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Reply #81: You can whine all you want -- I think the situation is perfectly reasonable. [View All]

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Home » Discuss » Places » Michigan Donate to DU
IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jul-31-07 05:06 PM
Response to Reply #79
81. You can whine all you want -- I think the situation is perfectly reasonable.
You "fell in love" with a guy who already had children, and now he has to pay to take care of them (as opposed to ME taking care of them). Apparently he has not been consistent about paying timely or whatever over the years, and his ex is collecting welfare for some unknown reason. I'm not sure why, but whatever -- not my problem.

I don't feel sorry for you. I don't care WHO you fall in love with -- you've ALWAYS got a choice about how you want to live your life. I "fell in love" with a recovering alcoholic once. He was a great guy, but we ended up not "staying together forever" because he needed to be with someone who could handle the time he needed to spend at meetings, etc. and also go to meetings herself. While I could applaud the commitment he made to sobriety, it wasn't a decision I wanted to make as a lifestyle choice for me and my future children (who would have needed to deal with being children of an alcoholic) when I had a choice about it. We're still friends, he's a great guy, and I am madly in love with my husband of ten plus years who is *NOT* a recovering alcoholic.

YOU had a choice about how many siblings and broken families you wanted your children exposed to. You married a guy who has a history of not staying with the mothers of his children (based on the fact that you are #3). Odds of SOME of those kids having emotional problems is pretty darn good -- but the "play dumb" philosophy so many people exhibit will most likely have you a) blaming it all on the "other mothers" and b) maintaining an oblivious attitude about your own husband's role in the success or failure of their upbringing (usually by NOT being a regular part of it -- what were those distances you quoted? hundreds of miles, and every other weekend? Is that *really* what you think would be in the best interests of YOUR OWN children -- every other weekend dad time?) ARGH!

You are a step-mom of four other children. Quit whining about the fact your spouse has other children who are Just As Entitled (if not more so) to HIS money and time than you and your "new" family. The fact that your actions could be viewed by total strangers who don't know you (meaning me) as selfish, self-absorbed, and really kind of stupid probably doesn't phase that "poor me" victim mentality of yours (because YOU certainly can't be held responsible for your own action (eye roll!)), but whatever. Karma will most likely bite you in the butt sometime -- it usually works that way. If not directly on you, then on your children. Sigh... :(

