Reply #14: From McSweeney's:

[XemaSab]

RULES FOR MY CUDDLE PARTY

1. Please do not give birth in the hot tub. The only reason I say as much is because at my last cuddle party, a woman gave "natural" birth to a set of twins in the hot tub.

2. I'd appreciate it if you didn't use my grandmother's hand-knitted pillows as an impromptu sex swing. I only bring this up because at my last cuddle party, a man by the name of "Mr. Pump" (nickname?) used my grandmother's knitted pillows as an impromptu sex swing.

3. I'm the "lifeguard." That means I'm in charge. Whatever I say, goes. When I drop this ostrich feather, that means it's officially time to begin. Also, if I tell you not to use my prescription psoriasis ointment as a sex lubricant, please don't. I only say this because at my last cuddle party, a group of teens from the local high school found their way into my medicine cabinet, climbed on top of my kitchen table, and then used my psoriasis ointment as a sex lubricant.

4. Please do not frighten any of the neighbors, especially the easily startled 89-year-old with the propensity for calling the authorities. I'm telling you this because at my last cuddle party, a group of recently released prisoners (none of whom I had previously met, and who had only learned about my cuddle party from a mysterious pamphlet stapled to a lamppost across from a methadone clinic) loudly popped their "freedom cherries" beneath the bedroom window of my neighbor, the easily startled 89-year-old with the propensity for calling the authorities.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2007/9/18sacks.html