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Reply #36: I saw my roommate/ex-boyfriend [View All]

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Runcible Spoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Mar-15-04 03:52 AM
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36. I saw my roommate/ex-boyfriend
go through this over and over again with girls he met online. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh; you sound like a great guy who will make some girl very happy. It seems like you came off a little needy, just by reading your post and seeing how many times you called her. This seems to happen to people who "click" online: they meet in real time and somehow the whole allure of the mystery and anonymity dissolves. I was with my ex for 5 years, and the breakup was pretty hard on him. He went online a lot looking to meet new people, and there were quite a few girls who were really shitty to him. My guess is that after 5 years, he forgot that people have to get to know each other first before forming a relationship. Even if your emails were quite intimate, that can mean little without real face time. Honestly, she probably thought you were a nice guy but not exactly what she was looking for, and thus the whole (most likely) lie about her friend in the hospital. She probably thought that you wouldnt question the validity of such a lie. That's pretty shitty, and she should have just been honest, but take to heart that she probably thought you were a good person she couldn't reject outright. She most likely felt bad about the situation to the point where she couldn't face you and created the lie as a cheap and dirty "out" for herself. It's cowardly, but people do such things.

There is a silver lining, though. My ex met a girl he really likes, someone who, as you say about yourself, just "want(ed) to care about someone". So as I see it, you have two choices: you can either stop putting so much pressure on yourself to "care" about someone and just try to casually date until you find someone you click with (my ex, BTW, was supposed to be a one-night rebounder for me, but he was just sooooo nice in the morning that I stayed with him for 5 years!) or you can risk rejection by continuing to wear your heart and good intentions on your sleeve. I'm not saying one road is better than another, since we learn something from every experience. But you sound an awful lot like my ex, who lacked self-esteem and left himself open to get hurt. But don't give up on us women just yet. Nice guys may not always finish first, but they stay in the race much longer. Good luck to you!
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  -What is it with Women? coloradodem2004  Mar-14-04 08:16 PM   #0 
  - I've been married for 30 years and loved many women  NewHampster   Mar-14-04 08:20 PM   #1 
  - What's that supposed to mean?  Droopy   Mar-14-04 08:29 PM   #11 
     - That means that NewHampster thinks you're gay.  Blue-Jay   Mar-14-04 09:37 PM   #28 
        - Men who have problems with women are not gay.  coloradodem2004   Mar-15-04 01:19 AM   #32 
           - true, but not all that shines is gold  Demonaut   Mar-15-04 02:07 AM   #34 
  - Never judge a person on thier words  camero   Mar-14-04 08:20 PM   #2 
  - Same thing happened to me 3 times this week... what is it with people?  HypnoToad   Mar-14-04 08:22 PM   #3 
  - Just to be clear.  coloradodem2004   Mar-14-04 08:30 PM   #12 
     - Oops, sorry!  HypnoToad   Mar-14-04 08:35 PM   #14 
  - Please DO NOT  liberalhistorian   Mar-14-04 08:23 PM   #4 
  - I am sorry that you went through that.  coloradodem2004   Mar-14-04 09:56 PM   #31 