With the God-Awful situation you have described, the pitiful amounts of money your husband is sending ($50 per child per week) should be the least of your worries!
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  -Child support laws in Michigan are unreasonable... KingChicken  Jan-14-05 07:29 AM   #0 
  - Do you have the text of the law?  proudbluestater   Jan-14-05 07:35 AM   #1 
  - While he is unemployed, possibly for months, he still must pay...  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 07:48 AM   #2 
  - Perhaps you missed the part where he was unemployed for a while  ET Awful   Jan-14-05 07:50 AM   #3 
  - What do you base that "feeling that they rarely face jail time" on?  BR_Parkway   Jan-14-05 07:55 AM   #6 
  - You are correct about non payment of child support leading to  Rainbowreflect   Jan-14-05 09:06 AM   #20 
     - A local guy was picked up for non payment last year...  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 09:27 AM   #23 
        - That's a bench warrant  lwfern   Jan-14-05 09:50 AM   #27 
           - Yeah bench warrant, but eventally you will be arrested just the same.  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 10:32 AM   #33 
              - "eventually"  lwfern   Jan-14-05 11:07 AM   #39 
                 - Why do you keep citing child homelessness, and not being fed?  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 12:04 PM   #40 
                    - the reason they aren't risking homelessness/wellbeing  lwfern   Jan-14-05 12:17 PM   #42 
                       - How can you say that?  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 12:50 PM   #47 
  - Sounds like the kids should quit eating and expecting shelter.  IdaBriggs   Jan-14-05 07:51 AM   #4 
  - He is extremely responsible, he does everything...  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 07:59 AM   #7 
  - I disagree with you.  IdaBriggs   Jan-14-05 08:13 AM   #14 
     - She is doing fine, not homeless by any means...  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 08:38 AM   #17 
        - "She's raking in the cash --" because his $1K is SO MUCH MONEY.  IdaBriggs   Jan-14-05 09:48 AM   #26 
           - Her job, her husbands job plus his support.  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 10:14 AM   #31 
              - ROFLMA -- Its ANOTHER man's job to support HIS kid?  IdaBriggs   Jan-14-05 10:36 AM   #34 
                 - Of course it's another man's job  lwfern   Jan-14-05 10:54 AM   #37 
                    - I guess that makes sense -- if you're sleeping with her,  IdaBriggs   Jan-14-05 11:01 AM   #38 
                    - I will argree on that, I don't know if thats the money for the car....  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 12:20 PM   #44 
  - Interesting that the OP is going out of their way to make certain  kgfnally   Jun-03-07 08:07 PM   #67 
     - Take my time, when you respond to a post from TWO YEARS AGO?  IdaBriggs   Jun-04-07 11:17 PM   #68 
     - Child Support  exacta   Jan-17-10 07:52 PM   #101 
     - Death, Incarceration, Quadraplegia  Demeter   Jun-16-07 01:21 PM   #72 
  - Married unemployed fathers don't get to put supporting their kids  elehhhhna   Jan-14-05 07:52 AM   #5 
  - Don't be ingnorant, not all single fathers are deadbeats...  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 08:03 AM   #9 
     - I said nothing about or implying Deadbeat Dad syndrome...  elehhhhna   Jan-14-05 08:22 AM   #16 
  - On the other side of the issue...  displacedtexan   Jan-14-05 08:02 AM   #8 
  - He can petition the court, however it takes months...  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 08:06 AM   #11 
  - A father who reduces his income to avoid support  Dangerous Felon   Jan-17-05 11:40 AM   #52 
     - Source for that claim?  lwfern   Jan-17-05 04:31 PM   #54 
     - That's not true.  GreenEyedLefty   Jan-20-10 11:17 AM   #102 
  - whatever you do in the dark soon comes to light.. so in the long run  sam sarrha   Jan-14-05 08:04 AM   #10 
  - I agree totally, but everyone is young at some time.  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 08:11 AM   #13 
  - I'm not sure how it works in Michigan but.....  eternalburn   Jan-14-05 08:10 AM   #12 
  - Too idealistic, reality is harsh, things usally don't work for the best...  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 08:15 AM   #15 
  - That's how it works in Michigan also  lwfern   Jan-14-05 08:41 AM   #18 
     - You're not paying attention, he pays for things like daycare...  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 08:48 AM   #19 
     - The system always sides with the mother?  lwfern   Jan-14-05 09:08 AM   #21 
        - Buddy, the court is not gender neutral...  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 09:31 AM   #24 
           - The mother's are favored...  dlcloum31   Jul-21-07 07:10 PM   #74 
              - True - mothers are favored  michiganlady   Mar-19-08 11:28 AM   #97 
              - I actually found that rather unfair.  GreenEyedLefty   Jan-20-10 11:20 AM   #103 
              - the CUSTODIAL parent gets to claim the deduction/tax credits  Scout   Jan-20-10 03:52 PM   #104 
     - Extra Gifts?  michiganlady   Mar-18-08 03:12 PM   #91 
        - You've just confused "gifts" with "needs".  lwfern   Mar-18-08 08:49 PM   #92 
           - Needs vs Gifts  michiganlady   Mar-19-08 10:51 AM   #93 
           - Needs vs gifts  lwfern   Mar-19-08 11:11 AM   #95 
           - Part of the problem  michiganlady   Mar-19-08 11:08 AM   #94 
