Reply #46: When there are reasons beyond temporary infatuation

[geniph]

things like wanting to buy a house together, needing to be on the other person's insurance, needing automatic power of attorney...but the best time to propose marriage is when you truly feel that your life would be impoverished if you could not spend the rest of it trying to make that person as happy as you can.

When you're very sure that it's "love," not "in love," then you're ready. "In love" is a temporary mental aberration - and a wonderful one - but it passes. "Love," which I define as that state in which the other person's happiness is essential to your own, sometimes fades or dies, but it's likelier to last than an infatuation. But you should have other reasons for wanting to spend your lives together - you should be able to stand one another's families (or have similar beliefs about how much time should be spent with them), you should have already discussed things like finances, goals, children, and should have agreement about them or a way to reach a consensus that doesn't make either of you feel cheated.

My biggest piece of advice for couples: don't combine your finances if you can help it. Each of you should keep your own accounts. It's okay to have a joint account for joint expenses like housing, but keep your own accounts and credit, too. It saves a lot of fighting.