Excerpt from Tomorrow's Campaign Speech

[Youphemism]

"Now, I'm not saying my supporters could kill the superdelegates' dogs. In fact, I'm saying that would be an awful, awful, thing. What kind of terrible person would ever think of hurting a cute, innocent little puppy dog? Especially the puppy dog of a superdelegate who voted for me.

"Also, I have no idea of how Eight Belles' head appeared in my distinguished opponent's bed -- and as for the fish on his doorstep, I'm told it was wrapped in the New York Times, a newspaper I don't think I even subscribe to anymore.

"With that, I'd like to turn this meeting over to my new campaign manager, Luca Brazi."