Reply #21: Finding out what death was at 5 years old.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

It was when my great grandmother died. After her funeral at our church they had her casket open as people were filing out of the church. I went up to hear and said "Wake up Nana its time to go now, its time to go back home". I thought that she was asleep in a specially made bed because at the time we had a hospital bed for her at home. And since she was old, they took her out so that she could rest. Well I couldn't understand why she was not moving so I got sadder and started crying and that's when our family friend had to pick me up to take me out of the church. Later on that day I was so mad because I did not understand and I was just mad so I started flipping the bird to everyone. I didn't flip my middle finger but I flipped my pinky finger - but I was angry and serious. I think that this is where my brain got the chemical imbalance and my depression started.

But I got a bit of comfort one day when I was looking out of the window in the kitchen into the backyard and I saw a white bird out of all the other black birds, I thought it was my Nana. Because she had white hair.

Actually this was a turning point because from the age of 5 to 17, I don't remember much about my childhood.I didn't block it on purpose, I can't remember much.