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JoDog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Dec-02-10 11:06 AM
Response to Original message
8. Depends
Has the couple been to counseling? Does one of the people have unresolved issues with sex (like maybe being the victim of sex abuse) that could be helped by seeking appropriate therapy? Is it possible that the lack of interest in sex is connected to a medical problem, and there is a need for a full physical or doctor's visit on the topic?

More controversially, is the person not interested in sex OK with the idea of their spouse seeking sexual release elsewhere? This could included anything from toys and pornography to opening the marriage to a selected and agreed upon third party.

I wouldn't consider divorce until these avenues are fully explored.
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  -Would you get a divorce if you were in a sexless marriage? NickB79  Dec-02-10 10:16 AM   #0 
  - The marriage definitely needs help if one partner is unhappy with the situation.  Pacifist Patriot   Dec-02-10 10:19 AM   #1 
  - I'm 51 and I would rather sleep than have sex.  PassingFair   Dec-02-10 10:20 AM   #2 
  - This! nt  LaurenG   Dec-02-10 01:09 PM   #21 
  - 51 also,  PRETZEL   Dec-03-10 09:49 AM   #75 
  - Almost 51 and still a sex-over-sleep gal  K8-EEE   Dec-03-10 11:10 AM   #83 
  - I am just over half your age  DeadEyeDyck   Dec-04-10 10:51 PM   #105 
     - Hey people are different!  K8-EEE   Dec-05-10 03:03 AM   #111 
  - Oh, no...  begin_within   Dec-03-10 10:35 AM   #78 
  - I guess that would depend on the definition of sexless.  EOTE   Dec-02-10 10:25 AM   #3 
  - There's actually a legal definition of "sexless"?  semillama   Dec-03-10 10:59 AM   #82 
     - I was a bit surprised by that as well, but yes.  EOTE   Dec-03-10 03:52 PM   #90 
  - Yes, and I did  WilmywoodNCparalegal   Dec-02-10 10:41 AM   #4 
  - Yes.  mcollins   Dec-02-10 10:55 AM   #5 
  - No. In fact HELL NO!  The Midway Rebel   Dec-02-10 10:56 AM   #6 
  - Our vows were the statutory minimum...  Deep13   Dec-02-10 11:14 AM   #10 
  - This is a trickier area than it might seem.  Pacifist Patriot   Dec-02-10 11:57 AM   #11 
  - We agree on counseling then.  The Midway Rebel   Dec-02-10 12:32 PM   #14 
     - Your analogy is lacking  NickB79   Dec-02-10 12:52 PM   #18 
     - Now we have moved out of the bedroom.  The Midway Rebel   Dec-02-10 01:10 PM   #22 
     - Your analogy is off base because it is about...  Pacifist Patriot   Dec-02-10 03:49 PM   #43 
     - If your partner called you a disgusting worthless pig every day, would you even want to have sex?  BurtWorm   Dec-02-10 02:52 PM   #35 
     - and the marriage problem really wouldnt be about sex at all....  seabeyond   Dec-02-10 02:58 PM   #36 
     - It would kind of get me hot...  Chan790   Dec-02-10 09:48 PM   #62 
        - Sniveling worm works for me.  BurtWorm   Dec-03-10 10:29 AM   #77 
     - Not good. This is abuse and your partner should adore you  LaurenG   Dec-03-10 07:02 AM   #71 
     - I didn't get from the OP that we were talking about an inability to have sex.  Pacifist Patriot   Dec-02-10 03:47 PM   #42 
     - You'll likely think I'm a terrible person for this but...  Chan790   Dec-02-10 09:45 PM   #61 
  - Outstanding answer  MrCoffee   Dec-02-10 12:41 PM   #15 
  - Thanks  The Midway Rebel   Dec-02-10 01:18 PM   #23 
     - Trust me...  Dr Morbius   Dec-02-10 09:58 PM   #64 
  - And if the sexually apathetic partner refuses therapy?  NickB79   Dec-02-10 12:49 PM   #17 
  - If that is the case...  The Midway Rebel   Dec-02-10 01:01 PM   #19 
