Reply #116: Y'know, here's the thing...

[EstimatedProphet]

I used to say similar things, so I can see where the blind spots are.

1) If you spend all your time looking for people with mental health issues, that's what you're going to find. I used to have a similar problem. I would look for a certain type of person (in my case, someone who grabbed attention) without knowing I was looking for that type of person, because I was looking at other characteristics that go hand-in-hand. I was always attracted to women who ended up as the center of attention, without realizing that often they were the center of attention because they were attention whores. Once I learned to recognize that, I was able to move past it.

2) You don't learn and grow for yourself because of a relationship. You learn and grow because of you. If that's what you want out of a relationship, you're doing it backwards. You have to learn and grow first, then you can be in a productive relationship where you can learn and grow together.

3) If you're admitting to being fucked up, then what's in it for someone else? Why should anyone want to be in a relationship with someone more fucked up than they are? The key is to not be fucked up, and that starts with telliing yourself that you're not fucked up. Accept yourself first, and then other people can accept you. Therapy helps with this if you need it.

4) If all anyone notices is "air de desperation" then that's what people are going to react to. If you think you will fail if you don't attract someone, then you will drive everyone off.