Reply #116: Why? Because knowledge is my 'religion'.

[Zhade]

I seek out answers to everything I can. Learning is, in a way, a drug to me. I can't get enough information.

In the case of this forum, I've learned a lot about the topic and the people interested in it, from my fellow self-informed-for-self-defense atheist fellows to the lone vocal fundamentalist barging around, declaring that his beliefs are The Way and The Truth. The irony is that those believers most insistent that their beliefs are correct are the ones with the weakest faith, ready to crumble at a moment's notice.

I've learned that people can change, as the sterling example Catbert has made of his own journey shows. He used to be one of the (thankfully, pitifully small) gang of arrogant pricks here who think they know my mind better than I do. He changed, and grew, and I'm very sincere when I say that he is one of the more inspirational DUers around. In part, that's because he reminds me of myself.

I used to be a wannabe-fundamentalist, years ago. I tried on no les than three occassions to buy into the belief system of Christianity (Methodist, Church of Christ, and even Mormon). Notice the trendline there - from more liberal to less, more open to narrower, more self-directed to controlled. I think there's a reason for that: I never believed in gods, including the Christian god, and the more restricted the religious view, the more I hoped I'd 'get it' and suddenly believe in god. Never worked, naturally.

But 'Lord', did I try. Try, try, try try try. Never took for a moment. I just couldn't believe what my mind found to be silly and antiquated mythology (sorry if that offends anyone - that's just a recounting of how my mind worked). Because I couldn't believe, I kept dropping religion until a crisis point or upheaval came up in my life (my now-ex-wife becoming pregnant with our son - CoC - or 9/11 - Mormon), at which time I would scurry back into the fold, desperately searching for a line to hang onto in the midst of chaos. Hence the increasingly-hardline nature of my religious pursuit; I wanted THE ANSWER that would give me control over my life.

I was too confused and scared to understand that such an attempt at control was foolish when not backed by sincere belief in the structure of the attempt (and, frankly, maybe foolish, period).

I have since escaped the self-imposed shackles of 'revealed' religion, and distanced myself from the young man who kept lying to himself (and knew it at the same time) about god. I don't, I CAN'T, believe in unproven mythical supernatural beings and the tales surrounding them. I can see both the value and horror of organized religion, and I truly have nothing against believers (even fundies), just any attempt to control others' lives with their beliefs. I may think their beliefs are stupid, or barbaric, but as long as those beliefs apply only to themselves and are not forced on others, they're free to believe whatever they wish.

I come here to learn, the primary motivation for pretty much any reading I do. I learn so much, and it's so important in today's b*s*-is-a-great-Christian-man nation, that I love the forum, even when people wrongly assert that they know my atheism better than I do. The good believers here more than make up for the assholes, and I don't let jerks stop me from learning and speaking up anyway.

I absolutely repudiate your assertion that this is all about "theist versus atheist" here. What we have most of the time is "arrogant jerk who thinks he knows someone's mind better than that person versus person defending themselves". And, to be completely fair, this applies to both theists and atheists (though the number of atheists claiming to know believers' minds is almost infintesimal). That's just a power struggle, and people like that display their arrogance in matters nonreligious as well.

If you think you shouldn't participate, that's your call, of course. Personally, I find the knowledge to be gained far too good to stop posting here.

And as I've said before, I have zero intention of changing anyone's beliefs. Change, if desired, must be self-initiated to be lasting.