              - The expenses when a child is at the other parents house  lwfern   Mar-19-08 11:22 AM   #96 
                 - Agree to disagree  michiganlady   Mar-19-08 11:52 AM   #98 
  - The child support laws need to change.....  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 09:24 AM   #22 
  - There's nothing extreme in the solution  lwfern   Jan-14-05 09:36 AM   #25 
  - The guy is 28, what do you want?  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 09:54 AM   #28 
     - What do I want?  lwfern   Jan-14-05 10:04 AM   #30 
  - Let's try the new system for a while before we change it.  IdaBriggs   Jan-14-05 10:03 AM   #29 
     - He can't have custody.....  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 10:27 AM   #32 
        - You do seem to have a victim mentality here  lwfern   Jan-14-05 10:44 AM   #35 
        - There is no victim here, i'm not claiming a victim, just unfair...  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 12:36 PM   #46 
        - Incorrect. Michigan is VERY gender neutral.  IdaBriggs   Jan-14-05 10:46 AM   #36 
           - Stop using sensationalism to sell your point...  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 12:16 PM   #41 
              - Stop using sensationalism to sell your point  lwfern   Jan-14-05 12:19 PM   #43 
              - Do you have any suggestions? What's the solution?  KingChicken   Jan-14-05 12:30 PM   #45 
                 - The statistics say I'm right  lwfern   Jan-14-05 01:30 PM   #48 
              - Stop using ignorance to ignore reality.  IdaBriggs   Jan-15-05 08:08 AM   #49 
              - Deleted message  Name removed   Jan-17-05 11:35 AM   #51 
                 - That IS what happens  lwfern   Jan-17-05 04:54 PM   #55 
              - Your friend needs a lawyer.  hickman1937   Jan-17-05 02:52 PM   #53 
  - If you have never dealt with the system do not speak of it.  sarcasmo   Jan-16-05 06:53 PM   #50 
  - Michigan is NOT the toughest in the Union  lwfern   Jan-17-05 05:03 PM   #56 
  - Maybe both abortion and murder should be easier....  stavka   Jan-17-05 09:30 PM   #57 
  - When the child support gestapo comes to your door then talk to me.  sarcasmo   Jan-25-05 10:03 AM   #58 
     - hopefully you love your kid  lwfern   Jan-25-05 03:30 PM   #59 
        - Love for my kid is not in question, If you have kids and Divorce then your  sarcasmo   Jan-26-05 08:52 AM   #60 
           - Kids don't "become" a case number  lwfern   Jan-26-05 11:37 AM   #62 
              - Friend of the Court does nothing right away, LMFAO.  sarcasmo   Jan-27-05 09:32 AM   #63 
                 - You think I haven't dealt with them?  lwfern   Jan-27-05 12:52 PM   #64 
                    - where is my childs house,i pay for?  bummer   May-31-07 12:10 PM   #65 
  - methinks thou dost protest too much!  Scout   Jan-26-05 11:09 AM   #61 
  - If they throw you in jail  michreject   Jun-02-07 07:52 AM   #66 
  - I worked for a temp agency once, in their office, and it is bad.  knitter4democracy   Jun-05-07 09:10 PM   #69 
  - His children continue to live regardless of the situation. Something  MrsGrumpy   Jun-13-07 06:19 AM   #70 
  - I read through all the posts and he is blaming the woman for not taking the pill  LisaM   Jun-14-07 01:24 PM   #71 
     - Birth Control Responsibility  michiganlady   Mar-18-08 12:08 PM   #90 
        - Welcome to D/U and enjoy the many great forums.  sarcasmo   Mar-21-08 10:14 AM   #99 
  - Child Support Laws ARE unreasonable...  dlcloum31   Jul-21-07 06:34 PM   #73 
  - Seven children is a lot to support.  lwfern   Jul-21-07 11:52 PM   #75 
  - Here is a math suggestion for you --  IdaBriggs   Jul-27-07 10:33 AM   #76 
  - no math suggestion!  dlcloum31   Jul-30-07 08:11 PM   #79 
     - It doesn't sound to me like your husband's getting screwed by the state  lwfern   Jul-31-07 12:03 PM   #80 
     - You can whine all you want -- I think the situation is perfectly reasonable.  IdaBriggs   Jul-31-07 05:06 PM   #81 
        - I would hardly say I am selfish...  dlcloum31   Aug-03-07 07:21 PM   #83 
           - I will expain to you once more why I think YOU are selfish.  IdaBriggs   Aug-05-07 09:31 AM   #84 
           - your whole attitude DRIPS selfishness and now you're trying to play the martyr...  Scout   Aug-05-07 10:27 AM   #85 
           - It does look a little selfish  lwfern   Aug-06-07 09:43 AM   #86 
  - Lots of whining in here ...  Scout   Jul-27-07 11:51 AM   #77 
  - Why do so many people have children they can't afford?  skipos   Jul-28-07 03:30 PM   #78 
  - Sounds like an argument for just not having kids at all  bluestateguy   Aug-01-07 08:05 PM   #82 
  - My Son turned 18 on Friday, I am done!  sarcasmo   Sep-01-07 06:05 PM   #87 
  - Hopefully if he needs help  lwfern   Sep-01-07 07:00 PM   #88 
     - Done with the Court system. Does that sound better for you?  sarcasmo   Sep-02-07 03:43 PM   #89 
  - Mothers pay child support as well - I am one of them n/t  addreamgirl   Mar-26-08 12:05 PM   #100 
  - We never had to wait "months" for a "hearing"  noamnety   Jan-26-10 05:48 PM   #105 
  - To all of those who want to jail someone over the almighty dollar  Chucky_The_Freak   Feb-07-10 12:48 AM   #106 
  - Mike Cox is that you?  sarcasmo   Nov-15-10 09:05 AM   #110 
  - Deleted message  Name removed   Oct-29-10 08:28 PM   #107 
  - Deleted message  Name removed   Nov-01-10 09:26 PM   #108 
  - Hello  Lions_fan   Nov-14-10 03:57 PM   #109 
 

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