  - The right to end a bad marriage is fundamental...  Deep13   Dec-02-10 01:19 PM   #24 
  - Fine.  The Midway Rebel   Dec-02-10 01:35 PM   #25 
  - Yes, we agree on that. And my own answer to the OP was "no." nt  Deep13   Dec-02-10 01:54 PM   #27 
     - Just curious...  The Midway Rebel   Dec-02-10 02:30 PM   #32 
        - I think the ability of women in particular to escape from abuse...  Deep13   Dec-02-10 03:07 PM   #37 
        - I do think men and women can have differing sexual needs as time goes on  tigereye   Dec-02-10 04:12 PM   #46 
        - Thanks for taking the time to answer my question. nt  The Midway Rebel   Dec-02-10 06:49 PM   #55 
        - speaking only for myself, I must say that both my divorces most definitely  Tuesday Afternoon   Dec-04-10 09:01 PM   #102 
  - What an excellent answer.  Bunny   Dec-02-10 03:56 PM   #44 
  - strongly agreed.  La Lioness Priyanka   Dec-02-10 06:10 PM   #53 
  - Damn right! And if a wife is being hit and burned with cigarettes, she outta remember her vows, too!  Rabrrrrrr   Dec-04-10 07:04 PM   #97 
  - Now that is just crazy talk.  The Midway Rebel   Dec-04-10 09:57 PM   #104 
  - but --- did they say:  Tuesday Afternoon   Dec-04-10 08:57 PM   #101 
  - that's a deal breaker for me. nt  xchrom   Dec-02-10 10:58 AM   #7 
  - Depends  JoDog   Dec-02-10 11:06 AM   #8 
  - No.  Deep13   Dec-02-10 11:10 AM   #9 
  - My past-wife divorced Me for that very reason.  kentauros   Dec-02-10 12:22 PM   #12 
  - I did indeed.  bluedigger   Dec-02-10 12:28 PM   #13 
  - Yes.  Xithras   Dec-02-10 12:42 PM   #16 
  - Yes  Celeborn Skywalker   Dec-02-10 01:07 PM   #20 
  - I'd try to fix the problem first, and if that doesn't help, then I'd divorce.  Lucian   Dec-02-10 01:52 PM   #26 
  - Get out now.  msanthrope   Dec-02-10 02:04 PM   #28 
  - Sex shouldn't matter at all.  dawg   Dec-02-10 02:11 PM   #29 
  - Why shouldn't it matter?  Deep13   Dec-02-10 03:08 PM   #38 
     - Yep, I think they are two separate things.  dawg   Dec-02-10 03:29 PM   #41 
        - maybe not for you, but it would be a huge deal for me. nt  La Lioness Priyanka   Dec-02-10 09:39 PM   #59 
           - Don't get me wrong ...  dawg   Dec-03-10 10:45 AM   #79 
              - i would after trying. i have a right to my life and if my partners wants a sexless marriage  La Lioness Priyanka   Dec-03-10 11:18 AM   #84 
  - Havn't Yet  One_Life_To_Give   Dec-02-10 02:12 PM   #30 
  - Sad.  dawg   Dec-02-10 02:22 PM   #31 
     - this may be the problem  Kali   Dec-02-10 10:11 PM   #66 
        - You're right - it isn't the norm.  dawg   Dec-03-10 10:53 AM   #80 
           - what i do appreciate is hearing  seabeyond   Dec-03-10 01:37 PM   #87 
  - Yep  dropkickpa   Dec-02-10 02:36 PM   #33 
  - interesting posts thru out thread. i couldnt imagine sexless marriage.  seabeyond   Dec-02-10 02:48 PM   #34 
  - I can't say for sure but I don't think it is an unreasonable response.  seaglass   Dec-02-10 03:26 PM   #39 
  - Not if that were the only reason.  jobycom   Dec-02-10 03:26 PM   #40 
  - best answer so far, I think  tigereye   Dec-02-10 04:17 PM   #47 
  - I'm not comfortable with some of the phrasing in this thread.  noamnety   Dec-02-10 04:05 PM   #45 
  - True.  Celeborn Skywalker   Dec-02-10 04:35 PM   #48 
  - I understand what you are saying and cannot disagree with...  Pacifist Patriot   Dec-02-10 06:00 PM   #51 
  - Nobody has the right to coerce sex, but both parties have the right to their own expectations.  Xithras   Dec-03-10 01:32 PM   #86 
  - It comes down to sovereignty over one's own body.  noamnety   Dec-03-10 03:54 PM   #91 
     - I disagree. We have the right to set expectations for others. We just can't enforce them on others.  Xithras   Dec-03-10 04:10 PM   #92 
