Reply #42: I don't have "one" myself- does anyone?

[RainDog]

I do not talk and behave at work or some other professional situation the same way that I do when I'm with friends telling stupid jokes and sharing a bottle of wine. But sometimes when I'm with my friends I feel sad and I don't tell jokes, either. Sometimes I'm quiet. I don't interact with my kids in the same way I interact with my friends. I mean, we're all really open, but there are somethings I'm just not gonna talk about with them. And there are things in their lives I don't want to know about in excruciating detail.

If I go out with friends to a club to hear music, I don't dance on tables, but when I'm on DU, I sometimes dance on tables, metaphorically, because... well, just to entertain myself. To avoid the reality of the crap I need to do. To make myself laugh when I feel like crying sometimes.

I certainly wouldn't think that most ppl act in public the way they do with their intimate partners, either... both "real life" situations that allow or require different parts of our personalities.

If you mean that people are not realistic about themselves... that can happen in any environment. Believe me, it sucks to get older because, even tho you no longer look as young as you were, you don't (or ppl that I know don't) feel like they're supposed to act like Trent Lott at the Sunday service. But I do know that ppl have said that's an issue - maybe that's one reason I would never try to date via some online thing. I certainly don't want to disappoint someone who might see me and run away in disgust.

Our culture puts so many limits on what is "allowed" for behavior, generally. Knowing this, when I'm in public in larger groups, I just don't say anything a lot of the time because I don't want to have to deal with other ppl's bullshit. Plus, I get claustrophic in large groups. I always want to be near a door just so I can leave when I want to leave. Some ppl take that as snobbery when it's more like just not wanting to have to give a damn. there's a big difference. ppl used to think my ex was a big snob because he's european, so they'd often have those assumptions built in. However, the truth was that he was painfully shy around ppl other than his family. But around his family he was goofy sometimes.