I just got chewed out for not cheerfully driving an hour at 11:00 pm for work

[AlienGirl]

I am on-call tomorrow night starting at 5:00 pm, which means I will work my normal 9-5 shift, then work on-call from 5 to 9, then have another regular day of 9 to 5. I was hoping to get some sleep tonight, but my boss just called to ask me to go do something that would involve an hour on the road. When I asked if she could please see if someone else might do it, she chewed me out for not being a team player.

I wish I could just explain to her that if I don't get enough sleep I become unstable and begin to think I ought to be dead. But if I told her about my tendency to suicidal ideation if my serotonin drops, I would probably get fired as a security risk (even though I never, ever think of hurting anyone else).

Now I am upset that I got chewed out, and that will make it hard to sleep even with the Ambien.

I know I should be grateful I have a job that pays a living wage and that I usually enjoy. But i'm so certain it's precarious due to my inability to be a nonstop dynamo of energy that I will spend at least the next day with my guts tied in knots fearing that the ax is gonna fall.

I feel rather bleak and lonely. :-(

Tucker