        - I was using your phrasing.  noamnety   Dec-03-10 06:33 PM   #94 
  - Deleted sub-thread  Name removed   Dec-04-10 08:03 AM   #95 
  - If you were 70, no  XemaSab   Dec-02-10 05:03 PM   #49 
  - No. I'd just engage in self abuse when needed.  Kaleva   Dec-02-10 05:14 PM   #50 
  - Sadly, most self-abuse goes unreported.  Deep13   Dec-03-10 09:52 AM   #76 
     - Good article. They talked about it on FOX NEWS the other day. . . n/t  lutefisk   Dec-04-10 06:32 PM   #96 
  - yes. If I have made efforts to work out why, and it couldnt be fixed  La Lioness Priyanka   Dec-02-10 06:07 PM   #52 
  - Less than what?  Inchworm   Dec-02-10 06:12 PM   #54 
  - There is no broad-brush answer IMHO  Sky Masterson   Dec-02-10 07:05 PM   #56 
  - No way  Generic Brad   Dec-02-10 09:21 PM   #57 
  - Don't know about that, but...  victoryparty   Dec-02-10 09:35 PM   #58 
  - An old folk saying about sex and marriage.  The Midway Rebel   Dec-02-10 09:39 PM   #60 
  - I heard it was the first year of a marriage, not 5.  applegrove   Dec-02-10 09:57 PM   #63 
  - Yes.  The Midway Rebel   Dec-02-10 10:05 PM   #65 
  - My jar would have been emptied out.  dawg   Dec-03-10 10:57 AM   #81 
  - the trick is to marry a gal who LIKES sex  Skittles   Dec-04-10 09:17 PM   #103 
  - Most of the "ebbing" in our marriage was pregnancy related  K8-EEE   Dec-05-10 03:00 AM   #110 
  - Ha  quakerboy   Dec-04-10 07:58 PM   #99 
  - Yes  BlueJazz   Dec-02-10 10:21 PM   #67 
  - There's such thing as "an arrangement."  K8-EEE   Dec-03-10 12:25 AM   #68 
  - Take a lover!  girl_interrupted   Dec-03-10 02:04 AM   #69 
  - No, but I'd divorce anyone who started a thread like this  taterguy   Dec-03-10 06:37 AM   #70 
  - +1, not cool when the OP's profile goes to his FaceBook page  mentalsolstice   Dec-03-10 01:17 PM   #85 
     - ooosh, now it is just getting sad.  seabeyond   Dec-03-10 01:39 PM   #88 
        - Why does the fb page mention "married" AND a "girlfriend"  K8-EEE   Dec-04-10 11:18 PM   #107 
           - then maybe the quest posed should be... if i have a GF, should i divorce wife, lol. hm. nt  seabeyond   Dec-05-10 10:10 AM   #112 
  - Depends on the reasons for the lack.  alarimer   Dec-03-10 09:07 AM   #72 
  - Have they talked about the problem  MikeFoxtroters   Dec-03-10 09:20 AM   #73 
  - Only if it's making me unhappy. Sex isn't required in a marriage.  Brickbat   Dec-03-10 09:43 AM   #74 
  - Depends. If you want that intimacy from your partner, and they don't,  closeupready   Dec-03-10 01:42 PM   #89 
  - You need to get down to the real issues of why there is no sex.  cbdo2007   Dec-03-10 05:01 PM   #93 
  - withholding sex is a passive/aggressive technique.  Tuesday Afternoon   Dec-04-10 07:44 PM   #98 
  - There are many reasons why a woman w/ a baby would be less interested in sex  Nikia   Dec-04-10 08:46 PM   #100 
  - I am single and playing the field  DeadEyeDyck   Dec-04-10 11:12 PM   #106 
  - well my sweet loving guy and I just have hallway sex these days  cherish44   Dec-05-10 01:39 AM   #108 
  - I was just a smidge younger than that when my first marriage ended--  vixengrl   Dec-05-10 02:12 AM   #109 
  - There's too much I don't know to answer.  SOteric   Dec-13-10 10:26 PM   #113 
  - Sex is not the most important thing...  WiffenPoof   Dec-13-10 11:00 PM   #114 
  - It would depend on the situation.  Withywindle   Dec-13-10 11:56 PM   #115 
  - Yes and I did.  Manifestor_of_Light   Dec-14-10 12:41 AM   #116 
  - Yes, I did. n/t  ohheckyeah   Dec-14-10 12:45 AM   #117 
 

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