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Reply #37: That's absolutely true, and the challenge is... [View All]

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Amerigo Vespucci Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-14-11 08:59 AM
Response to Reply #18
37. That's absolutely true, and the challenge is...
Edited on Mon Feb-14-11 08:59 AM by Amerigo Vespucci
...if we choose to forgive, to somehow not provide an opportunity for people to do the same thing again in the future.

I have and acquaintance who is an would be a real stretch to call him a "friend," because we simply have mutual acquaintances, and to be honest, I don;t really like this guy at all...who claims he has been sober for 17 years...but exhibits all the signs of "dry drunk" behavior. One little thing will set him off and he'll fly into a rage. He is always referencing AA and quoting their "principles" but when you witness his behavior you wonder if any of that helps. For some, I guess it does. For others, attending AA meetings becomes just one more form of addiction. I don't mean to minimize what the group accomplishes...I'm just saying that in my personal experience, whenever I have met someone in AA and gotten to known them for any length of time, I hear a lot of "AA-speak" but can see them still dragging all of their baggage along on the journey. The fact that they may or may not be actively drinking doesn't necessarily mean that they have been "healed." And if a person finds themselves in the crosshairs of someone like that, and they find themselves wronged, there is an excellent chance that being in that person's orbit in the future will increase the likelihood of a repeat performance.
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  -Do you forgive people who f*** you over and don't come within a mile of remorse or an apology? Amerigo Vespucci  Feb-13-11 06:02 PM   #0 
  - i have an odd place with forgiveness. people do things for all kinds of reason.  seabeyond   Feb-13-11 06:14 PM   #1 
  - Very interesting...I forget sometimes how our emotions are "permission-based"...  Amerigo Vespucci   Feb-13-11 06:20 PM   #2 
  - Depends on what they did. Not all "damage can be repaired." nt  Haole Girl   Feb-13-11 06:23 PM   #3 
  - And I guess there's an additional layer to this as well that I hadn't considered...  Amerigo Vespucci   Feb-13-11 06:30 PM   #4 
  - This forgiveness quote was...  rbnyc   Feb-13-11 07:01 PM   #5 
  - I hold grudges.  Kali   Feb-13-11 07:25 PM   #6 
  - I consider holding grudges to mean that you made a wise choice.  Lisa0825   Feb-13-11 07:54 PM   #10 
  - As was once said  hobbit709   Feb-13-11 10:09 PM   #22 
  - I rarely hold grudges  Mojorabbit   Feb-14-11 12:34 AM   #26 
  - I'm not convinced that people who do things "intentionally" are ever fully remorseful  Amerigo Vespucci   Feb-14-11 12:16 PM   #45 
  - I don't spend one second thinking about them.  cbdo2007   Feb-13-11 07:31 PM   #7 
  - As a general rule, no  bluestateguy   Feb-13-11 07:33 PM   #8 
  - Sometimes forgiveness comes easily, but more often it's extremely difficult  solara   Feb-13-11 07:36 PM   #9 
  - Forgiveness is what you do for yourself  prolesunited   Feb-13-11 07:59 PM   #11 
  - I was telling a friend that yesterday...  Amerigo Vespucci   Feb-13-11 08:12 PM   #14 
  - Forgiving is good for your own peace of mind.  Swede   Feb-13-11 08:03 PM   #12 
  - "The acid of hate destroys the container"  Patiod   Feb-14-11 10:57 AM   #41 
  - Of course. If they show remorse or offer an apology, there's little need for forgiveness.  Rabrrrrrr   Feb-13-11 08:07 PM   #13 
  - I've never been one to hold a grudge...  one_voice   Feb-13-11 08:19 PM   #15 
  - Sure why not.  RandomThoughts   Feb-13-11 08:20 PM   #16 
  - You do exactly what works best for you.  Demoiselle   Feb-13-11 08:29 PM   #17 
  - i have, and can attest it's a stupid idea. if people don't show remorse  La Lioness Priyanka   Feb-13-11 08:37 PM   #18 
  - That's absolutely true, and the challenge is...  Amerigo Vespucci   Feb-14-11 08:59 AM   #37 
  - It depends. I forgave my ex who abused me and he wasn't remorseful  cali   Feb-13-11 08:41 PM   #19 
  - No, but it really depends on what you mean by "forgiveness"  WildEyedLiberal   Feb-13-11 09:15 PM   #20 
  - I used to do that,  Blue_In_AK   Feb-13-11 10:05 PM   #21 
