism of the exchange, but the trick comes in inspiring the reader to invest in either character.

It's difficult to develop a sense of them from a series of very brief snippets. If the entirety of the text is to be an email-based dialog, then I confess that I wouldn't be able to read more than a dozen pages of it, and a novel-length format would seriously diminish your reader base.

However, if the story also takes place in the world beyond the internets, you'll be better able IMO to get the readers to empathize with at least one of the two correspondents.