Reply #4: Uses for apples:

[Chan790]

*Pelting the teen punks who toilet paper my tree every Halloween.
*Hollow one out and it makes a nifty vessel for smoking. It also smells really nice.
*They're just hard enough to fit into and plug the rainspout of the guy who steals my WaPo every morning.
*Doorstop.
*Conveniently baseball-shaped and sized. Much less likely to go through a windshield in the parking lot.
*Applesauce and cider-vinegar mixed in a 5:1 ratio will attract flies in droves. Pour into any hollow wall-space to prank and annoy your friends for weeks.
*Can easily be carved into an idol of your favorite deity with a spoon.
*Stick one down the front of your Speedo to impress the ladies at the community pool.