  - I'm usually very forgiving because I'm generally a happy person. I get angrier when  pacalo   Feb-13-11 11:47 PM   #23 
  - Sort of.  Kat45   Feb-14-11 12:00 AM   #24 
  - eventually. sometimes it takes me awhile. but i usually don't forget  orleans   Feb-14-11 12:20 AM   #25 
  - "If a man is crossing a river and an empty boat collides with his own skiff, even though he be  struggle4progress   Feb-14-11 03:24 AM   #27 
  - I remember a similar thought, expressed far less eloquently...  Amerigo Vespucci   Feb-14-11 07:52 AM   #29 
  - Other- I try not to waste time thinking about them, but I don't forgive  old mark   Feb-14-11 04:23 AM   #28 
  - Forgiveness is earned. Those without empathy don't deserve it.  BlueIris   Feb-14-11 07:57 AM   #30 
  - +1  WildEyedLiberal   Feb-14-11 11:51 AM   #42 
  - it depends on whether i have to see them around.  mopinko   Feb-14-11 08:16 AM   #31 
  - I once asked a good friend / mentor (and former boss)...  Amerigo Vespucci   Feb-14-11 08:50 AM   #36 
  - Sometimes.  Orsino   Feb-14-11 08:22 AM   #32 
  - The first one for me  Crystal Clarity   Feb-14-11 08:24 AM   #33 
  - If you forgive somebody, it doesn't mean you have to let them back in your life.  raccoon   Feb-14-11 08:39 AM   #34 
  - No. That is, I don't generally lower myself to their level to get revenge...  LeftishBrit   Feb-14-11 08:50 AM   #35 
  - It seems like "forgive" can mean many things  Amerigo Vespucci   Feb-14-11 09:03 AM   #39 
  - wow.  Tuesday Afternoon   Feb-14-11 09:02 AM   #38 
  - No forgiveness (apology or not ) if it is something truly heinous.... nt  Blasphemer   Feb-14-11 10:54 AM   #40 
  - The ex-girlfirend. Wants to be forgiven. Wants me back.  EnviroBat   Feb-14-11 11:56 AM   #43 
  - Had an ex-girlfriend who, near the end of our relationship...  Amerigo Vespucci   Feb-14-11 12:10 PM   #44 
     - Yeah, mine up and went running back to her waste-of-life ex-husband,  EnviroBat   Feb-14-11 02:07 PM   #47 
  - Everyone holds grudges.  Lucian   Feb-14-11 12:22 PM   #46 
  - Forgive, yes; but if I've rescinded my trust, they'll have to work very hard  GoddessOfGuinness   Feb-14-11 02:22 PM   #48 
  - Where is the "Hell No" option here? n/t  InvisibleTouch   Feb-14-11 02:27 PM   #49 
  - Aw hell no. It's off to DTM'sville with those emmer-effers.  Iggo   Feb-14-11 02:32 PM   #50 
  - If I get an apology I fogive and if not I just let it go but I never forget  lunatica   Feb-14-11 04:06 PM   #51 
  - Why are you asking me about my family?  Bucky   Feb-14-11 04:35 PM   #52 
  - I'd rather forgive  TuxedoKat   Feb-14-11 05:17 PM   #53 
  - I have a nuanced answer.  Moondog   Feb-14-11 05:21 PM   #54 
  - This sounds terrible but I tend to live by  TNLib   Feb-14-11 06:24 PM   #55 
  - Hell no.  BreweryYardRat   Feb-14-11 06:48 PM   #56 
  - Forgiveness isn't about what the offender deserves.  SOteric   Feb-14-11 08:40 PM   #57 
  - Thank you, O Awesome One! These threads on forgiveness forever chap my ass  Rabrrrrrr   Feb-14-11 09:30 PM   #59 
     - + 1000 and throw in a brazillion for good measure  Tuesday Afternoon   Feb-14-11 11:13 PM   #61 
     - Sorry to hear about your ass-chapping  SOteric   Feb-15-11 11:43 PM   #69 
  - They need forgiveness more than I need an apology  Old Troop   Feb-14-11 09:18 PM   #58 
  - Okay, fine, I'll SAY it: I'm sorry.  Common Sense Party   Feb-14-11 11:08 PM   #60 
  - Emotional bank account...the individual bankrupted it.  fortyfeetunder   Feb-14-11 11:30 PM   #62 
  - forgive  dd2003   Feb-15-11 12:01 AM   #63 
  - I do not trust easily, or often,  darkstar3   Feb-15-11 12:29 AM   #64 
  - That ass you are kicking today may be one you gotta kiss tomorrow.  davsand   Feb-15-11 01:00 PM   #65 
  - No I carry a grudge forever.  ellenrr   Feb-15-11 03:20 PM   #66 
  - Still waiting for ex-wifey to  cheneyschernobyl   Feb-15-11 08:49 PM   #67 
  - The problem with not forgiving is that it digs a hole in your own heart.  grahamhgreen   Feb-15-11 08:53 PM   #68 
  - Bad people are like defective furniture  quakerboy   Feb-16-11 01:03 AM   #70 
  - I read this on another forum, and it was very helpful to me:  raccoon   Feb-16-11 08:45 AM   #71 
  - I'm Sicilian-Irish. What do you think? :-)  WinkyDink   Feb-16-11 02:15 PM   #72 

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