  - Don't stop being a caring individual.  Droopy   Mar-14-04 08:25 PM   #5 
  - chalk it up and move on  WiltedFlowerChild   Mar-14-04 08:25 PM   #6 
  - Sounds like she's not for you. Look elsewhere. (nt)  jpgray   Mar-14-04 08:27 PM   #7 
  - A lot of women feel just like you  SarahBelle   Mar-14-04 08:27 PM   #8 
  - It's not just one experience.  coloradodem2004   Mar-14-04 08:33 PM   #13 
     - Here's what happened to me  Lydia Leftcoast   Mar-14-04 09:02 PM   #18 
        - Lydia has very good advice.  alittlelark   Mar-16-04 12:57 AM   #54 
  - I think your question is sexist in its phrasing, do you think  SOteric   Mar-14-04 08:28 PM   #9 
  - True.  coloradodem2004   Mar-14-04 08:49 PM   #15 
     - So,  SOteric   Mar-14-04 08:57 PM   #16 
        - now that's a better question to ask instead of laying the blame at women..  slinkerwink   Mar-15-04 06:45 AM   #38 
           - I guess you are right.  coloradodem2004   Mar-15-04 10:48 AM   #41 
  - Meeting People Online -> Offline  Crisco   Mar-14-04 08:28 PM   #10 
  - That's another point  Lydia Leftcoast   Mar-14-04 09:07 PM   #20 
  - I know you'll think this sounds corny  Susang   Mar-14-04 09:00 PM   #17 
  - You're making an assumption  EstimatedProphet   Mar-14-04 09:06 PM   #19 
  - If the physical attraction isn't there, it just ISN'T there... there has  radwriter0555   Mar-14-04 09:07 PM   #21 
  - As someone who weighs 300 pounds  EstimatedProphet   Mar-14-04 09:13 PM   #22 
  - I thought that post was awful shallow  Droopy   Mar-14-04 09:17 PM   #24 
     - Agreed  EstimatedProphet   Mar-14-04 09:30 PM   #26 
        - Providing  camero   Mar-14-04 09:35 PM   #27 
           - Ain't that the truth!  EstimatedProphet   Mar-14-04 09:38 PM   #29 
              - I know  camero   Mar-14-04 09:42 PM   #30 
  - Just to tell you.  coloradodem2004   Mar-14-04 09:21 PM   #25 
  - What a bee-otch  Moonbeam_Starlight   Mar-14-04 09:17 PM   #23 
  - so she didn't call what?  noiretblu   Mar-15-04 01:44 AM   #33 
  - It mgiht help...  foreigncorrespondent   Mar-15-04 02:07 AM   #35 
  - I saw my roommate/ex-boyfriend  FarceOfNature   Mar-15-04 03:52 AM   #36 
  - Maybe.  coloradodem2004   Mar-15-04 10:46 AM   #40 
  - It's Chickrant time again! (Now with extra Archetypes!)  BareKnuckledLiberal   Mar-15-04 04:24 AM   #37 
  - Damn that's a good post!  redqueen   Mar-15-04 01:40 PM   #47 
  - quit being nice  waldenx   Mar-15-04 06:52 AM   #39 
  - I'm sorry to hear this was so lousy.  Bertha Venation   Mar-15-04 10:48 AM   #42 
  - Please, don't give up.  cat_girl25   Mar-15-04 10:56 AM   #43 
  - Most likely.  coloradodem2004   Mar-15-04 01:00 PM   #44 
  - Get over her.. She wasn't feeling the vibe  nini   Mar-15-04 01:21 PM   #45 
  - You're right.  coloradodem2004   Mar-15-04 01:34 PM   #46 
     - Unfortunately, people think coming up with an excuse as she did..  nini   Mar-15-04 02:25 PM   #49 
  - BareKnuckledLiberal stole my thunder  redqueen   Mar-15-04 01:43 PM   #48 
  - She might be a total psycho  geniph   Mar-15-04 05:52 PM   #50 
  - Hang In There!  talkingrain   Mar-15-04 08:24 PM   #51 
  - Hi talkingrain! Welcome to DU!  RoadRunner   Mar-17-04 09:32 AM   #58 
  - A Little Bit of Repetition here . . . .  lolly   Mar-15-04 09:18 PM   #52 
  - You are right.  coloradodem2004   Mar-16-04 12:48 AM   #53 
     - coloradodem2004 I want to apologize  NewHampster   Mar-16-04 01:23 AM   #55 
        - I have been doing that.  coloradodem2004   Mar-16-04 01:50 AM   #56 
  - I guess the moral is don't trust the internet  Doomsayer13   Mar-16-04 02:04 AM   #57 

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